El Squid Company

[History Guy]

Yes, you've heard about it, but now we give free tours, to show you how everything is made...everything, that is, except our secret blend of herbs and spices that produces our SECRET RECIPE!

El Squid Company
~ Since the Dawn of History ~
'The Best of Spanish Cuisine on Your Plate'

Board of Directors ~
Hernan de History Guy Calamari, President
Nuclearius Winterius, Vice-President, Head of El Vino Company

Dedicated to Perfection and to His Magnitude, Togas the Magnificient, His Beneficient Majesty, Lord of the Visigoths, Grand Despot of Iberia, Beloved of His People, Majestic and Wise Ruler of the Horizons, Smiter of the Barbarians, Law-Giver King

WE, the members of El Squid Company, pledge to bring to you, the people of Spain, and the denizens of the world, the glory of Spanish cuisine, which is, in it's simplicity and it's magnificience, the dish of fried calamari. As old as time itself, the dish of calamari was probably invented by the founder of El Squid Company, the former mayor of Madrid (until he...uhhh...'resigned'), Juan de History Guy Calamari, the grandfather of the current present, the unopposed Hernan de History Guy Calamari. This was the first time ever recorded that anyone ate a squid. The company now produces, thanks in part to the magnificent blending of herbs and spices, wine and squid, the finest, cheapest squid the world has ever seen, or will see. It serves as a testament to the fact that the oldest is always the best.

Our Senior Partner, Hernan de History Guy Calamari, acknowledges the secret of his grandfather's success to be 'Granny Calamari's Secret Squid Recipe', which is locked in an underground vault under a mountain, protected by well-trained and paid spear-weilding security guards. The recipe has only been perfected by the helping hand of the new partner, Senor Nuclearius Winterius, the head of El Vino Company, the first wine company known to mankind. It is only fitting then that these two companies have merged to form the greatest commercial empire of history, El Squid Company, the pride of the Spanish markets, endorsed by the government itself, which one day will bespangle the globe with chains and outlets, proclaiming the glories of Spain, and the civilizing influence of their culture, and of course, their cuisine.

(by Gastronome Neecap, secretary and bodyguard to Hernan de History Guy Calamari and Nuclearius Winterius)
--

Backed by the Government of Iberia, Togas the First presiding.
--

[F-PRO]

Your company makes us Spaniards proud, senor Hernan! I feel priviliged to be your major client. In fact, I would like you to be the sponsor of the Stone of Spain. In that way you can contribute even more to society. You will be given, of course, free ads.

[History Guy]

Why, Senor, my amigo, I would be proud to be the backer of the Stone of Spain (with free ads...). Indeed, I may even, in the course of human events, write some articles. We consider ourselves priveleged to be the major supplier for Iberian Delights.

Hernan de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron

[mrmitchell]

Senor Calamari,

You appear to be running a fine business, despite our differences, I say that you make Spain proud.

Spamish Mitchell
the only Squid merchant that capitalizes "Squid"

[History Guy]

Thank you, very much, Senor Mitchell. Our workers give you three cheers. If, at any time, you wish to join the company as a senior partner, you may do so. The offer will always stand. May your squids be many and your teeth remain forever sharp.

Hernan de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron

[Nuclear Winter]

I´ve just envisioned a new idea!
I´ve tested, and it is delightfully tasty!
it´s a new recipe, and as soon as we have agreed on the details, me and senor Hernan shall pronounce to the public...
Squidfans(no squid fanatics, only squidfans! ), prepare to taste the greatest meal of your lifes!

[pikesfan]

It can’t be more tasty than fried calamari! How can you improve on perfection?

[mrmitchell]

I'll be happy to taste it - maybe it can tell me what Spam Brand is apparently missing.

Or it could convince me to merge the Squidcos together...
(this is not a statement of future performances.)

If we did merge, I'd wish to take control of the non-Squid businesses if/when they develop...of course we would have to use the name "Spam Brand" for your discount Squid offerings.

I AM NOT AGREEING TO MERGE THE SPAM BRAND AND EL SQUID! I'm just saying some terms that would make me a little warmer to a join to the senior mgmt.

[Nuclear Winter]

I´m still setting up details, but I can say it´ll be something more of a ´´snack´´. By ´´snack´´ I mean a quick, tasty and smaller meal...
Senor mitchel, about non/squid business, I am the one taking care of msot of them for now. If you would join us, you might take the shrimp business(even tough I have plans for these areas...)
That´s it. If you join, we´ll give you room,If you don´t, it´s life...

[mrmitchell]

What is the future of the El Squid going to be? I am actually very interested in joining El Squid if we work out the right details, but I'd like to know more. Could you release a version of your plans for the future that don't release your corporate secrets?

