Evil, evil girlfriends

[Urban Ranger]

Pekka, I think you just have to beat her up

[Pekka]

He knows it. Maybe he denies it. We ask him all the time why he lets her hit him. It's not like she slaps her to the arm, she puncher him in the face with closed fist.

I was once so pissed at her behaviour, that I asked her why she hits him, and does she thinks it is justified. She replied 'well he's being such a butthole now'. You can't get a real answer. Avoiding the real questions. And then I asked if she thought it would be ok if he punched her when she was being a ***** that she always is. I'm telling you, drinks were flying (mine and hers, when she pushed the table) and she was ready to scratch my face like a tiger. I was saved by my evil eye that gave 1000 thunderbolts and signalled that you better stay away from me. I mean this chick was actually going to attack me. I my friend? Did not step in. I know he wanted to help me, and get her to sit down, but he was afraid. He knew what would happen afterwards if she would dare to come in between, and stop her unjustified illegal physical assault against his own friend.
Man she was reaaaally angry, I had to shout at her to calm her down and tell her to sit the f down, and that I'm not his bf. I actually said that if she hits me, I'll hit back.. I wouldn't have done that, but I felt threatened. Ok, I'm getting caught up in this story, but anyway..

The only ways she knows how to cope with difficulties and confrontations is physically attacking, yelling, screaming like a little ***** she is, and blaming my friend. I mean she even blaimes him for stuff he's unable to affect, like bad weather. She thinks she's princess and queen and that she can do what she wants with people and no one is to challenge her views, ever. And this is the way she's with her own parents too! and her other friends. I know she will never attack me as I'll give her my 'my wish is your command, submit!' look, but I wish my friend would do it also. He doesn't even get visibly angry when she beats him. He's like being all sorry for something he KNOWS he's not guilty of.

And then you look at this circus and try to figure out what you can do, after trying almost anything except threatning the girl.

[Pekka]

UR, I wish I could do that... but I really can't and it's out of the question. If she attacked me, I could try to wrestle a bit to calm her down, holding her so she won't hit me but not being too gentle. And whisper 'if you ever do this again, I'll kill you and feed you to dogs'. Oh that would be so fun.. I'm fantasizing already.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Pekka, seriously, after that story, I think you need to sit down with your friend and lay down the law. If he still refuses to break up with her, then make an ultimatium: It's either her or you. If he says that's unfair to be making him choose, say 'tough'. Tell him you can't be friends with anyone that wants to go out with what he does.

[Pekka]

Imran, been there done that. We have even had a party, and we all planned a sit down with him. Didn't work. He can't decide for himself when it comes to easy things either. But he's a good guy, and we know he won't leave her, but we don't want to break our friendship, because it would happen 100%. He's a friend of yours since kindergarten for chist sake.

[Urban Ranger]

Pekka, I was kidding (note the smilie). The woman sounds like a real mental case. I don't think it's useful to argue with her or to let your temper flare.

What you can do, I think, is to drop by your friend's place when the woman isn't around town with some mutual friends to get him out of his place. Drag him to a movie, some drinks, or even just walk around a bit.

[Imran Siddiqui]

but we don't want to break our friendship, because it would happen 100%. He's a friend of yours since kindergarten for chist sake.

I know it is tough, but you have to. Listen your group of friends is suffering. I see it in your posts. This bothers you, raises stress, etc. And ALL due to your friend. He won't do anything about it so you have to say goodbye to him. You will be thankful for it later.

[Q Classic]

Man. She is abusive, no bones about it. Are there any support groups that your friend can be dragged to?

[Pekka]

UR, You weren't kidding, I know you weren't!

Well he's not a total prisoner. We get to hang out every now and then. But a nice evening can end any second. She calls her every 30 minutes to check up on him, and if she feels like it, she orders him to come back, and he goes running.

Imran, I would do it, but he's weak. It's like sickness, he can't decide anything. So I'm not going to leave him behind because of his weakness.. We have a strong bonding, very strong, and me braking it is out of the question, it will never happen and I will not let him down. I'm not suffering THAT much, but it sucks and we are sometimes worried for him. I'm not going to do the 'tough love' thing, since he's weak and can't help himself. The woman needs to go, but we need to make the woman want to let our friend go.

[Pekka]

Q Cubed, I don't know.. I don't think so. But I should say, that even when she beats her, it's not like he gets broken bones or something. Once he got a black eye, and that was the worst we know. She's lightweight, and our friend is quite muscular, so she can't inflict real damage. But beating is still beating.

[Pekka]

I must also add, that they did break up like a year ago. It was such a joy to see the man enjoying his life. He was having a really good time and being happy all the time. The woman was miserable. That alone was a joy to my eyes. Anyway, after few months, they got back together. He didn't want to admit it to us, knowing our reaction. But they did anyway.. Well the good thing was, that she was acting real nice for a small time. I mean, she was actually nice and we thought 'ok, maybe she has changed, let's give her another chance', and invited her every time we had a social gathering.. she was just peachy, once she even asked 'does anyone want something to eat' and went to kitchen and made us some good sandwiches, came back with a smile and we all had a good time. She was nice to our friend too, not beating, not yelling all the time. LIke she went to anger managment or something. But that only lasted a couple of weeks. Too bad.

[Q Classic]

hm... try looking for a support group. if your friend keeps getting suckered by this girl being sweet to him and then beating him, he might not have that much self-esteem; such things must be remedied for him.

look for one, and then drag him, kicking and screaming to a meeting; dupe him into going; do whatever it takes, short of punching him like his gf does.

wow. this is kinda scary.

[Pekka]

I'll look into that. Just to feel people better, she is not torturing him physically. Rather light beatings, and I bet she hurts her fist more than my friend. I'm more worried about the mental torture he goes through. I'll discuss that option with my friends, as it will be our group effort.

Tomorrow is his b-day btw, and we're having that BBQ. Naturally she's coming for that one, and there is no way she will start beating him, it's my grounds, my rules and she can leave anytime she chooses to, or I can remove her anytime I choose to. And I just might give him the tough love if he goes running back to her at his own b-day party. But if she'll be nice and like civilized people and not some nasty dominatrix, I'll let her enjoy as well.

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by Pekka
UR, You weren't kidding, I know you weren't!

Originally posted by Pekka
Well he's not a total prisoner. We get to hang out every now and then. But a nice evening can end any second. She calls her every 30 minutes to check up on him, and if she feels like it, she orders him to come back, and he goes running.

That's bad, he's like a total doormat. I think part of the reason is this woman has been destroying his self-confidence. The best thing you can do is to help him build it back up.

[Dis]

women are the spawn of satan. Men are gods creatures. This has been proven time and time again.

Just listen to Led Zeps dazed and confused song