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All thru England, stories abound regarding other tribes met and dealt with, whether friend or foe. Stories of religion, friendship, war, strife, even alliance. But nobody has made a concerted effort to tell the English story from the English perspective.
Who ruled England in the days of yore? What alliances kept her safe, who are England’s ancient friends and enemies and why? More importantly, who are England’s new friends and enemies? How did England come to follow the one true faith of the Arabs?
All these questions Myles Long, historian to the Man, yearned to chronicle. It was no accident that Myles was Royal Historian, a coveted position many aspired to hold due to easy access to a good life of food, wine, and women. So Myles used his influence and famous lineage to garner the post for himself. Being a proud descendant of such famous English Worker/Visionaries as James the Sugar Noodle had its privileges. They were the driving force behind the early jungle clearing and road building projects established by the English rulers of yesteryear. This enabled future generations leeway to pursue other government sponsored improvement projects aimed at promoting health and happiness. These legendary figures were so much a part of English lore, that their descendants hold these positions to this day, adopting the famous names upon assumption of duties. Thus, James the Sugar Noodle lives on, at least in name, forever. Other legends of Olde England, such as the great warrior Peter the Schlong Crosser, protected the new land from beasts and marauding hordes. The land was rich with resources and drew unwanted attention. Places such as the Schlong Delta of the Greater and Lesser Wet Schlong rivers held the key to prosperity and the Schlong Crosser kept the region safe as if in a protective sheath.
Authors note: It should be noted here that many of the names of people and areas were given, according to legend, by the mystical figure of MMC, first ruler of England. These names have been ingrained in the English psyche since time immemorial. However, some modern English have started to entertain the notion that the names all have phallic references and are demanding “proper” names befitting a modern society. It is this authors opinion that we must retain our history, what little we know of it, and if the legendary MMC happened to be a little phallically inclined, what’s the problem?
But where to start the history, the past is unclear and not easily deciphered? Some things are known and, even though they don’t address the start of civilization in England, are important to chronicle.
The religion of the Arabs had made its way to England many years ago. And while it was not clear if it was a welcome spread of faith or done on the sly to achieve certain goals by the Arabs, what is clear is that it became the officially recognized religion of England and the people were overwhelmingly pleased by this fact. The Arabs had not tried to impose any policy nor provide any support of note to England at first. As founders of the faith and fathers of the religion of Judaism, they remained distant and isolated from England. However, time passed and that trend had been reversed, with trade and religious dialog being passed back and forth in a constructive manner. England found themselves drifting towards a more religiously oriented society, religious scholars debated and taught and the faith of the people grew. And while still officially secular, England was a Jewish nation.
England had its share of ups and down, its share of aggressive and passive rulers, its share of successes and failures. In its early days as a nation, England had been at war with two countries, or so it has been told. They were the Carthaginians and the Vikings. While it is unclear exactly how this came about, it seems that in the distant past, the Carthaginians provoked the English ruler, Conq I, by founding a city in what was, is, and always will be English land. This fact has been handed down thru the generations and as such is inviolate to any good Englishman. For reasons unknown to England, the Vikings decided to join the Carthaginians in their unlawful and unjust land grab and attacked England. But the power of the English, in their just and righteous fury, repelled the invaders, or so the legend goes. Even after the defeat it was clear that the Carthaginians continued to covet what is England’s, as evidenced by the troop build ups outside of Southampton. What is unclear at the time was whether the Vikings were supporting the Carthaginians still. Up to that point, England has adopted a defensive posture and hoped that sanity would prevail and hostilities would end. An era of peace and prosperity for all three nations was the sincere hope of all English citizens. England hoped for the best, but planned for the worst, in that dark point in history. It was told that uncounted numbers of Axemen were trained and ready to defend the Motherland.
England also had good friends in these ancient times. The Kushrena had been allies for some time and England had fair trade with them. England had also opened its borders to many nations of Terra, being a peaceful and open society. With the wars, that openness was being tested however. Many people believed that vital information could be passed to England’s enemies for their gain by any “friends” traveling thru the land. Many of the people also had distrust of nations following false faith and exerted much pressure to break ties with these idolatrous peoples. The feeling at the time was that England should only trust brothers and sisters of Judaism.
It is 1AD now and Myles thought it was a wonderful time to be alive and to be a historian. Great things were afoot and while the job of chronicling the events up to this point have been hard, the job of continuing the history will be paramount.
Who ruled England in the days of yore? What alliances kept her safe, who are England’s ancient friends and enemies and why? More importantly, who are England’s new friends and enemies? How did England come to follow the one true faith of the Arabs?
All these questions Myles Long, historian to the Man, yearned to chronicle. It was no accident that Myles was Royal Historian, a coveted position many aspired to hold due to easy access to a good life of food, wine, and women. So Myles used his influence and famous lineage to garner the post for himself. Being a proud descendant of such famous English Worker/Visionaries as James the Sugar Noodle had its privileges. They were the driving force behind the early jungle clearing and road building projects established by the English rulers of yesteryear. This enabled future generations leeway to pursue other government sponsored improvement projects aimed at promoting health and happiness. These legendary figures were so much a part of English lore, that their descendants hold these positions to this day, adopting the famous names upon assumption of duties. Thus, James the Sugar Noodle lives on, at least in name, forever. Other legends of Olde England, such as the great warrior Peter the Schlong Crosser, protected the new land from beasts and marauding hordes. The land was rich with resources and drew unwanted attention. Places such as the Schlong Delta of the Greater and Lesser Wet Schlong rivers held the key to prosperity and the Schlong Crosser kept the region safe as if in a protective sheath.
