The Apolytonian: First Issue

[Moral Hazard]

The Apolytonian

First Official Poll Closed Yesterday
It was a landside victory as the people overwhelmingly endorsed a limited constitution. The other options for a strict and detailed constitution or for no constitution at all may as well not have even been put on the ballot. The poll is the first political victory by presidential candidate Trip. Legal expert Ira Lexicon (Ed: Made up by this paper) said ' It was a demand by the people that people now drafting the constitution keep it brief as possible". There is some controversy whether this document should be called a constitution at all, but no suitable word substitute has been created.

Voting in Full Swing
Voters have turned out for the first elections of this currently unnamed nation state in record numbers. One poll observer commented that he had never seen anything like it before in the history of this current unnamed nation. One candidate 'the banana' is said to be running in several polls, the legality of which is questionable. It is of note that when this paper went to press he (or she: sex is expected to be male) was losing all of his elections.

Call For Submissions
The Apolytonian would like to extend the invitation to all citizens of Apolyton to write articles or editorials for the paper. “Currently we have one reporter and even though I like him, he's really no more than a damned hack" current editor Moral Hazard stated. Asked who this reporter was he declined to comment, stating " I'm not going to defame my, err his reputation.' It's rumored that the paper will create a scapegoat. Luckily it's also rumored that a better reporter {Sirotnikov}, is currently in negotiations for a position.

Retractions & Apologies
We apologize to our subscribers that the sports, comics, business, gossip, and local sections were not included in today’s paper. We are however looking around for some one to blame for that.

[Fatwreck]

cool... how often will this paper bee out?

[Moral Hazard]

Dear Reader:
We thank you for your letter and for purchasing our paper, you will be billed shortly. As soon as currency is developed that is. The paper will be updated when ever any of the jounalist on our staff writes an article, unfortunately they are rather lazy. So we ask any one from apolyton to submit articles via posting. We hope that just because writing hasn't been developed it will preclude you from sending in your submissions.

Sincerely Yours
Editor Moral Hazard

[atawa]

Good initiative

[Timeline]

Great Job Moral Hazard! I love it!

Keep up the good work

[civman2000]

I'd like to submit an advertisement (via PM so it's a surprise).

[beno]

good effort mh

[Jon Shafer]

Wow. Cool.

Good work, Hazie (I know there's another Hazie, but I don't care ). Keep up the good work, I'm sure you'll do well once the real thing gets rolling!

[jdjdjd]

Very Good idea and excellent work. The Opposition Party will not oppose this, though officially, of course we can not support it either.

Please make sure you watch your grammar, though.

"may as well not of even been "...."of" should be "have".

[Nym]

Very good and cool idea!
Keep on writing!

[johncmcleod]

Is this newspaper open for campaign ads? If so, I'd like to run one. I'm running against one of the biggest civ giants and I need all the help I can get.

[Captain]

The Apolytonian


Presidential Candidate Trip Takes Holiday

As the election polls come to their closing days, presidential candidate Trip seems to have decided against staying to watch. Supporters say that Trip has earned a rest from his hard-fought campaign and that it is now all up to the voters.

While Trip is currently leading the polls, observers say that this may be an inopportune time to take a vacation. Indeed, many speculate whether Trip has become so overconfident in running against a non-existent rival that he feels he can end his campaigning before the closing of the polls.

Trip's last words before leaving were "I'll be gone for the next two days, so everyone behave yourself. And vote random for the game settings! Don't get out of line while your omniscient leader is away!" - leading some pundits to claim that Candidate Trip has a deity complex, and others to claim such pundits lack a sense of humour.

"Omniscient my foot!" said election observer Skip Takkel. "If he was omniscient, he would have been able to tell me whether my Kentucky Fried Banana franchise would be successful or not. But he couldn't! The only thing he could say for sure was 'no comment'". That last response has some conspiracy theorists speculating about Trip's ties to an all-powerful cabal of industrialist developers known as Firaxis. These self-same conspiracy theorists claim that democracy is a sham because Firaxis makes all the rules and that we're all just "playing their game".

Other citizens indicated Trips' absence would be an opportune time to push for revolution. No one is quite sure what is meant by revolution seeing as how no government has been formed as of yet.

As of publication, the candidate known only as the Banana was trailing Trip by only 11 votes. Trip has 36 votes while the Banana has 25. Many citizens have yet to vote and polls remain open for several more days. Immigration officers anticipate even more citizens will join the fledgling nation over the next while and this may skew the final results from current expectations.

Captain is a freelance writer from the mythical land of Ontario who occasionally contributes a column to The Apolytonian.

[Cyclotron]

Wait, have we invented writing yet?

[Captain]

We haven't invented democracy yet either.

[Cyclotron]

Ok, from now on nobody can post until we discover writing. New rule...