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Apolyton Christmas story- The Little Stein-Seller

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  • #16
    To be continued/concluded.
    Either way... at least we get one more installment
    Keep on Civin'
    RIP rah, Tony Bogey & Baron O

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    • #17
      It just wouldn't be Christmas without a Gimp Tale.


      RAH
      It's almost as if all his overconfident, absolutist assertions were spoonfed to him by a trusted website or subreddit. Sheeple
      RIP Tony Bogey & Baron O

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      • #18
        You're a sick man, Laz. More!
        Click here if you're having trouble sleeping.
        "We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones." - François de La Rochefoucauld

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        • #19
          You can use me as cannon fodder, that should be fun - you THIEF
          Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/DaveDaDouche
          Read my seldom updated blog where I talk to myself: http://davedadouche.blogspot.com/

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          • #20
            Archbishop Miroslav Madrigalas Zylka was a legend. For thirty years the people of Apolytonia had swarmed to his services- even while congregations had dwindled everywhere else, and religion was talked of as if it was a museum relic, the good Burghers of the city had been known to trample small children and kittens underfoot in their haste to cram themselves into his church.

            Naturally the Church Synod were delighted and only too welcome to treat this as an act of God. Indeed, they were on the brink of having him beatified and set on the path to being hailed as a living saint when a shocking discovery was made. It turned out that it wasn't his rivetting sermons that put bums so enthusiastically onto seats, but the fact that he'd substituted the Communion wine for pure laudanum. Now his parishioners were all helpless junkies who would have sold their own kids to Vivisectionists if it meant securing themselves a position at Communion the next Sunday.

            There was a scandal, of course. Zylka was locked out of his own church and left to wander the streets ranting at the stars. He was not defrocked however- in fact, his methods started being quietly adopted all over the country so the Synod kept him as an Archbishop as a mark of respect. Unfortunately Zylka was a bitter man now, and had fallen into a long and loving relationship with the bottle.

            As he twitched and grumbled, a dark green bottle rolled out of his grasp and bumped sloshingly into Markos' foot. It was near-full pint of "Old Ottok's Very Finest Absinthe", bearing the traditional warnings about madness, hallucinations, murderously psychotic killing sprees, etc.

            The lttle stein seller sat down in the snow, and tried to warm his poor, frozen feet. He looked at the bottle. It was so cold out in the streets. Perhaps if he took a little drink to warm himself up? He pulled one of his cheap and shoddy steins out of the tray and poured a small hot into it. Closing his eyes, he drank it down.....
            The genesis of the "evil Finn" concept- Evil, evil Finland

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            • #21
              it also has a scenario!

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              • #22
                that's an instant cult name BTW
                Archbishop Miroslav Madrigalas Zylka

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                • #23
                  I really want to hear how this one will continue.
                  urgh.NSFW

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                  • #24
                    To be continued/concluded.
                    Good... you continued it
                    Keep on Civin'
                    RIP rah, Tony Bogey & Baron O

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                    • #25
                      Oh my god, ottok is in it! This year's Laz' Xmas story is already a classic.

                      and
                      Within weeks they'll be re-opening the shipyards
                      And notifying the next of kin
                      Once again...

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                      • #26


                        the good Burghers of the city


                        Burghers is a real english word? If so, that's left-over (old ?) dutch influence.
                        Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing?
                        Then why call him God? - Epicurus

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                        • #27
                          Very nice, Laz.

                          Burghers is a real english word? If so, that's left-over (old ?) dutch influence.
                          Nah, it's simply a relic of both languages' Middle High Germanic heritidge.

                          The reason you don't hear it much in English is because the term has been Frenchified.
                          "Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way. "
                          -Bokonon

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                          • #28
                            the archbishop's name is awesome.
                            B♭3

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                            • #29
                              Excellent.
                              I'm building a wagon! On some other part of the internets, obviously (but not that other site).

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                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Hueij
                                Oh my god, ottok is in it! This year's Laz' Xmas story is already a classic.
                                I wonder what the bottle says

                                and to Laz
                                I'm consitently stupid- Japher
                                I think that opinion in the United States is decidedly different from the rest of the world because we have a free press -- by free, I mean a virgorously presented right wing point of view on the air and available to all.- Ned

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