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The Mercury Device (The unbotched version)

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  • DarkCloud
    replied
    ...things have been too slow lately, so I thought I would do the board a service (And look at the # of views! *sigh* those were the glory days! )

    Leave a comment:


  • Paddy
    replied
    DC, you are bringing back some great stuff

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  • DarkCloud
    replied
    Grundel... a classic author- should be read more often!

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  • Chronus
    replied
    Great story, Grundel! I really enjoy your style!

    By the way, I really do think that Padma meant well. I'm doing a story myself and I know that I too would appreciate kind, constructive criticism.

    Leave a comment:


  • SofaKing
    replied
    That's pretty funny. Actually, there are more gramatical errors in Padma's cirtique than just that. If I was a bit saltier, I'd propose a contest to see who can find all of them. However, as a frequent transgressor of the laws of grammar, I shall keep my head dutifully low.

    Leave a comment:


  • eclarkso
    replied
    Originally posted by Padma
    Grundel,

    I just added a vote for you. Great story!

    Now to nit-pick just a little. Study up on grammar and word-usage a little more. (Or maybe just don't type too fast. ) You've got the story flowing well, the reader's emotions are engaged, and then... wham! Jarred out of the story by a word or phrase that is just ... wrong. For instance, they were should read

    {snip}
    Hehe...the bolded part isn't a complete sentence .

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  • Grundel
    replied
    Thank you. Coming from you, Vel, I take this as a high compliment. BTW, your story ain't too shabby

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  • Velociryx
    replied
    Since others have already posted in your story thread proper, I had to add my two cents! Mark this one down as a must read! Bravo!



    -=Vel=-

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  • Grundel
    replied
    Thanks for sticking up for me, ike, but its ok. I beleive that anyone should be open to constructive criticism...that is one way we can better ourselves. Besides, his 'nit picking' was worded in such a way that I took no offense. Furthermore, I was more flattered by the fact that he did vote for my story

    On a totally different note...

    I, for the life of me, can't get the stupid screen prints to work...which I feel may enhance some of these stories and to validate that these events did occur while playing CIv3. So I wanted to ask a favor to some people:

    would anyone be willing to allow me to email my screen prints to them and THEY could post them in a reply thread?

    Again, thanks for the positive feedback My next story may not be out for a few more days. I finished the game, but I am trying to do detailed story about a small part of it.

    Leave a comment:


  • ike0481
    replied
    Originally posted by Padma
    Grundel,

    Now to nit-pick just a little. Study up on grammar and word-usage a little more. (Or maybe just don't type too fast. ) You've got the story flowing well, the reader's emotions are engaged, and then... wham! Jarred out of the story by a word or phrase that is just ... wrong. For instance, they were should read
    Give the guy a break! The man writes for the enjoyment of writing and for the enjoyment of others who play CivIII. Then here you come critiquing his work. First, before you "nit-pick" try writing one of your own stories and entering it in the forum to see if it gets selected for the weekly contest or even better, have a good chance at winning the darn thing.

    Leave a comment:


  • Panzer
    replied
    Excellent story, keep it up!

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  • ParticleMan
    replied
    Great story. It reads better than some of the novels I've read lately. You have my vote for story of the week.

    Leave a comment:


  • Grundel
    replied
    Originally posted by Padma
    Grundel,

    I just added a vote for you. Great story!

    Now to nit-pick just a little. Study up on grammar and word-usage a little more. (Or maybe just don't type too fast. ) You've got the story flowing well, the reader's emotions are engaged, and then... wham! Jarred out of the story by a word or phrase that is just ... wrong. For instance, they were should read

    Yes, I admitted up front it was a nit-pic, and maybe I'm too much of a grammar nazi . But I've studied philology for many years, and it simply grates to hear/read people using language poorly.

    FWIW, you are certainly no worse than anyone else on these forums. Better than most I've run across, especially in the Stories. So take this for constructive criticism. I wouldnt have voted for you if you weren't the best.
    Thanks for the advice. I usually write when I can't play (on business trips and such). I use the generic word processor that comes with windows (word pad, I beleive). It has a spell checker, but thats about it. I try to read and reread my posts to make sure that they make sense, but my knowledge of grammar is somewhat limited. If it sounds right, I usually let it go.

    Thank you for the vote I hope you enjoy my next story

    Leave a comment:


  • Kassiopeia
    replied
    We have a winner here!


    This is an excellent story, and it unfolds even to the one that has not made himself so acquainted with the game Civilization 3 by actually purchasing it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Padma
    replied
    Grundel,

    I just added a vote for you. Great story!

    Now to nit-pick just a little. Study up on grammar and word-usage a little more. (Or maybe just don't type too fast. ) You've got the story flowing well, the reader's emotions are engaged, and then... wham! Jarred out of the story by a word or phrase that is just ... wrong. For instance, they were
    thrilled at the aspect of travelling the world
    should read
    thrilled at the PROSPECT of travelling the world.
    Yes, I admitted up front it was a nit-pic, and maybe I'm too much of a grammar nazi . But I've studied philology for many years, and it simply grates to hear/read people using language poorly.

    FWIW, you are certainly no worse than anyone else on these forums. Better than most I've run across, especially in the Stories. So take this for constructive criticism. I wouldnt have voted for you if you weren't the best.

    Leave a comment:

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