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The Mercury Device (The unbotched version)

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  • #16
    Originally posted by Padma
    Grundel,

    I just added a vote for you. Great story!

    Now to nit-pick just a little. Study up on grammar and word-usage a little more. (Or maybe just don't type too fast. ) You've got the story flowing well, the reader's emotions are engaged, and then... wham! Jarred out of the story by a word or phrase that is just ... wrong. For instance, they were should read

    {snip}
    Hehe...the bolded part isn't a complete sentence .

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    • #17
      That's pretty funny. Actually, there are more gramatical errors in Padma's cirtique than just that. If I was a bit saltier, I'd propose a contest to see who can find all of them. However, as a frequent transgressor of the laws of grammar, I shall keep my head dutifully low.

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      • #18
        Great story, Grundel! I really enjoy your style!

        By the way, I really do think that Padma meant well. I'm doing a story myself and I know that I too would appreciate kind, constructive criticism.

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        • #19
          Grundel... a classic author- should be read more often!
          -->Visit CGN!
          -->"Production! More Production! Production creates Wealth! Production creates more Jobs!"-Wendell Willkie -1944

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          • #20
            DC, you are bringing back some great stuff
            Gurka 17, People of the Valley
            I am of the Horde.

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            • #21
              ...things have been too slow lately, so I thought I would do the board a service (And look at the # of views! *sigh* those were the glory days! )
              -->Visit CGN!
              -->"Production! More Production! Production creates Wealth! Production creates more Jobs!"-Wendell Willkie -1944

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