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Save your groveling and admiration....
Here are my decrees, so I say them, let them be done:
1. Taxes for all will be lowered drastically for ALL-the poor AND the rich. After someone earns the equivlent of $10,000,000 a year income-they must show they are contributing to society, and not just lining their own pockets.... those who are unable too, are stripped of all their assets.
2. Presidents and prime ministers are not now needed.... as such they are my governors-elected by the people. Hicks are forbiden from taking govenor position-This means obviously that Chaq Cheraque(sp?) and George W. Bush will loose their positions.
3. Every wednesday is wet t-shirt night and free beer night-those who do not wish to participate in such heathen activies, will be provided with free religious classes.
4. All televangalists will be rounded up and brought to me-1 at a time. I will aproach them, smile then scream "HEAL!!!"-then beat them savagly to death with a billy-club. This may take many years-but as your leader I know it is my responsability, and I promise to get the job done.
5. A beer mine will be constructed in Australia(dont tell me you cant get beer from a mine!)
6. All door to door missionaries will be shipped off to the newely constructed beer mine-for the remainder of their lives.
7. Major corporations will have a quota on pollution. Any pollution which goes over the quota will be processed by the executives-personally, without tools. They must eat any solid or liquid waste-and inhail noxious gases. Lets see how impossible it is to produce pollution in industry now...
8. Petroleum is hearby banned by my edict.
9. All forms of drugs and alcohol are legal-anyone who commit a crime under the influence of such drugs however, will have quadruple the punishment. Anyone who gives such substances to children under the age of 18 will be executed.
10. Hillary Clinton will be put in a zoo, for tourists to come and gauk at.
11. The death sentance is hearby abolished, except for the other exceptions stated in this document.
12. The entire population of Australia will be relocated to the continental United States and compensated for this unforunate neccesity(we love you guys-you'll fit in just fine here!).
13. The purpose for reason 12-Australia will have 3 massive walls built on it, dividing it into 3 sections. One for white collar criminals, one for medium criminals, one for hardened criminals. Each section will be a penal colony, where individuals will serve out their term in a normal society, but one consisting soley of inmated(and gaurds). Inmates who have shown exceptional good behavior will be able to get jobs as gaurds and administrators there on release-if they choose. Any inmate who commits a violent crime or murder while on the colony, will be left to the justice of said ex-criminal adminstrators.
14. Religious fundamentalism is banned. Your God dosent want you to die for him, or you to kill anyone else for him. If you disagree get the hell out of my kingdom before I send you to Australia.
15. MASSIVE funding will go to space exploration. Currently $1,000,000 USD is spent on searching for killer asteroids... this will be raised to $50,000,000.00 A permanent colony will be established on the moon in 5 years-mars in 15. A massive system of probes will be sent to Europa-a moon of Jupiter which has a liquid ocean, and most likley contains life.
16. Any parent claiming their child has ADD or similar conditions will be have their taxes doubled. Im sorry if this dosent sound nice-such diseases dont exist. Where were they 200 years ago? If they do exist, they can be cured without drugs-as they have been for centuries-using such drugs makes one dependant on them.
17. The standard of passing in any given subject in schools will be 80%-not the standard 65% in most places.
18. STANDARD EXAMINATIONS ARE HEARBY BANNED-Teachers can use their discretion on a students aptitude, not some test-which forces them to teach just to the test.
19. Sallaries of all teachers are tripled by goverment mandate-they sure as hell deserve it-incompetant teachers will not get an increase. Your imperial regent, myself-will personally inspect 50 schools every year, and giving the teachers who I think are exceptional a $1,000,000 (USD) bonus. Some teachers go above and beyond the call of duty and REALLY need it.
20. ALL WEAPONS are to be confiscated by the goverment. They will then be re-distributed on a person by person basis to those who can show they will only use them in defense, in good faith.
21. ALL WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION ARE BANNED-Any countries outside my domain who do not like this will be occupied with ground troops and thoroughly scrubbed of any WMD's-the cost of such actions will be paid by the reisting countries, who will then be left alone.
22. Last, and finally, using satilute lasers, france will have the following words burned into it so large they are visible from space "APOLYTON RULES!!!"
I will now take petitions and pettitioners from my loyal subjects..... ask.
Edit: Your new leader is going to go work out-he will respond in 40 minutes or so.
