Vel's Strat Thread - Flirting - Pt. 1 - Icebreakers (for shy guys, 'specially)

[Kassiopeia]

Hadn't had time to get rich...
And I would never consider having a relationship on that kind of grounds. I want to engage in a relationship that's based purely on love for each other, confidence and friendship.
I just wonder, if that's too much to ask in the modern world...

[Ishtar]

Originally posted by kassiopeia
Hadn't had time to get rich...
And I would never consider having a relationship on that kind of grounds. I want to engage in a relationship that's based purely on love for each other, confidence and friendship.
I just wonder, if that's too much to ask in the modern world...

Kass~
God, I hope it isn't. I've got about 22 years on you and I'm still hoping to find the same thing! Hang in there!!

[Velociryx]

Just home from the office, and Kass....PM's checked@!

Flubber: Yeppers....at 6'6", I pretty well dwarf almost everyone else in town. Oh sure, the occasional beanpole basketball player might be a little taller, but he's also about as big around as my right arm...LOL...for sheer mass, I'm the biggest guy I know, and by a pretty wide margin. So big it's...kinna spooky. LOL (3x sweatshirts fit "normally" where for most, they'd be waaay baggy, clothes are almost impossible to buy, and always need extensive modification....it's wierd to be this freakin' big...LOL..but it DOES have some advantages, that's true! It has made me very, VERY mindful though, about how fragile people are...LOL...things that would not really cross my mind, I find myself tiptoing around....something as simple as reaching for something on a grocery store shelf (almost took a guy's head off doing that... ) or fighting my way thru a crowd. I'm constantly reminding myself to be very careful in this munchkin world...lol

kass: if the Lady you're interested in is taken....I'd move right along. Yeah....it sucks, but...what can you do? I mean, if you wait, you waste your time. Spin your wheels. Time waits for no man, buddy....get to it! ::grin:: Besides, if it's meant to be, then fate and circumstance will provide an opening....true?

-=Vel=-

[Flubber]

Re: It's all local

Originally posted by pchang
In my neighborhood, the semi ugly guy with the beautiful babe is also very rich (also usually a bit older too).

Now thats a sad but sometimes true commentary. There is the concept of trophy wife etc but there are also women who find the older guy is more "interesting" and has "done more"-- Now they might say that it has nothing to do with money but the fact the guy has been to 27 countries, has everything to do with money


But I was thinking more of a guy I knew in law school. he was short, not good looking and not rich and was a bit of a "player". How did he manage this ? . . . an abundance of confidence, an unapologetic enthusiasm and an outlandish sense of humor with a quick wit. About 90 % of the women would not be caught dead dating him (due to his "player" rep ) but among the other 10% he cut quite a swath and eventually married a great looking woman .

I'm not advocating becoming like this guy but he is one vivid example I know of a guy who had little in the way of looks but rode his charm into many a bed.

[MrWhereItsAt]

I have a question: breaking the ice can be easy (depends on the level of courage involved - liquid or otherwise), but once the names/immediate intros are dealt with, THAT's where I can go awry.

OH NO what do I say next? I know I'll, um, kinda..... hey that speck on my shoe is sort of interesting..... What, your friends are calling you? Oh, OK. Nice to meet you too. -sigh-

Or is this more suited to Part 2 of the thread: Sucking Her In or Letting Her See The Intricate Beauty that is You.

[David Floyd]

since i meet college students, i usually ask them what they study....or sometimes where they are from, whatever...i have no problem meeting people, it's beyond that, though

[pchang]

What next?

Someone already posted the answer. If you ask the woman about herself, then ask her to tell you about something she knows. If nothing else, it is a good chance to educate yourself. Once you have some more self confidence, you can talk about stuff that you know.

[MrWhereItsAt]

I hear you, DF. I really really do.

But pchang, ain't it weird to start asking all about the life of this almost total stranger?

I'd sure be taken somewhat aback.

[David Floyd]

mr...in situations such as mine (huge university) asking stuff about where they are from or what they study is very normal, not prying at all...

[pchang]

life

You don't ask about the whole life, just one part of it. Everyone has at least one interest, but it certainly doesn't constitute their entire life. On the other hand, I've had complete strangers tell me WAY more than I ever wanted to know about them. I just nod and smile politely.

