The Muscles from Brussels and the Spanish Conundrum

[unscratchedfoot]

There Can Be Only Two


This is going to be a picture story from my current game, inspired by Paddy the Scots battle diary. I'm playing as Britain on Diety level in the Napoleanic conquest, heavily modified. This is the beginning of my 121st turn which clearly shows the Spanish who ripped apart the French as if they were nothing more than a wrapper on a take out taco, are almost as powerful as the overwhelming and unstoppable Russian juggernaught.

[unscratchedfoot]

Where else would the world's greatest meatgrinder occur than around Boulogne?

Around these 2 Dutch cities is where the flower of British youth has bled away its vitality in the endless meatgrinder which began with the French, then the Prussians, next up the Russians and now the Spanish are taking their turn in massacring the hapless British lads.

But it has not been for nothing. The Dutch have survived the most heathen disregard for life the world has yet had to endure. All thanks to the battered and bruised British army.

Boulogne is on the edge of perishing. Anytime now those Spanish Line infantry are going to finish reducing the defenders of the tortured little town. Just last turn the bull fighters succeeded in breaking through the protective screen of redcoats and cannon around the perimeter and are going to funnel through scores of cavalry and troops to hammer it into submission. Next to London are some of the survivors who were shipped out to avoid annihilation in the latest Spanish combined infantry and cavalry attacks. Before there is no one left to hear it, I guess we should now say Austa la vista Boulogne

In a last ditch attempt to relieve the town, a few British reserves have been scraped from the barrel and were just dropped off behind the advancing Spanish, hopefully to distract them from the town long enough for another defence to be formed around Boulogne. Most British cities are defended by a lone obsolete musketman unit which have a hard enough time taking on the local rodents invading their tins of biscuits, let alone any sudden amphibious invasion from a powerful enemy.

In Portsmouth, the idolized Man O War 'Victory' is in for repairs after barely surviving another huge naval battle with the Spanish. It went toe-to-toe with the Santisimo Trinidad and limped away barely afloat (1 hp left!). We've had several Trafalgar-sized naval engagements so far with the Spanish and given and taken some henious punishment.

Why is the war going so badly and why are most of the British troops chilling out enjoying the local vice of Amsterdam instead of fighting the Spanish in the south? Because of the Russians. If those troops move out and Russia attacks again like it did before - austa la vista Amsterdam. Actually those defences are vastly reduced from earlier, having sent many regiments down to their violent ends in the Boulogne meatgrinder. A couple of Russian infantry units man their observation posts infront of the British fortifications, waiting for an opening to declare war and bust through suddenly with hordes of well trained, dangerous troops.



This is Britain's 2nd much smaller but just as strategically important meatgrinder. The Spanish are busy trying to turn the Portugese into pork chops and are right on the verge of completing that messy task. Scores of cavalry have smashed the ranks of redcoats who once manned a solid and well ordered defence line of squares infront of this town. One redcoat regiment mowed down so many Spanish attackers that it was named "The Butcher of Oviedo" by British High Command. Unfortunately those brave heros pursued a scattering enemy force too far into the darkness of the mountains and never returned again. The last their comrades heard of them was a storm of musketfire echoing through the mountain passes

With such heavy losses, this Portugese town is on the verge of collapse. Portugese defenders have fallen in heaps during cavalry charges. One more big cavalry rush supported by the Spanish line infantry already in place and the pork chops will be cooked.



Is this picture finally some good news from the battlefront? No.

About 100 or so Russian infantry units here have just finished mopping up about 30-40 Spanish infantry and cavalry regiments in a pitched battle in the open fields with only light losses to themselves. Once these waves have finished clearing the Denmark peninsula of all traces of Spaniards, their columns of troops are likely to march down to the Amsterdam area and possibly open up another war on the beleagured Dutch. There could only be one outcome to this

The reason a significant part of the Royal Navy is stationed near Denmark is in the event of a Russian declaration of war, those ships will prevent Russian amphibious attacks on the poorly defended British homeland. And also to incurr the maximum amount of carnage as possible upon the Russian navy before it can escape.

The Russians are tough. And the indolent Turks are not lifting a finger to help anyone ever since they joined Russia in brutalizing the Austrians and Prussians (Austria and Prussia were in a locked alliance so they did a good job of dying together).

