Spankings

[Gibsie]

Just having a bit of silly fun with a (tasteless) joke I heard a while ago JohnT, nothing to worry about- but I wouldn't dare troll like that on anyone less experienced with trolling than the Horse, really

[JohnT]

There is nothing funny about beating kids, man. Horse is talking discipline and you make jokes about abuse. Sorry if I fail to see the humor in it.

[Gibsie]

Let's hear a condemnation for the following one-liner from AH then:

"I really wish I didn't have to hit my kids - but they are deaf and dumb."

[Alexander's Horse]

Anyway back to the topic. I have boys. If I had girls I couldn't hit them

That would be a job for Mrs Horse

[devilmunchkin]

i've often thought about this in a future sense (since i don't have any children of my own) and wonder wht is the best way to discipline. My own parents made me deathly afraid of them without too much physical abuse. The very few times they resorted to physical punishment, it was fairly bad (but you could count it on one hand). they are hardcore practicers of what's called time out. Time out seems to work in some families (like ours) ...but in others it doesn't. perhaps you have to look at it in a situation specific way.
When my bro and sis were babies, mom might swat them when they were into something they shouldn't be (like drawing on the walls with crayons..or lipstick....or going near the stove....or my sis shoving my bro down the stairs ), but it was on the thigh (diapers are great padding), and only once or twice just to make a point.
Belts were never EVER used and i'd advocate against that.

[Dr Strangelove]

My father usually used his belt, and sometimes branches. My mom usually used a paddle or a hair brush. I was so well disciplined that I would reply "Yes Sir!" to my older brothers. I wasn't what you would call a spontaneous child. I had a great deal of trouble relating to other children because I was constantly fearful of punishment when doing anything not specifically given prior approval by my parents.

I suppose there really is such a beast as too much of a good thing.

[loinburger]

I didn't expect such a sharp increase in the number of childless people who disapprove of spanking over those who have children... I suppose I just thought that people would have more tact than to assume that they knew more about parenting than actual parents.

I don't have kids (I hope ), but completely approve of a moderate degree of physical discipline. I was incredibly stubborn as a child, and would probably have been completely uncontrollable if I hadn't been spanked from time to time. Logic and reasoning just doesn't work with some kids like me; I'd be stubborn for the sake of being stubborn.

My parents used "time out" on me also (they called it "standing in the corner"), but it just didn't work on me. One time I hit my older brother, and was made to stand in the corner until I told him that I was sorry. I stood in the corner for a full seven hours, and then I only apologized because my dad was coming home and I didn't want him to spank me. (Bear in mind that my mom administered spankings too, but I was always more scared of my dad's spankings for some reason).

[Alexander's Horse]

My grand father was an alcoholic so he'd beat the sh*it out of my dad and the others just because he was having a bad day.

On my mother's side her father was a saint and never hit the children. But my grandmother on that side would go after them with a switch from a cherry tree (ouch). That would be child abuse today.

In my family, mum did most of the discipline, including smacking us - but we thought it was fun to drive her to the point of tears at dinner time so that was okay. My father hit us very little but if he did go off he'd nearly kill you. I was smart enough not to provoke him that much but my other brothers were dumb defiant bastards at times.

In our house, I do most of the day to day discipline but, like me, its Mrs Horse they really fear

[RUFFHAUS 8]

How is it that there's no option about spanking your girlfriend/having her spank you?

[SlowwHand]

I thumped my daughter. That was usually enough.

[RUFFHAUS 8]

A quick swat on the ass is a good deterrent to misbehavior. Worked for me as a kid. Works for me as a parent. It's not a cure all for bad behavior of course, but what is?

Love your kids enough to spank them.

[Sarxis]

Where is thumbkin; where is thumbkin..

I use thumbscrews.

Quiets those kids down everytime.

[- Groucho -]

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
In my family, mum did most of the discipline, including smacking us - but we thought it was fun to drive her to the point of tears at dinner time so that was okay. My father hit us very little but if he did go off he'd nearly kill you. I was smart enough not to provoke him that much but my other brothers were dumb defiant bastards at times.

Sounds like a pretty compelling argument that spanking is completely ineffective.

IMHO - spanking is done by parents who are too lazy/frustrated/tired/unimaginative/whatever to think of a way of disciplining their child without resorting to hitting them. Go ahead and hit your kids, Horse. Just don't be too surprised when they take your little power play lessons to heart and grow up to be kids who think its fun to drive their mother to the edge of tears.

[Provost Harrison]

Spanking doesn't work or none of those half-cocked measures. I find the rack or the iron maiden a good deterrent to those tantrums and misbehaviour

[connorkimbro]

just my opinions. . .

I was, not to a great extent, but somewhat, physically abused by my father as a child. I also witnessed my younger brother and mother being physically abused. Again, not to some extreme extent, not as badly as many others had/have it, but it was there.

That being said, I support a MODERATE amount of physical punishment with the following stipulations

1. One thing that changes physical punishment into abuse is anger. Therefore never EVER EVER hit your kids when you are angry at them. Take 10 minutes, take a few hours, take however long you need to cool off before spanking.

2. Explain to them the reason why you are spanking them. Even to small children. They need to connect the punishment with the action. The need to understand that the ONLY reason they're being punished is because they did a particular thing wrong.

*exceptions to rule 1 and 2. if you see your kid about to do something that will injure/maim/kill themselves or someone else, then a quick smack is OF COURSE entirely appropriate, along with an IMMEDIATE explanition of why. This should be done in a LOVING/CONCERNED manner, NOT an angry one.

3. If you punish when your kid does wrong, reward when he/she does right. Or just randomly, not necessarily for any specific thing. Just to let them know that you approve of THEM as a person, and that you love them.

4. In case you were just skimming, and not reading, I'll say it again. LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM. And do just say it. Do it.

5. When kids are young, THEY are the center of their own universe. To them, their needs are most important. They might want to do something. If you make the desire NOT to be spanked greater than the desire to misbehave, then that discourages misbehavior. If you don't then, like someone else pointed out, they'll know that they can get away with it. A child that young isn't going to be able to comprehend any abstract sense of morals, or reasons WHY certain things shouldn't be done. What is it to them? THEY are the most important person in their universe, after all. Mommy, Daddy, Brother, Sister, Friend. . . all of THOSE things exist FOR that child, in that child's mind.

thus. . .
6. Once a child is out of that psychology, and able to consider others as equal to himself, and are able to reason things out which are right and wrong, THEN I personally advocate switching to alternate forms of punishment. Continuing spanking at that age discourages growth, as it is merely a continuance of being treated like a child. If, however, you instead utilize the "time out" rules or "being ground" along with reasons why you're punishing them AND reasons why what they did is wrong, that encourages and promotes growth. It gets them to rationally understand, and enables them to start thinking about whats right and wrong. IF YOU CONTINUE physical punishment past this point, they will only get more and more clever at evading being caught. If you explain why things are wrong, then they'll hopefully start to make correct decisions on their own.


I'm not a parent yet, but I personally think that this is pretty damn good parental philosophy, and it's the one i'll approach parenting with.