[Ishtar]

Hey Vel....
How's that picture of the night sky coming? Can't wait to see it!

Ish

[MrWhereItsAt]

It's also a little bit harder here in the massive metropolis of Wellington. There seem to be few enough ppl here (~400,000) that whenever I meet anyone new at Uni, I almost inevitably find out that they are friends of a friend, or more disturbingly (and frighteningly often) the EX of a friend.

And you just can't avoid ppl here.

There are tonnes of friendly ppl here - the trick would be to somehow prove that you are the one of them that she's just GOTTA know.

It ain't easy.

[Provost Harrison]

Well all I can say is that if Vel is as good at love as he is at SMAC, whoa baby

[Velociryx]

One more round before heading off to bed....

MrWhereItsAt: (got the name right this time! ) Yeah....that's the place where most folks hit a MAJOR stumbling block. After the intros, what the hell to say next.

There are a couple of things I do to help allieviate that.

First, I always go to a place that's very familiar to me....one where I can count on knowning several of the regulars and bartenders by name. Doing that makes you feel more a part of the fabric of the place, and automatically sets you more at ease.

It also sends a signal to the person you're striking up a conversation with....tells her that you're an okay guy....after all, if you weren't, you wouldn't have friends here!

Second thing: Focus on jewelry! LOL...I know, that sounds wierd, but really....jewlery is (or can be) pretty interesting stuff, and most ladies wear at least some. Commenting on that lovely Celtic knotwork necklace can open up whole VISTAS of conversation. Or perhaps she's wearing a ring given to her by her late grandmother....ask about it, and you'll find out the details, and there ya go. Another entirely new avenue of conversation! (to that end, it pays to brush up (more reading) on Celtic/Paganistic jewelry, various styles of jewelry, cuts of stones, and types of diamonds. Also pays to be able to identify at least a few TYPES of gems at a glance....more studying! Note too, that "jewelry" need not be confined to rings and necklaces! Tattoos, body piercings, and the like all count as fair game! If you see them on her, bring 'em up!

Barring jewelry, focus on books, music, and movies, cos they're immediately accessible and universally easy to talk about. Besides that, everybody likes at least ONE of those three, so you're guaranteed to have something to talk about (easy ins: If you're a writer, focus on the genre you write, if there's music playing, that's a natural lead in to that topic "oh man...this song sucks...yada yada yada...LOL" stuff like that.

Nother biggie: Find out VERY quickly what she's drinking, and if what she's drinking is her drink of choice. If it is...order her another when she starts running low. Don't ask, just order it. If she balks, you just bought yourself a drink, but no biggie. If she's not drinking her favorite, ask if she'd like one of ____ or another of what she's drinking. Two very smooth, easy ways to further the conversation and show what an attentive fellow you are! (if she's with friends, buy them a pitcher of whatever they're drinking and/or find out what her favorite song is and request it from the band ('specially if you know them...nice touch, and plays well with the aforementioned conversation on music!).

Try those on for size and see how they serve you!

Lady Ishtar: Good, steady progress on the new picture! I'm not completely happy with it, but it's getting there...it's getting there....

Provost:

-=Vel=-

[MikeH]

Originally posted by kassiopeia


*nods franticly*

I liked the part about writing, only problem is I suck at poems and other similar that would attract the opposite sex.

Forget the poetry if you aren't good at it. Just write anything I've written some really dark stuff and some girls read it and love it. The point is not necessarily to show that you can be all romantic, just that you have a bit more to you than just going out, getting drunk, watching sports and trying to get laid.

Flubber made a good point about many of the topics he and his wife talked about in the early days were actually about her but she didn't realise. One thing that people really like is for someone to be genuinely interested in what they have to say. Which is what Vel was saying about reading widely, if you are talking to a girl about her job, uni course or something else she's interested in and you can listen, understand and make sensible comments they'll generally think you are pretty great. I get the feeling there must be a lot of really crap guys out there giving us all a bad name but the girls I've been out with that I've not really known before hand have all commented that it's nice to meet someone they can actually talk to.