Oerdin's Iraq thread - Continued

[Chemical Ollie]

Man. what a mess! There's never a right time for your mother to die, but being in a desert shi'itehole on the opposite side of the globe when it happens, not being there for her, must be awful.

But being close could have its drawbacks too. My mother rents an apartment in my big house. She's 71 and has both cancer and heart errors, so I never know if she will be alive when I enter. My worst nightmare is that my small kids will find her dead before I do.

To outlive your parents is the normal way of life, but it's surely painful when they pass away. My dad died from cancer that had spread to the bones (awfully painful) when I was 22. I still regret not being there for him the last 2 days, but I had to go back to University, or else I would had missed too much of the classes. Even If he was very sick, I could not know if he would live for two more days or two more months.

[Chemical Ollie]

I don't know what's worst, a SAM-dodging helicopter ride or a IED-dodging Hummer convoy? I haven't heard of any helicopter chrashes for six months or so. Did the guerilla run out of SAMs or did the US Army change tactics? Whatever it is, I hope you have a smooth ride home.

[The Mad Monk]

Hopefully, he's on his way home, now.

[Straybow]

I grieve with you, oerdin, sis, & family.
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I think once you are an adult the impact of a parent's death is not effected by your age.

Many here don't believe in prayer, or God. I do, and I prayed on the way to the hospital a few days after my mother had been admitted due to cerebral hemorrhage. As she slipped in and out of consciousness I felt powerless. He reminded me of a song from an album I hadn't played in a couple years and encouraged me to sing it to her in the ICU.

In Every Need (text and chords) from Way Back Home (album track clips) (available here)

I normally don't push things; I'd give you a copy if I could. Phil Keaggy originally did this in the months after his father's death, this song and four or five others using poems from his father's favorite book.

[oerdin's sis]

Just an update....

Oerdin arrived in Baghdad last night around 10pm (pacific time... ) and called this morning from Kuiwait City at around 9:30 am (again Pacific time)

My post was just interupped by the phone... He has a flight out of Kuiwait to Amsterdam, then to Detroit, then home, but he will not be here until 5 pm tommorow....

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers... it means alot to us....

[Alexander's Horse]

sorry to hear about your Mom

but maybe the timing got you out of there for some good reason

[East Street Trader]

My condolences, Oerdin - to you and your family.

The pride your mum felt in the service her boy was giving so far from home is one of the things that will have sustained her. No need to regret it.

[DanS]

Wish you were coming home under better circumstances, Oerdin. My condolences.

[Stuie]

Having lost both of my parents, I know how bad it sucks. All I can say is once the initial grief is past, hang on to the good memories and let them be a source of happiness.

[Dinner]

Well, I finally got home yesterday at around 5:30 PM. It took me a grand total of 50 hours of traveling to here. I had a 3 hour flight from Al Kut to Balad to Baghdad on a twin engine Chinook helicopter. The helicopter had to be unloaded before it could be reloaded so we took off 1400lbs worth of Psyop product and several pallets worth of munitions and medical supplies. I out processed for leave in Baghdad and then I flew to Kuwait City on a C-130 owned by the Georgia State Air National Guard. The C-130 had a flight crew which was 75% female (very unusual) but the flight was excellent and we arrived in Kuwait 15 minutes ahead of schedule. On board was the human remains of a Japanese national who was killed in Iraq and the casket was being escorted by the Japanese ambassador to Iraq and the Commanding General of Japanese forces in Iraq. When we landed in Kuwait international Airport a mixed Japanese-American honor guard had been arranged for the dead man though they didn't have enough people to carry the casket so I and several other Americans volunteered to carry the casket from the airplane to the hearse.

Once in Kuwait I went to the American base “Camp Wolverine” which is located on the Kuwaiti Air Force Base Doha. The base is right next to Kuwait International Airport though it consists almost entirely of tents. I filled out a ton more of paperwork and then 12 hours later I was finally given a ticket on a Northwest Airlines flight to Amsterdam. Hours and hours later I finally made it home after another stop in Detroit.

I’m afraid my father isn’t taking things to well. He’s all broken up and has been drinking heavily. When I arrived at the airport he wasn’t there and when I called his house he didn’t pick up. I waited a half hour then I called him again; this time he picked up but his voice sounded like he had been drinking and had fallen asleep. I said I could call a friend to come get me but my dad said he was fine and that he’d be there in 20 minutes. When he arrived I could tell he really shouldn’t have been driving and that he most certainly wasn’t fine. When he saw me he started to cry (my father never cries) and I hugged him and then told him I would drive the car. He told me that my mother’s sister, her husband, and my cousins were expecting us at their house so I drove his car to my aunt’s house. At my aunt’s house he got totally tanked and was emotional. He got so drunk I practically had to carry him out to the car which was not easy as my father is a large man.

I’m going to see if I can’t talk to him today. I’m hoping that talking will help get him over this self destructive behavior. My parents have been married since high school so I knew he’d take this hard but I’m wondering if I might not be in over my head. Does anyone have any suggestions on approaches I should take? I’m very concerned about my father. Any advice would be helpful.

[Stuie]

Is your father active in any groups/organizations/religion/whatever? Get his friends involved if possible. If he's religious, get your priest/minister/whatever to assist.

Discourage the alcohol if at all possible; I know from experience that it just delays and intensifies the grieving process.

[Dinner]

MY family has never been particularly religious. I'd say we only went to church when someone gets married or when someone dies. As it is my aunt and I were talking about trying to plan some sort of memorial service for my mother. She wanted to be cremated so a traditional funeral is out of the question (she wouldn't have wanted one anyway) but some nice service where people could remember the good things and say good bye would be nice. I'll call my sister today and see what she thinks.

[lord of the mark]

Condolences. Losing a parent is hard.

[East Street Trader]

Just stay close to your dad and don't drink along with him. My dad took the death of my mum very hard - I rather expect most partners in a long marriage probably do the same.

He'll get over the excessive drinking before long but you might make a resolution, in so far as your service allows, to see more of him and involve him more in your own life in the future. Because the hole your mother leaves in his life is tough to fill. I started to go over to stay with my dad alternate week ends after my mum died and I know he values that very highly.

Try to take the strain a bit with the funeral arrangements, notifying close friends and relatives and neighbours, working out what the person who conducts the service should say about your mum's life, choice of hymns and so on. Maybe your dad will wish to take a big part in all that but from what you say maybe not. There is a surprisingly lot to do. If you have as little experience with funerals as me you might need to speak to the funeral directors and make sure you have the bases covered.

In the meantime just be there, that is enough.

Tears are good.

[self biased]

my condolances.