Either Church or No Marriage!

[Jon Miller]

so you have a beleive against going to church?

sorry I didn't pick it up in your first post

well, if oyu are not willing to try it, than I recommend just being honest

she can decide wether to stay with you (hopeing you will change), or go ahead with the amrriage, or to end it

jon Miller

[Imran Siddiqui]

she seems to have been ignoring it for the past3 years, hoping that I will change.

Oy, not good. I think you did the right thing. You don't want to change and feel strongly about it.

[JohnT]

"Hoping that you will change..."

So many relationships have collapsed waiting on people to change. Honestly, I know it's harsh but you need to put your foot down and let her know that it is her decision; that you are who you are and you just don't believe. Period.

[Jon Miller]

I still say that you are both right

Jon Miller

[Jon Miller]

people do change though

but you changing for her is not a real change, and she should see that

you gusy both just need to determine how important it is to you both

Jon Miller

[Jon Miller]

btw

are you spiritual?
agnostic?
christian (but differently convicted)?
athiest?

some other religion?

Jon Miller

[Jon Miller]

if you are athiest, I would say tell her so, and know that it probably won't work

christian (but differently convicted), probably could work

Jon Miller

[CorpusScorpius]

Whatever makes U happy should be your primary goal.......................

[FrostyBoy]

lol

still lots of things I need to clear up

I have gone to church for many months, but it is now starting to repeat itself, and I can see now what church really is. I don't see a NEED for it.

It's like School, you can go there to learn Mathematics, but you don't NEED to, you could learn Mathematics elsewhere. I just don't see Church as being extremely important. But my Fiance does and she wants me to aswell.

Ah well, have to wait and see. I did tell her that it's her choice, but she was too afraid to make that choice and so she would put the choice back on to me; of course, to me, I don't really have a choice. I want to marry her, I just don't want to go to church for it, because that doesn't sound quite right. "Oh, you don't feel the need to go to church, so I can't marry you". Does that honestly make sense to anyone? What purpose would it have?

[FrostyBoy]

Originally posted by Jon Miller
btw

are you spiritual?
agnostic?
christian (but differently convicted)?
athiest?

some other religion?

Jon Miller

I don't like to categorize myself and what I believe in, so I never say I am a christian or whatever.

But I do believe in God.

[JohnT]

It makes all the sense in the world to me... she's a believer and that's how she thinks.

If you want to get married despite this hanging over your head, write up a pre-nuptial agreement waiving her right to claim alimony if she decides to leave you partly or totally for "religious differences."

[Jon Miller]

you seem to be christian (differently convicted)

it probably should work than

you will just have to work with her, (as she should work with you)

one thing you can suggest is that you guys try goign to a different church

I found that some got stale and lacked worth, but others were much more satisfying

maybe you would find one to be satisfying also

(as in mathematics classes, some profs are slow and unsatisfying, and you are better to learn outside of class, other profs are exciting and imaginative and thier classes are a joy to go to)

Jon Miller

[chequita guevara]

I wonder if her church is putting any pressure on her.

[Jon Miller]

sorry

than I would probably classify you as spiritual (a lot of my freinds who use to be christians are this way)

is it truly a church thing (as in going to church), or is it a christian thing? (like what oyu beleive)

also, you can talk to others, but churchs can provide a lot of survice of a non spiritual nature

as in social survice

AH has talked about this facet numerous times

Jon Miller

[Capt Dizle]

If you don't see a need to go to church, then you and she are probably in different camps and will be until one or both of you changes.

I would assume that she is a born again believer. If so she almost certainly believes that you are going to go to hell if you are not born again. I think she wants you in church in the hope you will be saved.

If by saying that you do not see the need to go to church, and by extension, do not see the need to be saved it would lead to the conclusion that you are an unbeliever, at least in the need to recieve the Holy Spirit.

I'd guess one or both of you are ducking the real issue by trying to define this as a "going to church" issue rather than an issue of faith.

All things being equal I do not think she should marry you. God commands his children to be separate from the world. Following that command leads to joy, ignoring it to sorrow.