how many is too many

[East Street Trader]

I had a rule for my daughter that she could not stick with one boy friend for too long (like 3 months). It was an artuificial rule and would have got itself relaxed extremely readily had the need arisen. But the underlying idea was sound.

You should play the field a bit.

So I would not altogether like "one" as the answer.

There is a scene in 4 Weddings and a Funeral where the (faintly unappealing) american girl casually lists out to the wimpish (but, it cannot be denied, appealing) Brit all of her numerous lovers with some brief livestock notes concerning their performance. Now God forbid that I should be subjected to that - but if I am, the lady is really called upon in such a case to lie like a trooper so as to understate wildly. Because there is a fixed rule of statistics that every male must have slept with about five times as many women as the number of males that the most promiscuous woman will admit to. I am not sure what happens if this rule is ever broken but I imagine that procreation will probably end as the damaged egos of men everywhere, fragile when it comes to these matters, turn them instantly impotent.

So I rather think 7 would indeed put me off.

To be wholly safe I'll go for two.

[duke o' york]

Poor old troopers - they've already got a terrible reputation for swearing, and now you're suggesting that they are prodigious liars too, EST.

[Drogue]

Originally posted by East Street Trader
I had a rule for my daughter that she could not stick with one boy friend for too long (like 3 months). It was an artuificial rule and would have got itself relaxed extremely readily had the need arisen. But the underlying idea was sound.

You should play the field a bit.

I can understand the idea of trying to get her experience, but this seems a bit extreme to me. She couldn't stay with a bloke for more than 3 months? And why would you want her to play the field like that? Then you go one to say that you'd rather anyone you were with had less than 2 partners? I must say I'm a little confused why you would want your daughter to do something that would put you off a girl you were seeing.

Originally posted by East Street Trader
So I would not altogether like "one" as the answer.

But two would be too many? Then what answer would you like?

Originally posted by East Street Trader
There is a scene in 4 Weddings and a Funeral where the (faintly unappealing) american girl casually lists out to the wimpish (but, it cannot be denied, appealing) Brit all of her numerous lovers with some brief livestock notes concerning their performance. Now God forbid that I should be subjected to that - but if I am, the lady is really called upon in such a case to lie like a trooper so as to understate wildly. Because there is a fixed rule of statistics that every male must have slept with about five times as many women as the number of males that the most promiscuous woman will admit to. I am not sure what happens if this rule is ever broken but I imagine that procreation will probably end as the damaged egos of men everywhere, fragile when it comes to these matters, turn them instantly impotent.

Really? I'd actually feel more confortable hearing that list than not. I like talking about people's past experiences, even when dating them. But my strangeness aside, why should they lie? You think it would damage that many egos knowing that you're lovers had been with roughly the same number of people as you have?

[East Street Trader]

You are a well balanced chap, Drogue.

Among the rest of us those rather solemn chacters who went in for huge, quasi-scientific surveys of such things found that all men exaggerate the number of their partners and all women understate.

In relation to men this is thought to say something about ego and in the case of women about social convention.

Sorry to puzzle you with that rather laboured post.

[Drogue]

I agree with that post. I think most men feel the need to inflate, and most women think men will be put off if they have slept with quite a few. I'm just curious as to if this is the truth. Would most men be put off by it? This list seems to suggest that many don't care, and that out of those who do, the average number that is the limit is between 10 and 20.

As for men bragging, I think it is getting better. I think my generation doesn't have quite the same stigma attached to sex, virginity and experience. While most of my parents generation seem to presume that all teenagers lie about how many people they've slept with, it seems to be less the case. I will still admit, many, if not most, do, but I don't think its as widespread, not as necessary as before.

Another reason is that talking to girls, it seems innocence is a bigger issue to them than to blokes. Girls used the phrases slag, whore, etc. as derogitory terms to other girls more then blokes did. It seems a self perpetuating thing, whereby girls put pressure on each other to not sleep around, whereas most of the blokes there didn't really care. It seemed more apparent that the blokes cared about how "common" they perceived a girl to be, by how she acted, rather than by how many people she had been with. Some girls managed to sleep around, and were known that they did, but did not get labelled common, whereas some that were not so prolific did. However the girls seemed to judge more on how much other girls slept around.

