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1290 AD Edition
The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print
1290 AD
-----------------------------
BREAKING NEWS
GoW Names Viceroy for Lego Occupation
"Resistance is Futile" says Viceroy Queen Borg
THE HIVE - Yesterday, The Glory of War named Queen Borg of Skulgaria the new Viceroy of Imperial Territories, Cities and Holdings (VITCH) a new cabinet post which will take charge of the occupation, integration and assimilation of former Legoland territory. In the wake of a number of minor terrorist attacks and acts of resistance by what is believed to be a small but growing revolutionary movement, the new VITCH will organize the Empire's efforts in cracking down the "puny rebels". At her side as mayor of the colonial capital The Hive is Imperial Comptroller Sheng-Ji Yang. The Glory of News was able to obtain a short interview with the Queen as she was supervising the integration of nanoprobe vaccines into Lego subjects.
"How does it feel to be the new VITCH in town?"
"Resistance is futile"
"Do you think the resistance stands a chance against a VITCH like you?"
"They will be assimilated"
"I see you're a VITCH with attitude, what will be of the Legoland citizenry?"
"Their culture will adapt to service us"
"What do you have to say about the accusations of being a brutal VITCH?"
"If they attempt to intervene, we will destroy them."
Through the streets of the new occupied cities the citizenry walk in fear of the military government which has been installed. No foreigners or news agencies are permitted and all information gathered for this report has been obtained by special government permission. Many people have taken the risk of fleeing to the Stormian side of the continent before more GoW colonies are established. Rumors speak of Orwellian state control conducted via giant screens projecting the sacred visage of the Emperor, GoW stormtroopers patrolling the streets, on-the-spot arrests and disappearances. In short, not much different than what happens back home.
Official portrait of Queen Borg of Skulgaria
------------------------------
Naval Battle off Jackson
"You Sunk My Battleship" exclaims ZargonX
PORT SACRIFICE - The only major naval engagement of the war in the East came to a conclusion after the loss of 2 Lego battleships and 2 destroyers which performed a suicide sortie which left 4 GoW warships sunk in their wake. It all began at night on 1280AD when Lego's fleet sneaked out of Jackson under the guns of GoW artillery which had pummelled the city the day before. Knowing the odds of surviving against the massive carrier fleets which prowled the ocean were close to nil, the ships attempted to cause as much damage as possible before being sent to the bottom. They succeeded.
GoN has obtained recently declassified logs of the naval battle on both sides.
ZargonX: "B-6"
UnOrthOdOx: "Miss"
UnOrthOdOx: "D-9"
ZargonX: "Hit"
ZargonX: "E-2"
UnOrthOdOx: "Hit"
UnOrthOdOx: "D-8"
ZargonX: "Hit"
ZargonX: "You sunk my battleship!"
Four GoW destroyers were sunk, one of which had been damaged from a previous engagement. All lego ships were sunk from carrier bombings and destroyer torpedo strikes. A further Lego destroyer was sunk the following turn. No carriers were damaged since they were carefully hidden in the "F" column instead of the "E" column as Lego had thought.
------------------------------
GoW and GS Historians Square Off!
Issue over the bloodiest battle in history rages
HURRICANE - From the outside, the ancient library of Hurricane appears calm and serene, the perfect place for academia to flourish in the empire which considers itself the most culturally advanced in the world. But inside rages a debate which has taken the academic world by storm as historians on both sides of the pond argue over which was the bloodiest battle in history: the Battle of Stanwix or the Battle of Abilene.
It all began with a comment by President DeepO stating that the Battle of Abilene, fought entirely by Stormian and Legoland forces, should now be considered the bloodiest in history. Previously it was held that Stanwix, fought mainly between Warmonger and Legoland forces, had produced the highest losses. With the war still fresh in everyone's mind, a complete tally of losses has only recently been estimated and the results are the crux of the dilema. We consulted an independet historian, the aptly named Don History Guy of Roleplay, to explain to our readers the full account of the casualties in these two monumental battles.