I'll go ahead and tell you my plans for my Squid company...
the Spam Brand will branch out into everything, just like the tentacles of a Squid, covering the entirity of Spain in its slimy Squidtentacle-like grasp. We will own you.
That's a little bit of some fun there, but the Spam Brand is very interested into branching out into Squid or food-related ventures.

[History Guy]

Senor Nuclearius Winterus, my amigo and most trusted advisor, I am happy to say that I have approved your new dish. It can be both a snack or an appetizer. Perhaps, with the large sized portion, it can be an entire meal. I must secure the deal with Senor Clemente before we unveil our product, however. I have tasted the prototypes, and they are absolutely splendid.

Senor Mitchell, you, and everyone else, shall know soon enough what our secret new dish is. I understand what you are saying, and hope that the new dish will be able to "convert" you, if you will. Perhaps even the Holiday Sampler I have planned will bring you closer to signing a merger.

It appears that Spam Brand seeks to dominate our fair country. With able prosecutors such as Senor Torquemada running around, that may not have been the best choice of words, Senor.

El Squid Company seeks to be Spain's main commercial company, which will not only do business here, but all over the world in a chain fashion (this is one day far in the future, however...I know this only from tossing the bones with the High Priest...). We will become Spain's main foreign company, spreading the glories of Spanish culture and cuisine abroad. This is, I think you'll agree, a very worthy pursuit.

Hernan de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron
El Squid Company

[mrmitchell]

Senor Calamari,

I said I was kidding around a little with my plans to rule Spain. The Spam Brand seeks not to dominate our fair country, just to be its leader in Squid-related products. The Spam Brand salutes Togas as our rightful Despot and would not wish to replace him.

Bring on the new Squid that the El Squid are producing. They might convince me that the El Squid really is worthy of considering a merger.

Senor Mitchell
the only Squid merchant that capitalizes "Squid"

[History Guy]

Alright. Well, if we can get Senor Clemente to give us enough onions rather than have us grow our own, we'll have...FRIED SQUID PIECES!

Yeah, these little, tasty fried guys will be small squids, or larger, sliced up squid pieces, fried in wine and oil, and on a plate with a red sauce for dipping that can either be a meal (if the portion is large enough), a snack, or an appetizer for a bigger meal! Yes, we just know that this one will be a hit!!

Hernan de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron

[Nuclear Winter]

Don´t forget to tell they come along with delicious slices of fried onion, and taste greatly with roman wine!

[mrmitchell]

Senors Calamari and Winterius,

The El Squid Company has always been interested in improving both the quality and quantity of its Squid. It has always treated its businesses and all of its deals with the most strictly professional airs, and has kept its dedication to the quality of its Squid incredibly high.

Meanwhile, the Spam Brand Squid Shop has always been interested in improving both the quality and quantity, but especially the quantity. Being but only a businessman for the first time, Senor Spamish Mitchell has not necessarily been the best businessman, but was able to create competition in the Squid market. The Spam Brand has always been more relaxed in its affairs, and able to joke about its business a time or two. We at the Spam Brand have always made sure we put a bufallo stomach-bagfull of tender loving care into each Squid, but apparently the consumers of Spain cannot taste it.

The El Squid Company has been noteably more succesful than the Spam Brand Squid Shop, and so far I haven't been able to keep up with this remarkably fast transformation of the Squid market, from everyone fishing it for themselves to multi-employee companies netting it in mass quantities and selling it to the local tavern.

The Spam Brand hasn't been that successful, but it has tried, and its efforts have not gone in vain. It showed for a brief and shining moment that the El Squid could not forever dominate the Spanish Squid market. It also is the only Squid company that capitalizes Squid.

Despite the differences of the two companies, the fact is, they both sell Squid, and they both try to make the best Squid that they can. The methods might differ, but the Squid is produced, and (at least for one company ) it is sold. It is evident that both merchants love selling Squid like they love their children, spouses, and general families.

What I'm getting at is that the Spam Brand is going to undergo major changes in the next few days. It might go ahead and offer to merge with the El Squid Company, or it might pull out of the Squid market, or it might just retool its services, because it is obvious they don't necessarily work as well as the El Squid.

This is NOT a signal of defeat--this is a statement saying to be prepared, for the new Spam Brand Squid Shop is coming!

Before I decide what to do with the Spam Brand, I must think a great amount. I will instruct Thug to use deadly force on anyone who tries to enter my bed-tent. I will not, unlike other matters of business, take this one lightly. Possibly ,due to our time period, the fate of Spain might lie in my hands. The Spam Brand is the only company brave enough to try to compete with the El Squid, and thanks to all who have commended me for trying to do so. I never would be prepared for a tenth of it to lay in my hands, so I must think a lot about this.

I might return in a few minutes, or a few days--it depends on how quickly my inspiration hits me.

Spamish Mitchell
President and Owner of the Spam Brand Squid Company

p.s. Be ready for anything that might come. (I pledge, if you are thinking I have gone insane, that I will not send Thug.)