The Mercury Device (The unbotched version)

[eclarkso]

Originally posted by Padma
Grundel,

I just added a vote for you. Great story!

Now to nit-pick just a little. Study up on grammar and word-usage a little more. (Or maybe just don't type too fast. ) You've got the story flowing well, the reader's emotions are engaged, and then... wham! Jarred out of the story by a word or phrase that is just ... wrong. For instance, they were should read

{snip}

Hehe...the bolded part isn't a complete sentence .

[SofaKing]

That's pretty funny. Actually, there are more gramatical errors in Padma's cirtique than just that. If I was a bit saltier, I'd propose a contest to see who can find all of them. However, as a frequent transgressor of the laws of grammar, I shall keep my head dutifully low.

[Chronus]

Great story, Grundel! I really enjoy your style!

By the way, I really do think that Padma meant well. I'm doing a story myself and I know that I too would appreciate kind, constructive criticism.

[DarkCloud]

Grundel... a classic author- should be read more often!

[Paddy]

DC, you are bringing back some great stuff

[DarkCloud]

...things have been too slow lately, so I thought I would do the board a service (And look at the # of views! *sigh* those were the glory days! )