Either Church or No Marriage!

[Bosh]

Calvary Chapel Bangor

You lived in Bangor? Dear god you have my sympathy.

<--- MDI boy

[Seeker]

Any religion that forces a choice between Love and God...................................

[Koyaanisqatsi]

Even better....about 20 miles north of Bangor. Bangor would be a step up, maybe some nice nightlife or something. Until everything closes at 9, at least.

Could be worse, could be the county. And I always wanted to live on MDI.

[Arrian]

Religious differences strike me as a HUGE problem for a marriage. It's not a once-and-done issue, particularly if you plan on having children. She's gonna want them raised fundy, you know.

You have my sympathy, Snoopy. Not a fun situation.

-Arrian

[Stuie]

Well, I'd write off the last three years as a "learning experience" and move along.

Where religion is concerned, you need a like-minded partner - especially once children are involved. That's why I married a good atheist.

[Pekka]

mrt144, really? Same here.. my mom who is so good christian thought she'd dump my dad, because they don't share enough things anymore, and to be correct, he doesn't want to talk about jesus enough. Well guess what, he doesn't give a crap. He's a man, he don't wanna talk about it, and he don't care about it. So, jesus is his main man now. Very christian. The logic is so incredible I could punch a car in half just in rage from that logic. It's just STUPID.

ANyway to this thread.. I don't know. I think, that if you love her you should be able to jump few hoops, but this has something in the air that says she thinks she can 'convert' you to a believer she is, and expects you to take part like she does. If not, this will heat things between you. It will take many ugly situations I guess. But she will not get it, ever. They never do these types.
They think it's their mission or something, and that it can happen even if you shout NO x 100000000. And at the end, they will choose jesus, and dump your ass.

And to be quit honest, I'm a christian too and I believe in jesus. No problems here. But I don't want to be hearing it all the time, I don't want it in my face. Especially from certain people not from this board though, I'm sick of hearing WWJD, lord this lord that, if that's the every other word and logic they use. STFU! If I ask these people to not bring it up all the time, it's impossible, there's no way around to it. And that's when I think, well maybe this person is fundamentalist, and that's never good. I think some of them have lost it and dropped the ball.

[Ned]

My Dad (was forced?) to convert to marry my mom. She said that after taking the courses, he almost called off the marriage to become a priest! Certainly, my Dad was not unhappy at the conversion, even though his family was.

I also think having both parents of the same religion is important for marriages and raising kids.

[chequita guevara]

I'm a recovering Episcopalian. The wife is a recovering Catholic. The religious arguments are just . . . weird.

[Zero]

Going to church cause of ur S.O..... been there done that.

not fun. Worth it? depends on the individual i guess.

[Spiffor]

Originally posted by Theben
Unless you are also extreme, there will be numerous conflicts about it in the future. It does seem you two love each other, but unless you can reach a compromise that you can live with for the rest of your lives, you should break up.

It is VERY important to know there will be no lifelong beef. Too many married couples break up after a mere few years because the lovers haven't realized they're simply not made to live their whole life together.

If you cannot reach a compromise that will actually satisfy both of you (and a real satisfaction, not a "oh, ok" intended to duck the issue, or to wait for the problem to pass), you are doomed either to constantly clash about the issue, or to break up after a few years of marriage.

It is very important to clear this kind of things out before marriage. Or, in other words, before it's too late.

[Spiffor]

BTW, did you discussed how you'll raise your children? As you're engaged, you should do so before marriage too. There may be a room for intolerable disagreement here. And again, better safe than sorry.

[FrostyBoy]

It is normal in Chinese culture to slap the hand, or use a cane firmly on the palm of the childs hand.

I told her that I don't agree with any form of child abuse of any level and I told her that we will not be doing that with our children. She had to think hard about it (which I found really strange, it's like, hmm.. is it ok to hit my children or not?) to me, the answer is obvious.

I'm hoping she will eventually learn why not to hit children, but I don't want to change her, however, people do need to learn, no matter who I marry, they're all going to have many things to learn in their life; and same goes for me.

Anyway, we seemed to have resolved our issue, but we didn't really finalise anything, we just simply stopped arguing. The debate is bound to come back up again.


Ben, I understand what you are saying, but I don't like social groups or gatherings very much. I'm not saying I have social problems, I am just saying I don't like social events. The only part of church I like is when the pastor preaches, I like this because I like to learn. I'm not interested in what the rest of church does. I'm very suspicious about the 10% tithings. I can't see why God would need money. I can't see why church would need money if the people of church have God, sounds like a lack of faith and trust to me.

If you were truly faithful and trustful of God, you would give EVERYTHING you have away, just like Jesus said in the bible - but I don't think people trust God enough to go to that extreme. They all think "oh, but wait, I might need it to survive, what if I am wrong, what if there is no God and I have given everything I own away!". So I know there is a sense of distrust in Christians around the world. Probably the true believers are on the streets or living deep in some wilderness area somewhere on this planet.

One thing I don't like about the preaching is that the pastors make out that they must be right because God is talking through them. I disagree with this.

I don't believe that humans have the capability to comprehend God and his Universe accurately. So whenever I listen to a sermon or whatever, I take it in, I archive it, but I don't carry it out fanatically.

I have actually had a funny/interesting thought a few months ago. I wanted to see if I could send our a mass message to the world, to all the people of all the Christian churches. I was going to tell them "Don't go to Church in suits this Sunday, go in rags".

Probably then you would find the true believers.

[Spiffor]

Originally posted by Sn00py
Anyway, we seemed to have resolved our issue, but we didn't really finalise anything, we just simply stopped arguing. The debate is bound to come back up again.

It doesn't look like a solution. You really should bring up the issue, and solve it before marriage. Even if that means postponing the marriage, that's worth it.

[Theben]

That sounds more like you gave up arguing from frustration.

I agree with Spiffor, you need to finalize this before marriage.

[FrostyBoy]

It will be brought up again before marriage, that I can assure of. I think we both need to weigh up what's most important for the each of us. Our belief or Marriage.

The thing is, I am happy with what she does, she is just not happy with what I do. Which has to be the Singapore-New Zealand culture clash. We are very accepting people, Singaporeans are not.