Any good news at all? Not really, except for a small but potent battlegroup led by the legendary "Muscles from Brussels" redcoat regiment (please note: this is not a civ army, just one elite unit cause I have not gotten any leaders yet ). Muscles orginally fought extensively around Brussels and would likely have taken it from the Spanish when a ceasefire was unexpectedly called by the Portugese and the British army units there were forced into the dead zone far to the south by the treaty conditions. The dead zone is a dark and foreboding territory where lay the remains of many French cities razed by the evil Spanish. The Muscles battlegroup, now too far away from Brussels to get there, is now moving south through Spanish countryside turning the land into a moonscape with 2 batteries of 6 pounders (light but accurate well trained artillery, historically preferred by the British over the big 12 pounder cannon which the French used, also called 25mm cannonbore).

To conclude this report, in the early stages of the war, the British Chiefs of Staff chose to protect their allies instead of simply conducting their own invasion of France and/or Spain. This objective has been achieved at a high cost. Originally they had hoped to send an invasion force to land in Gallipoli and teach the Turks a lesson in British military superiority, but those plans are no longer on the commander's desk at this time mainly due to the realization that we are in fact not superior.

This is where British Supreme Commander Unscratchedfoot's after action report ends. Whether either city falls will be seen in his next report. The fate of the empire depends on those cities surviving. If the Portugese and Dutch fall, the British will be left isolated on their island.


This photo was attached to the Commander's report. This cuirass metal breastplate, typically worn by Spanish militia, was taken from the battlefield on the approaches to Boulogne. It provides grim evidence of the kind of damage a 6 pounder cannonball does.

[Paddy]

wow, this is great scratch

bloody fantastic

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Great stuff Scratch

[Kaos XIII]

"...teach the Turks a lesson in British military superiority, but those plans are no longer on the commander's desk at this time mainly due to the realization that we are in fact not superior."

LOL

Thanks for the pics. I like the look of your terrain.

[unscratchedfoot]

*OOC (out of character): It's good to see you folks are enjoying the story. Here's a little info about the mod changes. Barracks and harbors are modded so that new units are 'regular' not veteran. This allows 2 levels of combat experience on the field. Also, elite units get an extra +2 hit points to make them double the strength of a new recruit (a regular with 3 hp +1 vet +2 elite = 6 hp for normal or 7hp for guard troops like Britain and Russia have). Also, each turn is one week of time. Artillery is modded to be far stronger and 3 times as expensive with 5 new types added. The navy is completely modded and too complicated to be worth explaining here, except to say ships are much stronger, 3 times as expensive and 8 new ship types have been added.


Six Pounds of Pork Chops


The Portugese town of Corunna has fallen!! A British 6 pounder churns up the local roads to slow down the Spanish from reinforcing their new prize.

Four British redcoat units have just landed, perfectly too late to help. Spanish cavalry easily overwhelmed the Portugese garrison with no unit losses to themselves and moved about 7 units into the town to hold it. Flags fly at half-mast across Britain, mourning the loss. Now Portugal is left with only 2 cities which are most probably also under heavy attack.

Before the Corunna fell, throngs people in the British isles filled cathedrals to pray that Spain would not burn down the town. Their prayers were answered and the Spanish mercifully let the citizens of Corunna off with only some terrorizing. Typically, when the Spanish elect not to raze a city, they instead unleash maddened bulls to run rampant through the streets chasing down citizens trying to gore them. The ferocious beasts are only further enraged by the feeble attempts of the people to fend them off.

Corunna used to be a Spanish town before the British took it and gave it to the Portugese after spending heaps of money on its infrastructure with hurried construction. The Spanish claim the bull treatment is to punish the inhabitants for not properly resisting the British which is hardly fair to say. Many a redcoat will attest to the horrible way the Spanish civilians would heave the contents of night potties out their 2nd story windows onto the heads and shoulders of British patrols walking through the streets in the morning. It happened so much that redcoats in Corunna jokingly referred to themselves as 'browncoats'. Unfortunately most of those funny lads are now helping to fertilize the poppies decorating the hills and fields around Corunna.



Finally something sortuv good happened. The seige of Boulogne has been broken with a flimsy redcoat defensive perimeter dug-in around it. About 10 Spanish units were destroyed for the loss of 2 redcoat regiments. Upper Command believes this break became achievable owing to the pressure the Russians are putting on the Spanish from the north. Thank you Ivan. On a darker note, the picture shows a small stack of Ivan's frigates keeping an eye on the area most probably in preparation for declaring war on us.

