Bad jokes thread

[Tuberski]

After Michael Jackson's last son was born, he was walking out of the hospital with the doctor and the childs mother.

Michael asks the doctor, "How long until we can have sex?"

The doctor replies, " You should at least wait until he can walk."

ACK!

[Charlemagne120]

Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay....they would be baygulls (bagels)

kinda gotta say that one out loud to get it mosta the time

[mrmitchell]

Why did the girl fall off the swings?

(please refrain from your nasty dirty thoughts )

A: Someone threw a piano at her.

[Skanky Burns]

Whats white, rectangular, and floats in space?
A fridge.

[loinburger]

A poppa polar bear, a momma polar bear, and a baby polar bear were all sitting around picking their arses up in the Arctic.

Poppa bear spoke up: "I have a tale to tell."
Momma bear then spoke up: "I have a tale to tell."
Baby bear, who was chilly as a mother****er, and also had a terrible speech impediment because he had a cleft palate, said: "My tale is told."

[Felch]

Two penguins are taking a bath. First penguin asks the second penguin for a bar of soap.

Second penguin says, "What do I look like, Your personal typewriter?"

[Darius871]

So a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

[Tattila the Hun]

So a man walks into a bar, orders a beer, drinks it, pays it, and walks out!

Bwahaha!

Here's one from a british sit-com, works best in vocal:

"A man is shaving his beard on morning. His 5-year old daughter is sitting in the toilet too, on her potty(?).

"Daddy, where does poo come from?" ask's the girl.
Dad frowns, starts explaining things from the start, going to every detail, explaining about acids and all that. After some time, he feels he has explained the thing as well as he can.
"So that's how it is", says he.
The girl contemplates this for a while, puts pieces together, and finally, after a long silence, asks:

"How about Piglet and Tigre, then?""

Remember to be alone in couple of minute's time, when this finally sinks in...

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Originally posted by Darius871
So a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

Damn! I was just about to post that!

[Bereta_Eder]

In the spirit of the thread title

where can you find a black hair in the body of a blonde?


in her mouth

[Bereta_Eder]

a blonde and a brunnette jump off the roof of a 5 store building. the brunnete crashes on the ground the blonde is nowhere to be seen. why?


she lost the way

[Bereta_Eder]

(nationalities can change)

a german a french a greek and an englishman are on a plane. (without parachuts)


the pilot says we have amechanical malfunction and we must loose weight immidieatly or we're going to crash. only one of you can remain aboard


the german shouts long live germany and jumps off the plane.

the french shouts vive la france and jumps off the plane


the greek shouts zito i hellas and pushes the englishman off the plane.

[Bereta_Eder]

a kid walks by the bedroom of his parents and sees his mom on her knees giving a blow job to his dad.

later he asks her what was that?

she replies that's how i get (him to buy me) jewlerly


next day thekid sees his dad falls on his knees looks up and says: i just want a bike

[Bereta_Eder]

an american a french and an italian are on a plane on world tour.

the american gets his hand out the window and then says we're over new york

how do you know?


i touched the liberty statue

later
the french gets his hand out the window.

we're over paris

how do you know?


i touched the top of the eifel tower


later on the italian gets his hand out the window


we are over napoli


how do you know?


i dont have my wristwatch anymore

[dannubis]

what does a snale that sists on top of a turtle ?

WHEEEEE!!!!!