The Joke's On You

[SlowwHand]

[Imran Siddiqui]

Good stuff all of you .

[Az]

[LTEC!]

Stealing my signature???!!!
sheeeeeeshh

[SlowwHand]

It was a package deal. Not intentional theft.
Guess I better round myself up, take me to the nearest tall pecan tree, string me up.

[Japher]

Did you hear the one about the bell-ringer replacement for Quasimoto?

[SlowwHand]

No. What ?

[Grandpa Troll]

A Famous Northern Litigator went down to Arkansas to Duck Hunt.

He went out to this field, saw a Duck, shot it, went to retrieve it. He approached the fence that seperated the hunting property from the adjacent farmers property. As he went to climb the fence, the framer approached him on his tractor.

"Just getting my Duck" stated the Yankee attorney.

"That thar's my duck....my property..my duck" drawled the Razorback agriculturist.

The enraged Lawyer was furious, spat out.."I'll sue you for everything you own and put you on the street if you don't let me have my %$#@*~ Duck!

Calmly, The Farmer, spitting his chaw of T-Backey on the ground, stated, "well, Mr. City Slicker, dont get your hair hung in a twist, we here in Arkansas settle things with a "Three Kick Rule".

Puzzeled, the Yankee inquired closer, "Whats that?..this 3-Kick rule?"

Again, spewing tobbacco juice toward the feet of the attorney, he continued.."Well, what we do is One of us kicks the other 3 times, then the other takes his turn, until one of us gives."

The Lawyer beamed a crafty smile, slyly, with his best game face on, he thought.."Hmm, I am 37 years old, I play racquetball 5 days a week, swim 3 days a week, run every day, eat healthy, am in the best shape of my life"..pausing, noticing the farmer was in his early 60's, smirked..stating

"You go ahead and go first old timer"

They each met on the farmers property, between the tractor and the dead duck. The Farmer walked up, Kicked the Attorney square in the Testacles, sending the attorney to his knees, tears in his eyes, blinded by the excruciating pain.

The next kick land by the steel toe of the farmers boot sunk into his kidneys area. The attorney lay sprawled out with a shortness of breath barely audible as he tried to take air.

The Farmer then kicked the Yankee in the face, breaking his nose, splitting his top lip, shutting his right eye swollen.

The attorney couldnt believe what had just happened, struggling with his last ounce of energy, he found strength to get to his feet. He looked out his one good eye, told the farmer, "Im gonna whoop your AR$E!".

The Farmer, spewing his Tobbacco chaw onto the attorneys right foot, smiled with his toothless grin..

stated "Forget it, you win, keep the duck!"


Peace

Grandpa Troll

[Japher]

THE BELLRINGER

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of
the cathedral of Notre Dame
sent word through the streets of Paris
that a new bellringer was needed.
The bishop decided that he would
conduct the interviews personally
and went up into the belfry
to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants
demonstrate their skills,
he decided to call it a day when
a lone, armless man approached him
and announced that he was there
to apply for the bellringer's job.

The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!" he said.
"No matter," said the man, "observe!"
He then began striking the bells with his face,
producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment,
convinced that he had finally found
a suitable replacement for Qyasimodo.
Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell,
the armless man tripped, and plunged
headlong out of the belfry window
to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street,
a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure,
having been drawn by the beautiful music
they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through,
one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop replied,
"but his face rings a bell."

(Wait there's more)

The following day, despite the sadness
that weighed heavily on his heart
due to the unfortunate death
of the armless campanologist,
the bishop continued his interviews
for the bellringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said,
"Your excellency, I am the brother of
the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death
from this very belfry yesterday.
I pray that you honor his life
by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition,
and as the armless man's brother stooped
to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned,
clutched at his chest and died on the spot!

Two monks, hearing the bishop's
cries of grief at this second tragedy,
rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened"
the first breathlessly monk asked, "Who is this man?"

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop,
"but he's a dead ringer for his brother.

[SlowwHand]

Yeah. I'm only a warm-up act.

[Japher]

My dad use to listen this radio station every morning that played both kinds of music (country AND western), and they use to give what they called "The Groaner of the Day"... It was the worst joke they could find.

Rather funny, when you know it's suppose to be dumb.

What's the difference between a Snowman and a Snowwoman?

Snow-balls

[Al B. Sure!]

oh my god...

[The diplomat]

Here are few ones:

10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.


What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone's been in a 747!


Q: Who made the first soft drink?
A: Adam -- he made Eve's cherry pop


Adam and Eve were standing opposite to each other when Adam got his first erection. The two watched, astonished, until Adam suddenly exclaimed, “Move aside -- I don't know how far its gonna go.”


If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?


What is a hooker in Alaska called?
A frostitute!


What has 75 balls and screws old ladies?
BINGO!


What do you call the moisture between two people having sex in Alabama?
Relative humidity

[Japher]

[The diplomat]

How do you keep a blonde busy?
Put her in a round room and tell her there is a vibrator in the corner!