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Let Me Tell You About What Boann Sent Me For Christmas
I've not been online much the last couple, and now you'll understand why.
Christmas Eve eve day, and I get this CARE package from Boann.
It's this box of hot sauces, a bottle of salsa, and hot peanuts.
So I look at this one bottle of hot sauce, and it has this warning attached, "Use 1 Drop Only".
Oh, well. **** me. I'm not messing with THAT right now.
So I check out this can of peanuts.
Again, it's talking about warnings and such.
I figure, wtf, I'm a tough-guy.
Plop, a handful in a beer.
Not only did the peanuts retain their heat, they turned the beer into like a can of molten lava.
Tasty.
Emboldened, I decide to check out the salsa.
There are no warnings, to speak of.
So I do what one could consider an ordinary and average dip of a tortilla chip into the salsa, pop it in my mouth.
At the same time, I'm dipping a 2nd chip.
The heat from the first overtakes me so quickly and completely, I lose my head and chomp the 2nd chip down right behind the first.
I'm in agony.
My tongue is hurting soooo badly.
You know that part of tongue that holds it down to the bottom palate of your mouth so as it doesn't go flapping around ?
Severed by heat.
So my old tongue is just a-flopping around as I say
"Oh no. It ih ooo ot!" Hard to say when one's tongue is uncontrollable.
So i reach in my mouth with my hands, try to get the tongue under control. Straightened out. Useable.
The salsa residue flames the tips of my fingers.
Blisters them. Burns off my finger prints.
They took me to the hospital and did a skin-graft to anchor down my tongue.
The fingers are now healed, but no prints will return.
I have mixed emotions about my CARE package.
Christmas Eve eve day, and I get this CARE package from Boann.
It's this box of hot sauces, a bottle of salsa, and hot peanuts.
So I look at this one bottle of hot sauce, and it has this warning attached, "Use 1 Drop Only".
Oh, well. **** me. I'm not messing with THAT right now.
So I check out this can of peanuts.
Again, it's talking about warnings and such.
I figure, wtf, I'm a tough-guy.
Plop, a handful in a beer.
Not only did the peanuts retain their heat, they turned the beer into like a can of molten lava.
Tasty.
Emboldened, I decide to check out the salsa.
There are no warnings, to speak of.
So I do what one could consider an ordinary and average dip of a tortilla chip into the salsa, pop it in my mouth.
At the same time, I'm dipping a 2nd chip.
The heat from the first overtakes me so quickly and completely, I lose my head and chomp the 2nd chip down right behind the first.
I'm in agony.
My tongue is hurting soooo badly.
You know that part of tongue that holds it down to the bottom palate of your mouth so as it doesn't go flapping around ?
Severed by heat.
So my old tongue is just a-flopping around as I say
"Oh no. It ih ooo ot!" Hard to say when one's tongue is uncontrollable.
So i reach in my mouth with my hands, try to get the tongue under control. Straightened out. Useable.
The salsa residue flames the tips of my fingers.
Blisters them. Burns off my finger prints.
They took me to the hospital and did a skin-graft to anchor down my tongue.
The fingers are now healed, but no prints will return.
I have mixed emotions about my CARE package.
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