However that's all a side issue. Sorry about the inquisitive post, what I more meant to ask was whether you thought blokes should exaggerate, and whether girls should understate. I agree that they do, but is that a good or a bad thing? IMHO, I think it is bad, because I would prefer to be honest with someone,and I would prefer them to be honest with me.

[Bereta_Eder]

When after some years I met with my first "luuuv" (which I nartisistically had thrown away but she never seemed to mind - she seemed to know me better than myself or that's how it looked like) we talked about what we've been up to. There was no reason to lie. It can safely be said that her "experience" was much, much bigger than mine. I actually felt happy for her if she was happy. On a side note, funny you don't know what you have when you have it then you look for it but it was always there when you had it Not that it would have worked out since I'm a despicable bastard in certain things, like that a girl must be close to goddess beauty to relate to me

[Sprayber]

It's too easy for lieing to become a habit in a relationship. It becomes easier to just tell a small lie to avoid any hint of tension then to be honest in the first place. Why not just start out with the truth.

[Jon Miller]

I think the mean girls have more partners than dudes

it is just that there night be more highs who are guys

Jon Miller

[Jon Miller]

among my (male) freinds there are just a couple (2-5) guys who have had sex with more than a couple (2-5) girls

and one of those had sex with girls 4-~10 in the last 1.5 years

and all my freinds are my age and over

I might be wrong, but I think that this is pretty usual for the mean guy

Jon Miller

[SpencerH]

Shouldnt the question be phrased as how many different sex partners per year (on average) is too many?

answer: more than 2

[Jon Miller]

I would wonder at more than 2, yah

Jon Miller

[Drogue]

Originally posted by Jon Miller
I think the mean girls have more partners than dudes

it is just that there night be more highs who are guys

I think you mean median. Presuming heterosexual partners, the mean will be identical. But the median could, and probably is different. I think what you're saying is that the median guy, the one in the middle, has slept with fewer people than the median girl, because the people above the median guy have slept with more people than the people above the median girl. So the mean is the same, but the middle person is different.

Though I wouldn't agree. IMHO it will be roughly the same, with the exception that girls mature earlier, and so from the age of 13-mid twenties will be higher, since they sleep with older people. Then the difference will start to curtail.

[Jon Miller]

yah

I meant median, oops my bad

Jon Miller

[Drogue]

Originally posted by SpencerH
Shouldnt the question be phrased as how many different sex partners per year (on average) is too many?

answer: more than 2

Well, that's flawed too. If a 86 year old had 140, I would think that a lot (2 per year, minus 16 years of childhood) whereas if a 25 year old had 18, I would think that as more reasonable. It is a better method, but not perfect, IMHO. But then I really couldn't care less. It's sex, it's fun, why should people deny themselves it for how they will be seen? I'd admire someones honesty and integrity if they had slept with many people, that they don't see a reason to needlessly curtail their pleasure.

Obviously that may change to people who've had unwanted children. Having pleasure is one thing, being irresponsible with regards to protection is another.

[boann]

interesting... stuff said here.

so im going to be honest since there aren't many women here....just to give you a female perspective.

im 48
ive been with 12
5 i loved and the rest friends or one night stands.
some i regret some i don't.
i married 3 of the 5.
i didn't cheat on anyone, though i did consider it once.
and i did love one more, that i never had sex with.

i don't regret any that i loved.... i feel lucky to have found that many that touched my heart with love.

my life has never been boring.. and ive got a lot of
wonderful memories.
though when i was young i imagined that those memories would only be with one man.
but life isn't always as we envision it when we are young.

and just so you know i was a virgin when i got married the first time at 19.


and no you can't add on any cause you think im lying , cause there isn't any more.