Here are my decrees, so I say them, let them be done:
1. Taxes for all will be lowered drastically for ALL-the poor AND the rich. After someone earns the equivlent of $10,000,000 a year income-they must show they are contributing to society, and not just lining their own pockets.... those who are unable too, are stripped of all their assets.
2. Presidents and prime ministers are not now needed.... as such they are my governors-elected by the people. Hicks are forbiden from taking govenor position-This means obviously that Chaq Cheraque(sp?) and George W. Bush will loose their positions.
3. Every wednesday is wet t-shirt night and free beer night-those who do not wish to participate in such heathen activies, will be provided with free religious classes.
4. All televangalists will be rounded up and brought to me-1 at a time. I will aproach them, smile then scream "HEAL!!!"-then beat them savagly to death with a billy-club. This may take many years-but as your leader I know it is my responsability, and I promise to get the job done.
5. A beer mine will be constructed in Australia(dont tell me you cant get beer from a mine!)
6. All door to door missionaries will be shipped off to the newely constructed beer mine-for the remainder of their lives.
7. Major corporations will have a quota on pollution. Any pollution which goes over the quota will be processed by the executives-personally, without tools. They must eat any solid or liquid waste-and inhail noxious gases. Lets see how impossible it is to produce pollution in industry now...
8. Petroleum is hearby banned by my edict.
9. All forms of drugs and alcohol are legal-anyone who commit a crime under the influence of such drugs however, will have quadruple the punishment. Anyone who gives such substances to children under the age of 18 will be executed.
10. Hillary Clinton will be put in a zoo, for tourists to come and gauk at.
11. The death sentance is hearby abolished, except for the other exceptions stated in this document.
12. The entire population of Australia will be relocated to the continental United States and compensated for this unforunate neccesity(we love you guys-you'll fit in just fine here!).
13. The purpose for reason 12-Australia will have 3 massive walls built on it, dividing it into 3 sections. One for white collar criminals, one for medium criminals, one for hardened criminals. Each section will be a penal colony, where individuals will serve out their term in a normal society, but one consisting soley of inmated(and gaurds). Inmates who have shown exceptional good behavior will be able to get jobs as gaurds and administrators there on release-if they choose. Any inmate who commits a violent crime or murder while on the colony, will be left to the justice of said ex-criminal adminstrators.
14. Religious fundamentalism is banned. Your God dosent want you to die for him, or you to kill anyone else for him. If you disagree get the hell out of my kingdom before I send you to Australia.
15. MASSIVE funding will go to space exploration. Currently $1,000,000 USD is spent on searching for killer asteroids... this will be raised to $50,000,000.00 A permanent colony will be established on the moon in 5 years-mars in 15. A massive system of probes will be sent to Europa-a moon of Jupiter which has a liquid ocean, and most likley contains life.
16. Any parent claiming their child has ADD or similar conditions will be have their taxes doubled. Im sorry if this dosent sound nice-such diseases dont exist. Where were they 200 years ago? If they do exist, they can be cured without drugs-as they have been for centuries-using such drugs makes one dependant on them.
17. The standard of passing in any given subject in schools will be 80%-not the standard 65% in most places.
18. STANDARD EXAMINATIONS ARE HEARBY BANNED-Teachers can use their discretion on a students aptitude, not some test-which forces them to teach just to the test.
19. Sallaries of all teachers are tripled by goverment mandate-they sure as hell deserve it-incompetant teachers will not get an increase. Your imperial regent, myself-will personally inspect 50 schools every year, and giving the teachers who I think are exceptional a $1,000,000 (USD) bonus. Some teachers go above and beyond the call of duty and REALLY need it.
20. ALL WEAPONS are to be confiscated by the goverment. They will then be re-distributed on a person by person basis to those who can show they will only use them in defense, in good faith.
21. ALL WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION ARE BANNED-Any countries outside my domain who do not like this will be occupied with ground troops and thoroughly scrubbed of any WMD's-the cost of such actions will be paid by the reisting countries, who will then be left alone.
22. Last, and finally, using satilute lasers, france will have the following words burned into it so large they are visible from space "APOLYTON RULES!!!"
I will now take petitions and pettitioners from my loyal subjects..... ask.
Edit: Your new leader is going to go work out-he will respond in 40 minutes or so.
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