Speaking of Russians...




Overkill supreme: using a huge Siberian bear to squash an overripe avocado to make guacamole. Russian hordes advance on the last Spanish stronghold in Denmark. The shown list of soldiers is only 1 of about a dozen such stacks heading up the peninsula. Upper Command estimates approximately 200 Russian military units are involved in the slow moving attack. There may be even up to 300 units but a lot of the area is out of view of the navy. Some of the stacks are hidden in the fog of war and Russian frigates are blocking the waterways so British ships cannot scout the area properly. Privateers are being constructed to deal with this rude gesture.

At this time, Portugal again decides to spring a sudden peace treaty with Spain, no doubt requested by Spain to end the 2-front war they were having. Thus ends the Second Anglo-Spanish War. This of course forces peace between the British coalition and the Spanish. The British fully intended on retaking Corunna and also had 4 seperate groups performing 'Operation Agent Brown' which is the cratering of Spanish countryside to weaken their production and food supplies. All this came to an end and the units will be expelled from Spanish territory back to the dead zone.

To make matters worse, with the Spanish ceasefire, the politicians in the British parliament have decided to send all the latest recruitments of redcoats, light brigades (cavalry) and artillery to beef up the Amsterdam fortifications to counter the considerable Russian military presence nearby. Supreme Commander Unscratchedfoot referred to these tactics as the pinnacle of stupidity by 'pear-shaped fools wearing wigs who've never had to stand tall infront of columns of well armed enemy troops'.

When queried on what would be the wisest choice of action during the ceasefire, the Commander said all new units should be shipped to the dead zone which used to be France just north of the Spanish homeland and when war is redeclared, launch a devastating invasion from which Spain will never recover. Britain needs those cities! This will be made much easier by the Russian 'distraction' which is forcing the Spanish to send most of their units to the northern front to replace the heavy losses being inflicted on them by the Russians. Only by doing this will Britain ever gain enough power to stand up to Russia. Instead, all the politicians are achieving by reinforcing Amsterdam is a prolonged death. If the Russians want Amersterdam, nothing is going to stop 200+ battle hardened units.

On with the build-up to an unwinnable war... Unwinnable that is, as long as the politicians refuse to listen to the sound advice from the army commanders. Hopefully in the meantime, Russia and Spain will grind each other down a fair bit.

A Swedish Love Affair

It may seem odd that Sweden has survived the Russian bear despite a long war. This again is because of British support, though they have never actually been an official ally. Constant supplies of saltpeter, horses, luxuries, money and technology have kept Sweden alive and able to produce its powerful Swedish rifle regiments and devastating 5 barrelled cannon to defend with. They lost one city to Russia before British aid came pouring in to save them. Over 20,000 gold pieces have been sent so far to Sweden.

Sweden is no longer at war with Russia and are still being supplied with resources from their British friends. Their allegiance will likely come in handy someday.

[ChrisiusMaximus]

It sounds like a fantastic game Scratch thanks for posting and keeping us up to speed

[unscratchedfoot]

The 3rd Anglo-Spanish War: The Tie-Breaker


The disagreement between the army and the politicians over the deployment of recruits is finally settled with a compromise: half of the units will be placed in the Netherlands and the other half will be sent to Gibraltar far to the south to guard the mouth of the Mediterranean Sea. The compromise will mean a half-strength southern army group so Unscratchedfoot supports this plan only after parliament agrees to ship the Muscles From Brussels Battlegroup down to lead the new forces and put some steel into their spines. At the time, the famous regiment was sitting in the dark zone of burnt out France hoping and praying for another war to start.

They got their wish.

Naples, an ally of Britain, was talked into reopening the war against Spain by the cunning Russians. This drags Britain and her allies all back into the tussle with Spain and the Turks jump on the dogpile as well. Spain is taking a real licking from so many enemies, especially from the Russians who are poised to gobble up Spain's holdings in France. The evil Spanish reap what they have been sowing for so long.

The deployments to Gibraltar, however, have not been completed. Two galleons ship down the Muscles From Brussels and land them next to Gibraltar before the war starts but 2 more galleons of new recruits are just passing by Portugal. Thanks to the sizeable naval force stationed at Gibraltar, neither of the galleons is harmed during a fight with a group of Spanish frigates trying to sneak through a troop transport ship.



