Literary Analysis of Apolyton Posters

[Dr Strangelove]

No one dares to analyze me!

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Stefu

Stefu's relentless quest to expose the internet's more bizarre sexual fetishes has been recently exposed as a diversionary tactic in order to hide his own position as founder of the "Udderlings". Udderlings have a sexual fixation on dairy produce and depict themselves as anthropomorphic cheeses, yoghurts or other milk-based produce. Stefu (real name Tatu Ahahahahahahahahahaha!) is known in their community as "Big Cheese" and is justly famous for his artwork depicting the furry and moist intimate patches of bacillus growth of fellow Udderlings. Every Friday night his community congregate for "tinysex" sessions (known as "churning" amongst Udderlings) where Stefu can be seen enthusiastically licking the rinds of his colleagues.

Stefu's greatest claim to fame in Apolyton came in Suomithreadi 4 where he accidentally performed a successful demonic summoning through mis-spelling a particularly obscure gynaecological term and had to abandon his posting for the night after vomiting ectoplasm over his keyboard.


Asher

Asher is not his original handle- he was previously known as "Ihavenoarms" and made all his posts by pressing his face into his keyboard and giving the keys a vigorous tonguing. Regrettably, being a typical sloppy computer-based "indoor type" his habit of eating at his PC caused crumbs and food debris to collect in his keyboard. This festering filth around the toxic keys of his i-Mac caused his tongue-based posting to give him botulism, which he blamed on Steve Jobs.

After abandoning his concept posting, he started using his arms again. He also branched out into the performance art scene where he met his boyfriend- an avant-garde mime artiste who recently spent a full three weeks on a Calgary street corner impersonating an Intel-compatible heatsink. Asher was so impressed that he took him home to meet his motherboard.

He posts on Counterglow despite being Canadian, and is best-known there for his publicly-stated desire to have artificial breasts fitted so that he can nurture and suckle Venom.


Skanky Burns

Antipodean trawlerman recently released back into the community after an unfortunate incident with a gazelle in a juicer. Skanky firmly believes that if you can't say something nice about someone then you shouldn't say anything at all, and therefore spent a couple of years moaning and gently butting his head against the wall while visiting Apolyton. This ended last June when he unexpectedly snapped during a visit to the M003 forums and posting an 8,000 word diatribe describing exactly why everyone posting on that day was a "stinking **** ****" and anounced that on his next visit he would be posting stark bollock naked and wearing DanQ's severed head as a rudimentary penis sheath.

Famously stated on Apolyton that he had been stalking Dan Magaha for years and now had some grainy photos of him sunbathing naked at Cyprus which he intended t auction on E-bay. Just before the thread was locked, he announced that extracts of the Civ4 source code could be clearly seen reflected in Dan's suntan-oiled scrotum, hence the high reserve price.

[Whaleboy]

Missing someone?

[Urban Ranger]

What does that have anything to do with their literary style?

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

To understand the style, you must first understand the man, Grasshopper.

[Urban Ranger]

[DarkCloud]

-Lonestar

The poster no one remembers to refer too.

...Even though you are refered to in Imran's itinerary

-
Sorry Skywalker, I'm not sure what I can say about you...
-

Stefu

Stefu is the quintessential Finnish humorous author. He brings the humor of Finland to the community of Apolyton at no cost. He’s here every day in and every day out, posting away, relating his intelligent observations and considerations of the world at large.

Unlike many of his brethern, Stefu still takes the time to post outside of the Suomithreadii (ed- Of course many of the finns post outside the thread, but this just sounds better) Stefu’s consideration for the English language should be well noted in this day and age when so many posters strive to communicate solely in alternative languages. (The large and ominous Welsh-bloc provides just one example of this seditious trend in modern literature)

Stefu, in lending Finnish humor to English-speakers in their native language, provides an oft-overlooked insight into both Finnish culture and his own character. Through his literature, Stefu reveals to us all that he is more than just another “scary foreigner” from the Northern Wastes (as so many Apolytoners happen to be) and that he is a warm person- oft-given to creating smilies on demand and enlightening banners depicting nefarious bag-men molesting cute little kittens.

In addition to all that, Stefu very possibly was the originator of one of the longest-running cultural traditions here at Apolyton, that of the Banana-option in polls. And for that, some may thank him, and some may trash him. But whatever the “banana” option may be... intellectual waste, or cultural icon- “banana” is very much apolyton and apolyton “banana” will stay.

Asher

The name "Asher" immediately brings to mind the name of one of the lost tribes of Israel to any literary person... However, most literary persons would run screaming from the name if they knew what dark and occult words were uttered hence from its mouth.

There is so much to say about Asher and his general literary contributions that is best left unsaid.

Therefore this reviewer will honorably allow someone else to detail the life of this relatively young hell-raiser from the evil Canadian North... For he is too afraid to do so himself.

[DarkCloud]

Solver, UberKruX, I'll try to get to you at some point in the future

Well, no, not everybody. I mean, he couldn't even be bothered writing stuff on someone he does know and then slapping the name "Skanky" on the end of it. It worked well enough for Sava.

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Whaleboy, sorry, I must admit that I do not know enough about you to be able to do thee justice.

[DarkCloud]

Dr Strangelove- I'll see what I can do.

Lazarus and the Gimp- Good work [It's good to see someone backing me up ]

[David Floyd]

Ooh, do me

[Theben]

Sounds like Dave's sexually frustrated.

[Dinner]

It sure does.

[Theben]

Judging by your last 2 avatars, I could wonder the same about you.

[Dinner]

Good point.

[OzzyKP]

Originally posted by Lonestar
-Lonestar

The poster no one remembers to refer too.

Ozzy too.