I'm having major problems lately.

[Thorn]

I am very stressed, my school is not going so well for me now, and my relationship is strained. I don't even take care of my body.

There is a guy who I've had a crush on for quite some time, I talked with him, and learned that he was a born again Christian Baptist. He has a shady past, but I've learned recently that he is a member of Exodus, which is an ex-gay religious group. It has me really upset, especially since they are trying to convert other gays on my school. (There are at least 300 of us out of my school's 3000 population). I haven't had a talk with him yet about this, I happened to learn this information because he posted some religious thoughts on our GLBT Alliance forum.

He's a real nice guy. But I am enraged, I haven't felt so much hatred for religion ever I think. This makes me hate Christianity, and its prequel Judaism. I mean I really hate it. I've been recently finding that my views are becoming more in line with classic Nazis. This has me confused and upset. I thought I was over all of this crap.

For those of you that don't remember I used to be a unreligoius fascist anti-homosexual. My social views have liberalised quite a bit since then.

But I'm finding myself falling back into behavior of aggression and discontent.

I'm thinking evil things about people in masses, and these especially apply to Christians and other religious people.

I've looked through my archives for some of my fascist political party's (a relic of my high school years) stuff, and I find myself driven to dig deeper and think and think about it more and more.

I was at a WW2 mini-memorial and I had an intense urge to steal the Nazi battleflag that was displayed there on the wall. Hell afterwards I started looking up prices for what a new ones would cost.

I've been thinking about abandoning my love lifestyle, and I think I'm turning into a Nazi.

I am beginning to become consumed my hatred on levels that I haven't had for at least 3 years. I'm starting to agree with the principle of genecide.

Help me, I don't know how to stop this, I don't want this to be me, yet I feel a huge drive towards that.

I've improved so much up until now, I've basically been a liberal socialist....

Any ideas..... anyone?

[SlowwHand]

Rather than push religion away, I would suggest you draw it closer.
I've no knowledge of the religious group of which you speak.

[Thorn]

I have no religious background. I think right now if I could push a button and all the Christians in the world would die I would push that button in a heart beat.

I'm starting to think in German... I haven't spoken a word of it in about 4 years but I'm suddenly drawn to it...

And I listen to Wagner for hours.

What is wrong with me?!

[SlowwHand]

You come to a poor place to find out, Thorn.
Any minute now, negative waves are going to wash over this thread.

[reds4ever]

Originally posted by SlowwHand
You come to a poor place to find out, Thorn.
Any minute now, negative waves are going to wash over this thread.

what do you expect? he's (probally) drunk and (definately) wallowing in self pity?

[Alex]

Paint your whole body in black and go to one of those Nazi groups. You'll quickly regain your senses.

[Thorn]

I'm not drunk. I had a major reaction when they doubled my anxiety medication, so I went back down on it. Unless you think that could of caused this?!!?

I dunno... talk some sense into me, I am so isolated that I won't get it if not here. Hell I don't have anyone on IM who talks to me anymore.

[Japher]

Your angry, and understandibly so...

Your regressing to a time when you felt angry more and dealing with it in the only way you know how; anti-semitic thoughts and nazi-like emotions...

The fact that you know it is wrong makes you even more compelled to follow it, because for some reason your anger wants to make you self destruct.

Find another way to deal with anger, you need to let out. Exercise or even better go down to a gym and take up boxing or martial arts, that how should help over time. As for right now, go down to the gym and see if you can go a few rounds boxing or fighting... I have a friend who, whenever he gets mad, lets another friend of mine whomp on him... He says it really helps, if he didn't get his arse kicked he usually ends up in a lot of trouble.

Don't revert to your old ways, find new ones to get you through... Preferably healthy ones.

[Thorn]

Your regressing to a time when you felt angry more and dealing with it in the only way you know how; anti-semitic thoughts and nazi-like emotions...

I dunno if my thoughts are anti-semitic in the traditional sense, though I am starting to hate jews and christians but for religious not racial reasons... end result probably is the same no doubt.

My best friend is Jewish.... and I've been intentionally not emailing her back for months (she is stationed in Japan). She is pregenant and I think that upset me a lot, probably because she was the only female I ever thought I could have a relationship with.... but her strong religious values.... I dunno.... What I am doing is wrong and self-destructive.... it is not right to ignore your best friend....

The more I think about this all, the more upset I am getting. This is the exact kind of thing that makes me wished I would have commited suicide when I was depressed and had the ability to.

I have this game called return to castle wolfenstein which is a remake of Wolfenstein3d old shoot up nazis game... anyways I put this patch on it that changes all the Nazi uniformed soldiers and officers to women wearing uniforms. Is this related?

[Datajack Franit]

Trolls, again...

[Thorn]

No this isn't fun and games, I'll start one of those later, when I'm not falling apart.

[orange]

"lately" he says!

I've never laughed so hard on the inside in my life!

[MrFun]

Originally posted by SlowwHand
You come to a poor place to find out, Thorn.
Any minute now, negative waves are going to wash over this thread.

You called me?

[Wittlich]

Thorn, get out of North Carolina while you still can and head West! ... but I know, it's easy to say this than it is to actually do it.

[Elok]

I'd say you need perspective more than anything else. Romantic rejection is bad, but it shouldn't make you hate the world. Drop a brick on your toe. The subsequent introduction of real physical pain into your worldview should make you drop the goth charade real quick. If that doesn't work, you need antidepressants.