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Third paragraph might sound more polite as follows:
"We also noticed that you are spending a lot of resources on espionage. Can you tell us what you are planning to do with those EPTs? (In case you didn't know, stealing techs is usually more expensive than self-researching, considering the number of research bonus buildings available.) And on that note, what is your ETA for Chemistry? (We are getting next GP in 5 turns, and if he is a scientist, we'll bulb most of Printing Press and have it ready for you a few turns later.)"
The rest of the message looks good.
We might also want to add a PS:
"PS The Imperio war is winding down, so we should be able to join your fight against PAL as soon as we can build a fleet of Galleons, protected by Fregates. However, Fregates require Chemistry, so the faster you can get it the faster we can open a second front for PAL in the north."
"We also noticed that you are spending a lot of resources on espionage. Can you tell us what you are planning to do with those EPTs? (In case you didn't know, stealing techs is usually more expensive than self-researching, considering the number of research bonus buildings available.) And on that note, what is your ETA for Chemistry? (We are getting next GP in 5 turns, and if he is a scientist, we'll bulb most of Printing Press and have it ready for you a few turns later.)"
The rest of the message looks good.
We might also want to add a PS:
"PS The Imperio war is winding down, so we should be able to join your fight against PAL as soon as we can build a fleet of Galleons, protected by Fregates. However, Fregates require Chemistry, so the faster you can get it the faster we can open a second front for PAL in the north."
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