This picture shows the initial deployment. Frothing at the mouth with battlelust, the Muscles From Brussels Battlegroup made up of 20 units is waiting next to the Spanish city of Seville for permission to attack while a group of 6 new redcoat infantry recruits hold position nervously above Lagos to the west. Muscles has been joined by the Gibraltar's two 6 pounder batteries and one older cannon to beef up its own 4 batteries for a total of 7 batteries to support the elite redcoat squares. The Gibraltar artillerists are astonished at just how badly the Muscles troops want to tear into the Spanish, like wardogs yanking at their chains for a chance to tear some flesh apart.

The plan is to take the cities Seville, Lagos (originally Portugese), and Medrid and then consolidate to repulse counterattacks. Once the campaign is underway, Supreme Commander Unscratchedfoot expects no more support from the politicians who have little interest beyond the half-hearted buildup. The 'pears' back in London seem mesmerized by the gathering Russians in France, perhaps fearing the threat which is physically closer to them and forgetting about sound tactics.

Once authorized, the Muscles From Brussels battlegroup wastes no time at all in savagely attacking the Spanish who are clearly weak after fighting the Russians. Caught by surprise, the Spanish reserves counterattacking are few and inexperienced so are easily cut down by volleys of musketfire and case shot from the cannon. Garrisons holding the cities have not the slightest hope for mercy. Having been denied the spoils of Brussels by an unfair treaty, the Muscles troops take out their frustration in a passionate fever of raw, unbridled violence.

Three Spanish cities fall like dominos to the blitzkreig before British forces stop to rest and refit. The few Spanish militia foolish enough to surrender are forced into the bull-fighting stadiums to meet their own bulls, swordless and easy targets for the beasts bred to gore. After this messy bit of entertainment, the British then saddle up for the march on Madrid itself, the heart of the hated hooligans' empire.


Hurray!! The Duke of Wellington is here!


"Little Dukey, make sure you eat all your brussel sprouts so you can grow up to be a big boy." Sage advice from the Duke's mother to him when he was 4 years old. The legendary leader of the Muscles From Brussels battlegroup took these words to heart in his campaign against Brussels and it made him and his troops strong just like his kind mother had promised.



It surprised no one that while leading the Muscles From Brussels regiment in gunning down Spanish troops on a hill, the Duke of Wellington was promoted to be Britain's first army general, a great leader he had become! Crowds in the homeland had finally gotten some desperately needed good news and celebrated with a frenzy of ecstacy. Naturally the new Army Group is named 'Muscles From Brussels', the same as the founding regiment. A couple of other elite regiments from the same battlegroup join the Duke's unit in forming the new army. And to add to the jubilation, soon after the Duke's promotion, a second leader is made by another regiment during the battle.

During the British onslaught, bad new comes from the Netherlands. The Russians are pouring through France in endless hordes.



This list of Russian troops only shows one of many stacks moving south of Boulogne. It is troublesome to note that this list continues on below the page and that although this is one of the biggest stacks, many other smaller ones move in and out of the fog of war working over the Spaniards. Adding to this bad news was the failure of the privateer operation which resulted in 6 privateers lost and the Russians lost one frigate and captured 3 privateers for a net gain of 2 ships. The last thing we need to do is donate units to the Russians A spy unit was killed on the border outside of the Amsterdam fortifications after killing one Russian jaeger unit and wounding another, dangerously risking a full out military response from the Russian bear. Which foolish captain was it who ordered that bit of nonsense?

Amazingly, this ugly news causes little stir at home, such is the confidence British civilians have in the once again proven Muscles From Brussels Battlegroup. The musket warriors seem to be messiahs of case and shot inflicted trauma, black smoke avengers for whom there is no greater joy than the conduct of unrestricted warfare.

Crowds of happy people in the streets carry big banners with the word 'GRONK!' on them, referring to the slang name given to the Muscles Battlegroup.

To be sure, during the campaign in southern Spain which was so reluctantly authorized by the skitterish politicians, 37 Spanish ground units including infantry, cavalry and artillery were destroyed along with 5 frigates and one troop transport. The British lost only 2 inexperienced redcoat regiments, one new light brigade (cavalry) and one frigate, and made up for the frigate loss by capturing a galleon.

