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A question for the Great Sages of Apolyton

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  • A question for the Great Sages of Apolyton

    A friend of mine posted this problem to me. After dwelling on it for quite some time, I am unable to come up with a satisfatory answer, so now I seek enlightenment from the Sages of Apolyton. [On preview, this post is rather long, but please read it through. Thanks]


    The situation is as follows:
    Sometime in 1997, my friend Howard met a penpal Yvonne the first time in person. Yvonne was an aspiring actress, Howard was an up and coming professional. Even though they both had been living in the same city, they only communicated by mail before then. Being penpals, they already had a basic understanding of one another.

    Due to their own hectic schedules, Howard and Yvonne didn't to meet often in person, but they kept in contact, again, mostly by letters. Knowing that Yvonne is an avid reader, Howard had sent several small gifts of books he handpicked to her.

    Fast forward to the end of 1998. During a semi-public function that took place late at night, Howard reported that Yvonne displayed unusual signs of affection towards him. According to Howard, these nonverbal signs include holding hands (sort of) and touching. Howard went up to shake her hand for one reason or another (I forgot), which ended up to be longer than a normal handshake, with her not withdrawing her hand afterwards, so it was like Howard holding her hand for a very long time (I reckon this is subjective time ). While they were "holding" hands, Yvonne touched the outside of Howard's upper arm (the one connected to the free hand) with her free hand, somewhere between a light tap and a firm grip. I am inclined to think it's much closer to the former. Later on that night, when they had their photo taken, Yvonne moved closer to Howard, so her shoulder and upper arm was pressing (lightly?) against his upper arm. Howard said he judged these actions to be unusual because Yvonne (to his knowledge) is a bit shy and withdrawn and not into physical touches.

    Try not to let a good ting slip away, yet not being sure of her intentions, he posted the question to some mutual acquaintance. Unfortunately for Howard, they told him not to make much out of it. If he had asked me, I'd tell him to go for the gusto. But then, I didn't know him at the time

    Sometime during January 1999, when Howard was taling to an assistant of Yvonne's agent, he suddenly asked Howard if he would be available at Valentine's Day. It was a startling question and Howard was caught unprepared. Before Howard was able to formulate an answer, the assistant got sidetracked. Eventually, Howard was unable to give him the answer.

    Things took a nosedive for Howard soon afterwards when he found out that Yvonne, who became his heart's desire, had a date with somebody else (call him Vincent) on Valentine's Day and started dating him shortly after.

    Fast forward to 2003. While Howard has been continuously blaming a bunch of people for him losing out on his Big Chance, he is still getting along well with Yvonne. Through one way or another he found out that she still hates Stephen, her former boyfriend, who apparently ripped her heart to pieces during their relationship. So now Howard is debating whether to couch Yvonne on ways to put Stephen out of her mind. On one hand, he would love to see her to finally rid her of the anguish and pain stemming from her prior relationship. On the other hand, Howard feels that he's so much better than Vincent, and that he is the one person who can bring Yvonne true happiness (yes, yes, I know...). This wound in her psyche, he reckons, is keeping her to completely fall into the laps of Vincent. In other words, this wound keeps the door open for Howard. Yes, that's what he thinks, don't ask me.
    The question is then, what should he do? Should him help her to forget the past, thus giving up whatever slim chance he still may have? Or should he let things be, cringing at the thoughts of Yvonne suffering from being gnawed from inside, thus being rather immoral, but will be better (according to him) in the long run?

    So, what do you think, o Great Sages of Apolyton? [I hate him badgering me with the question. ]
    (\__/) 07/07/1937 - Never forget
    (='.'=) "Claims demand evidence; extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence." -- Carl Sagan
    (")_(") "Starting the fire from within."

  • #2
    Here is my advice... help rid Yvonne of the anguish. His idea that the wound in her psyche is only thing keeping her to fall into Vincent's lap MAY be correct. However, by being there for her and getting rid of her anguish, he can perhaps put himself above Vincent and maybe Yvonne will see what a nice guy he is and decides she wants to date him instead.

    If not and soothing her psyche leads to him falling for Vincent, he can continue to be the good friend and wait for when she's free and single.

    Though I think spending time with her and helping her with her problem would go a long way in having him be elevated as boyfriend material in her mind.
    “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
    - John 13:34-35 (NRSV)

    Comment


    • #3
      Who the f is Vincent?
      We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution. - Abraham Lincoln

      Comment


      • #4
        Howard needs to move on
        "I hope I get to punch you in the face one day" - MRT144, Imran Siddiqui
        'I'm fairly certain that a ban on me punching you in the face is not a "right" worth respecting." - loinburger

        Comment


        • #5
          Howard needs to stop reading Harry Potter, buy some balls, and go shopping for a girl.
          "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
          Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

          Comment


          • #6
            sadly you cant go out and buy balls
            "I hope I get to punch you in the face one day" - MRT144, Imran Siddiqui
            'I'm fairly certain that a ban on me punching you in the face is not a "right" worth respecting." - loinburger

            Comment


            • #7
              Word

              Just tell the dumbass to ask her out on a date

              The worst she can say is no

              And if she says that it's because she's with the other dude

              So maybe he can hook up with her later even if she says no
              We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution. - Abraham Lincoln

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by MRT144
                sadly you cant go out and buy balls
                We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution. - Abraham Lincoln

                Comment


                • #9
                  Well he should still help the girl get the ex-ass out her mind. That way in case she says yes, he can go farther
                  “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
                  - John 13:34-35 (NRSV)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    And where does Speer fit in in all of this?
                    Within weeks they'll be re-opening the shipyards
                    And notifying the next of kin
                    Once again...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      F UCK NO

                      The LAST person you want to be is the guy who gets his shoulder cried on
                      We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution. - Abraham Lincoln

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by MRT144
                        sadly you cant go out and buy balls
                        You can buy implants and take more testosterone pills.
                        "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                        Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui
                          Well he should still help the girl get the ex-ass out her mind. That way in case she says yes, he can go farther
                          If you ask me, the girl is undesirable from her description.

                          The last thing you need is a girl with emotional baggage. Combine that with an indecisive ***** guy with an atrocious name, and you've got a killer couple.
                          "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                          Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            The LAST person you want to be is the guy who gets his shoulder cried on


                            Speaking from experience, that can lead to some nice sex
                            “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
                            - John 13:34-35 (NRSV)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              And where are you today in your relationship?
                              "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                              Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

                              Comment

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