"There were a total of 83 formations which were wiped out at Abeline, the bulk of these being Stormian marines, moreso they were all killed within the space of one assault. The Battle of Stanwix, however, was slightly more complex since it involved three distinct operations, namely the initial Legoland assault, the Stormian flank attack and finally, the decicive Warmonger counterattack which led to the capturing of the fort. All in all a total of 110 formations were destroyed in these three operations. Nevertheless, the largest single tally in one operation was 50 formations destroyed in the initial Lego attack. In conclusion there is validity in both claims. The Battle of Abilene was undoubtedly the bloodiest single operation in history, but when taken as a whole, the assault on Fort Stanwix stands as the deadliest battle ever"
But alas, independent historians were not invited for the Special Historian's Congress being held at the Library of Hurricane, aptly named this year "I Count Dead People". And in what is perhaps a taste of the next couple days of sessions, a pie fight erupted this afternoon between some rather nerdy folks during the working lunch.
The Glory of Casinos and Prostitution presents
Betting odds January 1290 AD
Where is the Lego Army hiding?
1) Right behind you - 2/1
2) The Ice Planet of Hoth - 4/1
3) Shangri-La - 5/1
4) Preparing to invade GoW - 6/1
5) Preparing to invade Lux - 7/1
Who will win the Super Bowl?
1) Luxian 49ers - 3/1
2) Dreadnaughtica Raiders - 4/1
3) Voxian Redskins - 6/1
4) Monsoon Bucanneers - 13/2
5) Santa Barbara Dolphins - 7/1
What did Emperor MZ have for breakfast today?
1) Babies - 1/1
2) Vodka - 1/1
3) Guacamole - 1/1
4) Mutual-Protection Pacts - 1/1
5) Humble Pie - 100000000/1
Trivia of the Day - Did you know that the Luxian 49ers are named after their final score in the PTWDG?
EDIT: Gramatical Errata
The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print
1290 AD
-----------------------------
BREAKING NEWS
GoW Names Viceroy for Lego Occupation
"Resistance is Futile" says Viceroy Queen Borg
THE HIVE - Yesterday, The Glory of War named Queen Borg of Skulgaria the new Viceroy of Imperial Territories, Cities and Holdings (VITCH) a new cabinet post which will take charge of the occupation, integration and assimilation of former Legoland territory. In the wake of a number of minor terrorist attacks and acts of resistance by what is believed to be a small but growing revolutionary movement, the new VITCH will organize the Empire's efforts in cracking down the "puny rebels". At her side as mayor of the colonial capital The Hive is Imperial Comptroller Sheng-Ji Yang. The Glory of News was able to obtain a short interview with the Queen as she was supervising the integration of nanoprobe vaccines into Lego subjects.
"How does it feel to be the new VITCH in town?"
"Resistance is futile"
"Do you think the resistance stands a chance against a VITCH like you?"
"They will be assimilated"
"I see you're a VITCH with attitude, what will be of the Legoland citizenry?"
"Their culture will adapt to service us"
"What do you have to say about the accusations of being a brutal VITCH?"
"If they attempt to intervene, we will destroy them."
Through the streets of the new occupied cities the citizenry walk in fear of the military government which has been installed. No foreigners or news agencies are permitted and all information gathered for this report has been obtained by special government permission. Many people have taken the risk of fleeing to the Stormian side of the continent before more GoW colonies are established. Rumors speak of Orwellian state control conducted via giant screens projecting the sacred visage of the Emperor, GoW stormtroopers patrolling the streets, on-the-spot arrests and disappearances. In short, not much different than what happens back home.