The Muscles From Brussels Battlegroup formed up to advance towards Madrid to grab the rich and abundant capital of Spain. Then comes the hammerblow worst of all: King George III calls off the operation saying all objectives were already completed!! Unscratchedfoot has some words to say about that which the King doesn't feel too comfortable with. George's white, braided wig slips to one side of his beet red head in his anger. He calls Unscratchedfoot a 'war mongering pest' and the Commander retorts by saying George doubtfully even knows the difference between a muskrat and a musket! Such was the terrible language used between the noble holders of the reigns of British power!

George storms out of the conference room and takes the discussion up in a parliament meeting. Army officials also attend and speakers from both sides present their arguments in an intelligent, speaker-controlled environment.

First the politicians explained the halt in moves towards Madrid. First of all, no more support could be afforded to the Muscles From Brussels Battlegroup which is dangerous considering the Spanish can still outproduce the British by 2:1 threatening dangerous counterattack potential against the overextended British position. Secondly, the bulk of the southern army group was sorely needed to prop up the weak defences around Boulogne which would surely be overrun in a moment should the Russians decide to drop the gloves. It is imperitive to make peace with Spain before it is overrun by Russia to maintain a strong enemy of Russia. Although Britain and Spain are anything but friends, they should at least work together to avoid assured destruction at the hands of Ivan. And finally, the 3 Spanish cities already taken should be handed over to the Portugese who could make far better use of them, particularly Lagos which was originally a Portugese city lost to Spain during the 1st Anglo-Spanish War so the people yearn to join their homeland.

Then the army presented its argument. Unscratchedfoot explained that the production power of Madrid was such that it almost equaled that of all 3 cities already taken combined and would be an excellent city either in British or Portugese control. He did not contest the logic of handing the Spanish cities over to Portugese control and agreed with the King on this point (and this point alone). The Commander then restated the casualty figures of the campaign so far and predicted not more than 2 or 3 regiments at most would be lost in taking out the Spanish capital, especially with 2 new armies formed up. Finally, he stated that Russia was not likely to declare war for some time yet considering we have a right of passage agreement with them and their attitude towards us is still gracious which is incredible considering the pirate and spy attacks recently conducted against them. These good relations would allow the Muscles Battlegroup time to get back to the Netherlands before a war with Russia started. Therefore Madrid must be taken! While the initiative is strongly in favor of the British!

A vote is taken and the result is exactly 50% for each side. A perfect tie. The King decides to take a public referendum and here it is.

Hear thee! Hear thee! Dear readers, you must decide the next move of the British: to attack Madrid or make peace with the Spanish and move the bulk of the southern army up to join the northern army in Amsterdam to face the Russians. Please decide!


Here is the latest map of Europe. Somehow Spanish Paris is still holding out against the Russians. Maybe Ivan is just toying with it. It may have even changed hands several times while the Commander's eyes were on the Gibraltar wingding. Brussels has fallen to the Russians and Ivan has total control over the countryside of France. A grim situation it is.

*******************************
OCC: I will try to post an army listing of units each nation has. My spies are already in place in most nations, I just never get around to checking the stats due to the intense nature of the conflict taking all my attention.

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Smash Madrid first thats my vote

[KuriousK724]

why make peace with spain, give portugese their city back, keep the other two spanish cities as for yourself. and move forces up to the north once things are settled?

[unscratchedfoot]

Hey, King George is gonna be pretty upset if his referendum only brings in a single vote, even if it is a good one.

We need more votes! Is this story no good or something? Why no one else vote?

Kurious, the reason for making peace with Spain is to keep them alive and fighting the Russians. Kinduv evil vs evil situation. Are you going to vote?

[Paddy]

Madrid, smash it into Ruins

[KuriousK724]

i vote peace with spain... i knew what he meant... there was a typo in my post that made me look ignorant...

here is what i meant to say...

why "NOT" make peace with spain, give portugese their city back, keep the other two spanish cities for yourself. and move forces up to the north once things are settled?

[unscratchedfoot]

Okay Kurious, thanks for your vote.

I'm thinking now that maybe I will just post pictures without the story for the rest of it.

Here are the long overdue stats:





In an approximated conclusion, including all ground units except artillery (note that musketmen are further up the list and not visible in the photo), the British have a proud 130 or so, Turkey an impressive 500+, and Russia a whopping 600!!!

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Please post more story too