El Squid Company

[mrmitchell]

Senors Calamari and Winterius,

http://apolyton.net/forums/showthrea...threadid=69369 is all I can say. The Spam Brand Squid Shop has become a property of Spamish Enterprises, which will simply be an umbrella for any crazy idea I come up with.

Thought I was going away didn't you?

Let me say, more seriously though, how I came up with this crazy idea. I thought, for hours and hours, into the wee hours of the morning. But I could not come up with a solution. I did what any man of science would do: I prayed to the gods for help and went to sleep. When I woke up, I awoke to a fuzzy Squid floating in the room that told me how to do all that I've done so far.

Spamish Mitchell
President and Owner of Spamish Enterprises

p.s. Thought Spam Brand was going away, didn't you?

[Nuclear Winter]

No, I thought you would stay in business, and I was right. I just think you had more future on cacti than on squid business, but the life is yours...
About the floating squid, I guess you had a specially big pot of wine, because the only one capable of contacting spirits, squid or human alike, is Señor Tacticus, el gran priest!
I think he would not be pleased if someone started to claim that could speak to squid spirits (forth Señor Tacticus IS the oficial representant of the spirits...)

[History Guy]

The High Priest is not pleased at all, I am sure.

Senor Mitchell, I cannot say that I expected to see an end to Spam Brand at all. I never actually thought you'd merge, but I just wanted to make sure that if there was any chance of it, it would be taken. I am glad of your enterprising business, but I cannot see it succeeding. It undermines the government, for one, especially religiously. It seeks to control Spain's commerce, and that is wrong, morally and politically. We are at such an early age in history that it is folly to attempt it. By the time we actually figure out how to mint things and establish full blown marketplaces, Spam Brand will have outlived it's usefulness, and the empire will crumble, and either become a small business again, or become bankrupt (OOC: that is, if this weren't roleplay, and real life.../OOC). I cannot see it controlling much of anything in future. (OOC: Too early for believable monopolies!!/OOC) However, I see only one thing succeeding, and I put it forward to you.

Abandon the squid business, there is no more profit in it. We can match your prices and sell better products for less. However, we can't, nor can anyone else, sell clothing as good as the stuff from La Ropa. You have the potential to make a good commercial empire there, just as I do in seafood. All people need clothes, and you are the one who can supply them. Think of it! Controlling both La Ropa and Spam Brand Squid would be impossible, but the real company to take stock in would be the only one that would make money, La Ropa. Heck, I'll buy Spam Brand Squid, and give you more than it's worth to help you out, if that's needed to convince you. It would work much better than a cheap, fast-food squid business such as Spam Brand Squid. The smart thing is to go into clothing, something no one has hit on. Otherwise, both companies will probably fall, or one will have to go into serious decline to support the other.

Hernan de History Guy Calamari
Squid Baron

[GeneralTacticus]

I must say that I am indeed greatly displeased at this claim of others speaking to the spirits. However, I fear that it was not a result of excessive drinking, but something far more ominous: evil spirits have been whispering in Spamish Mitchell's ear. For it is a well-known fact that they are eternally trying to make us listen to their wishes, but as the official representative of the spirits would, of course, never heed them, they must speak to others, who know not them. Thus, I must demand that Spamish Mitchell submit himself to a trial by ordeal, to prove himself untainted by evil. If he fails, he must be put to death. If he passes, he will be let go.

[History Guy]

If it is your will, O High Priest. You alone are wise in these supernatural mysteries. I suppose we had best get cracking in cleansing Senor Mitchell of these demons!

[GeneralTacticus]

Yes, indeed. Guards! Seize that man! We shall take him to the shrine and determine whether he is truly tainted or merely intoxicated.

[History Guy]

Right. Well, sir, it occurs to me that the most obvious trials are trial by water or trial by fire. What do you suggest?

[GeneralTacticus]

As there a many types of evil spirits and we have no way of divining which he has been possessed by, we will have to subject him to both, one after the other. Start with trial by fire, as he may prove too damp if he gets wet first.

[mrmitchell]

Help! Thug! Help! Pull back these mobs! Thug! THUG!

I cannot survive fire!

THUG!

Okay, then, I have but one last thing to say (if you're doing what I think you are, literally subjecting me to trial by fire!).

That is, that the secret Squid recipe passed down to me by my ancestors cannot have failed. There must be more to the story...Thug, do not leave the shore where we fish the Squid until you find the cause!!!

[GeneralTacticus]

I am beginning to suspect very strongly that Spamish Mitchell, is in fact, possessed, as surely any man who was innocent would leap at the chance to prove it.

Very well, Spamish: I offer you a choice. You can subject yourself to trial, or you can confess your guilt now and be put to death without one. Which would you prefer?

[mrmitchell]

Do you mean subject myself to literal trial by fire?

I am innocent, I tell you! Innocent!

[Nuclear Winter]

He who untaps squidly powers he cannot control ends up paying severe taxes.
Hopefully, after the trial of fire we could save his descendants souls, oh great Priest?
If there is need for money, I offer myself to pay, cause he used to be an honored concorrent.
At least before those evil spirits!

[GeneralTacticus]

Do you mean subject myself to literal trial by fire?

I am innocent, I tell you! Innocent!

Assuming that you pass the test by water, you shall be held to a flame. If you burn, you are innocent; if you do not, you are possessed. If you refuse to submit, then you are obviously guilty and must be put to death.

He who untaps squidly powers he cannot control ends up paying severe taxes.
Hopefully, after the trial of fire we could save his descendants souls, oh great Priest?
If there is need for money, I offer myself to pay, cause he used to be an honored concorrent.
At least before those evil spirits!

His descendants need not fear for their souls. As for taxes; any of his personal property will be confiscated by the priesthood for purification, but family property will remain untouched. There is no need for you to pay anything, unless you have property which was his after his possession.

[mrmitchell]

So you are literally going to set me on fire to see if I am controlled by spirits? And you mean you will try to trial my children too? This cannot happen! I thought we were becoming better than cavemen!!! I am innocent!

I ask you, then, if you are to do this horrible deed: When I am set ablaze, am I controlled by spirits if I survive?

[mrmitchell]

Spamish Enterprises is owned now by Thug!!!

So you're saying I can have the test by water first? What exactly are the mechanics of this trial? And if I pass the trial by water, however it might be passed, then I will be trialed by fire?

Is the trial by water just a pouring of water on me? What happens if I survive both tests? Do you not realize I would not be able to live if I was burned, and not possessed?