Official portrait of Queen Borg of Skulgaria
------------------------------
Naval Battle off Jackson
"You Sunk My Battleship" exclaims ZargonX
PORT SACRIFICE - The only major naval engagement of the war in the East came to a conclusion after the loss of 2 Lego battleships and 2 destroyers which performed a suicide sortie which left 4 GoW warships sunk in their wake. It all began at night on 1280AD when Lego's fleet sneaked out of Jackson under the guns of GoW artillery which had pummelled the city the day before. Knowing the odds of surviving against the massive carrier fleets which prowled the ocean were close to nil, the ships attempted to cause as much damage as possible before being sent to the bottom. They succeeded.
GoN has obtained recently declassified logs of the naval battle on both sides.
ZargonX: "B-6"
UnOrthOdOx: "Miss"
UnOrthOdOx: "D-9"
ZargonX: "Hit"
ZargonX: "E-2"
UnOrthOdOx: "Hit"
UnOrthOdOx: "D-8"
ZargonX: "Hit"
ZargonX: "You sunk my battleship!"
Four GoW destroyers were sunk, one of which had been damaged from a previous engagement. All lego ships were sunk from carrier bombings and destroyer torpedo strikes. A further Lego destroyer was sunk the following turn. No carriers were damaged since they were carefully hidden in the "F" column instead of the "E" column as Lego had thought.
------------------------------
GoW and GS Historians Square Off!
Issue over the bloodiest battle in history rages
HURRICANE - From the outside, the ancient library of Hurricane appears calm and serene, the perfect place for academia to flourish in the empire which considers itself the most culturally advanced in the world. But inside rages a debate which has taken the academic world by storm as historians on both sides of the pond argue over which was the bloodiest battle in history: the Battle of Stanwix or the Battle of Abilene.
It all began with a comment by President DeepO stating that the Battle of Abilene, fought entirely by Stormian and Legoland forces, should now be considered the bloodiest in history. Previously it was held that Stanwix, fought mainly between Warmonger and Legoland forces, had produced the highest losses. With the war still fresh in everyone's mind, a complete tally of losses has only recently been estimated and the results are the crux of the dilema. We consulted an independet historian, the aptly named Don History Guy of Roleplay, to explain to our readers the full account of the casualties in these two monumental battles.
"There were a total of 83 formations which were wiped out at Abeline, the bulk of these being Stormian marines, moreso they were all killed within the space of one assault. The Battle of Stanwix, however, was slightly more complex since it involved three distinct operations, namely the initial Legoland assault, the Stormian flank attack and finally, the decicive Warmonger counterattack which led to the capturing of the fort. All in all a total of 110 formations were destroyed in these three operations. Nevertheless, the largest single tally in one operation was 50 formations destroyed in the initial Lego attack. In conclusion there is validity in both claims. The Battle of Abilene was undoubtedly the bloodiest single operation in history, but when taken as a whole, the assault on Fort Stanwix stands as the deadliest battle ever"
But alas, independent historians were not invited for the Special Historian's Congress being held at the Library of Hurricane, aptly named this year "I Count Dead People". And in what is perhaps a taste of the next couple days of sessions, a pie fight erupted this afternoon between some rather nerdy folks during the working lunch.
The Glory of Casinos and Prostitution presents
Betting odds January 1290 AD
Where is the Lego Army hiding?
1) Right behind you - 2/1
2) The Ice Planet of Hoth - 4/1
3) Shangri-La - 5/1
4) Preparing to invade GoW - 6/1
5) Preparing to invade Lux - 7/1
Who will win the Super Bowl?
1) Luxian 49ers - 3/1
2) Dreadnaughtica Raiders - 4/1
3) Voxian Redskins - 6/1
4) Monsoon Bucanneers - 13/2
5) Santa Barbara Dolphins - 7/1
What did Emperor MZ have for breakfast today?
1) Babies - 1/1
2) Vodka - 1/1
3) Guacamole - 1/1
4) Mutual-Protection Pacts - 1/1
5) Humble Pie - 100000000/1
Trivia of the Day - Did you know that the Luxian 49ers are named after their final score in the PTWDG?
EDIT: Gramatical Errata
priceless! 
)
*grumble*
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