question for the married/long term relationship folks

[MRT144]

whats the longest youve gone without making love? and this means from one time to another. right now its been almost 4 weeks and its so frustrating and i just dont know what to do. we have talked about it and she says she just isnt in the mood, and that our relationship doesnt need it so much because we are so close.

what can i do?

[Timexwatch]

Hah. Sounds like bull****e to me.

How long have you been seeing her?

[self biased]

...

obviously, she's cheating on you.

...

i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but in my experience that's the answer. especially with the "our relationship is close enough we don't need to" horsepoop.

however, in the event i'm wrong, ask her if there's anything that you could do to get her in the mood.

[MRT144]

4 months now. i dont possibly see how she could be cheating on me because we spend a great share of our free time together...it would be amazing if she found time to...

[Sikander]

Re: question for the married/long term relationship folks

Originally posted by MRT144
whats the longest youve gone without making love? and this means from one time to another. right now its been almost 4 weeks and its so frustrating and i just dont know what to do. we have talked about it and she says she just isnt in the mood, and that our relationship doesnt need it so much because we are so close.

what can i do?

I've probably gone longer while in an LTR, but not much longer. Typically, a lack of sex in a relationship points to other problems in the relationship. It might for instance just be her, but the odds are that it involves you to some degree. It could be a million things, and she may not even be aware of exactly what it is herself. Your mission is to figure out what the deal is while simultaneously keeping a good "can-do" attitude about the relationship and not pi$$ing your gf off.

Fortunately once the issue is brought up and even rudimentarily discussed you should be back in the sack with her. Unless "the problem" is directly related to her desire for you or some other fundamental question, you don't have to solve it immediately. Simply identifying it and re-committing to the relationship and to working on it are usually enough to clear the decks for action. Good luck.

[Nubclear]

Perhaps she's enlightened?

[MRT144]

well we have discussed it and she says she cant figure out why right now. she is under a lot of stress as of late having to do with money and school and her roommate...

i think part of the problem is the fact that she also says that the fact that i think about it so much is a turn off. i think if i had sex more than once a month i wouldnt have to think about it so much. and for christs sake im 20 years old...

she is sexually attracted to me though. she is constantly fondling me and she tells me how attractive i am. its just point a. never gets to point b.

[Timexwatch]

Has she ever had sex? Had a really bad experience in the past?

The girl I'm dating right now had dated a huge ******* for over a year before we met. She took a bit to open up to the idea of sex.

[MRT144]

yes. weve had sex before... her and i. the only bad thing i can think about when i comes to sex between her and i is the fact that she says im a little too endowed and it makes her sore...

[Timexwatch]

Excuse me for failing to remember the previous lovemaking...I've been traveling today.

Stress certainly adds to the "not in the mood" factor.

Let me try this one: How long was the gap between first seeing you and sex? Was there a lot at the beginning of the realtionship? Do you think she kept up a better tempo at the beginning to make sure you were "snagged"?

[MRT144]

sorry i didnt mean to sound rude...

and as for the second question i feel exactly like that. that she was just doing it to get me to stay with her, but for me it was never about sex. I didnt stay with her and i dont love her because of sex or the promise of sex.

i mean there was about a month we waited before we had sex, and there was only a little fooling around in that time.

its just frustrating because besides the things i love about her, i also really enjoy making love with her.

im not going to break up with her because of a lack of sex either. there so much about her that i adore and enjoy that it would be ridiculous to do so.

[self biased]

four months does not a long term relationship make.

[MRT144]

right, but i see this possibly turning into that and its not like we are teetering on the brink of breakup any time soon.

[Theben]

she is under a lot of stress as of late having to do with money and school and her roommate...

could have a lot to do with it.

she says im a little too endowed and it makes her sore...

then quit aiming for the tailpipe.

[self biased]

good. stress can be a killer. give her a massage. make up something romantic. girls like that sort of thing.