Authors note: It should be noted here that many of the names of people and areas were given, according to legend, by the mystical figure of MMC, first ruler of England. These names have been ingrained in the English psyche since time immemorial. However, some modern English have started to entertain the notion that the names all have phallic references and are demanding “proper” names befitting a modern society. It is this authors opinion that we must retain our history, what little we know of it, and if the legendary MMC happened to be a little phallically inclined, what’s the problem?
But where to start the history, the past is unclear and not easily deciphered? Some things are known and, even though they don’t address the start of civilization in England, are important to chronicle.
The religion of the Arabs had made its way to England many years ago. And while it was not clear if it was a welcome spread of faith or done on the sly to achieve certain goals by the Arabs, what is clear is that it became the officially recognized religion of England and the people were overwhelmingly pleased by this fact. The Arabs had not tried to impose any policy nor provide any support of note to England at first. As founders of the faith and fathers of the religion of Judaism, they remained distant and isolated from England. However, time passed and that trend had been reversed, with trade and religious dialog being passed back and forth in a constructive manner. England found themselves drifting towards a more religiously oriented society, religious scholars debated and taught and the faith of the people grew. And while still officially secular, England was a Jewish nation.
England had its share of ups and down, its share of aggressive and passive rulers, its share of successes and failures. In its early days as a nation, England had been at war with two countries, or so it has been told. They were the Carthaginians and the Vikings. While it is unclear exactly how this came about, it seems that in the distant past, the Carthaginians provoked the English ruler, Conq I, by founding a city in what was, is, and always will be English land. This fact has been handed down thru the generations and as such is inviolate to any good Englishman. For reasons unknown to England, the Vikings decided to join the Carthaginians in their unlawful and unjust land grab and attacked England. But the power of the English, in their just and righteous fury, repelled the invaders, or so the legend goes. Even after the defeat it was clear that the Carthaginians continued to covet what is England’s, as evidenced by the troop build ups outside of Southampton. What is unclear at the time was whether the Vikings were supporting the Carthaginians still. Up to that point, England has adopted a defensive posture and hoped that sanity would prevail and hostilities would end. An era of peace and prosperity for all three nations was the sincere hope of all English citizens. England hoped for the best, but planned for the worst, in that dark point in history. It was told that uncounted numbers of Axemen were trained and ready to defend the Motherland.
England also had good friends in these ancient times. The Kushrena had been allies for some time and England had fair trade with them. England had also opened its borders to many nations of Terra, being a peaceful and open society. With the wars, that openness was being tested however. Many people believed that vital information could be passed to England’s enemies for their gain by any “friends” traveling thru the land. Many of the people also had distrust of nations following false faith and exerted much pressure to break ties with these idolatrous peoples. The feeling at the time was that England should only trust brothers and sisters of Judaism.
It is 1AD now and Myles thought it was a wonderful time to be alive and to be a historian. Great things were afoot and while the job of chronicling the events up to this point have been hard, the job of continuing the history will be paramount.
Sulayman gave orders to build a temple for the Name of the Lord and a royal palace for himself. He took a census of all the aliens who were in Arabia, after the census his father Dawud had taken; and they were found to be 153,600. He assigned 70,000 of them to be carriers and 80,000 to be stonecutters in the hills, with 3,600 foremen over them to keep the people working.
In the Most Holy Place he made a pair of sculptured cherubim and overlaid them with gold. The total wingspan of the cherubim was twenty cubits. One wing of the first cherub was five cubits long and touched the temple wall, while its other wing, also five cubits long, touched the wing of the other cherub. Similarly one wing of the second cherub was five cubits long and touched the other temple wall, and its other wing, also five cubits long, touched the wing of the first cherub. The wings of these cherubim extended twenty cubits. They stood on their feet, facing the main hall. 
Then Sulayman stood before the altar of the Lord in front of the whole assembly of Arabia and spread out his hands. He stood on the platform and then knelt down before the whole assembly of Arabia and spread out his hands toward heaven. He said: 
"When your people go to war against their enemies, wherever you send them, and when they pray to you toward this city you have chosen and the temple I have built for your Name, then hear from heaven their prayer and their plea, and uphold their cause. 
But as a sprawling empire with no proper code of law and lacking a unified currency, corruption ran rampant across China. Thus it was that in 1 AD, a single event shook the Han Dynasty to its foundations, and laid the seeds for its eventual demise. 
, distant relative of the imperial family, who had just sworn a pact of brotherhood with Zhang Fei and Guan Yu. From the lands of the ancient warring state of Chu came Sun Jian
, a proud descandant of that ancient lineage. From Anyang came Cao Cao
, a minister in the imperial court and of a minor line of dukes, but who made up for the lack of prestige with sheer intellect, cunning, and ambition. And in Luoyang itself, Dong Zhuo
became prime minister, and thus the de facto ruler of the Han Dynasty. Together, they crushed the Yellow Turbans, but as Dong Zhuo's avarice and cruelty became ever more apparant, many broke ranks with him, and formed up in opposition to the warlord. The leader of this opposition was Yuen Shao, former deputy to Dong Zhuo.
To the south, Sun Jian joined with Yuan Shao's half-brother, Yuan Shu, as part of the anti-Dong coalition. Marching out from Pun Yue, he advanced on Anyang, where Dong had established a stronghold. As Sun defeated Dong's forces again and again, though, someone told Yuan Shu that if Sun Jian defeated Dong Zhuo and took over the capital, he would not be controllable anymore. The doubtful Yuan Shu then ceased the food supply to Sun Jian. Sun Jian rode the hundred odd li from Yangren to Luyang in the night to see Yuan Shu, whereupon he said to the latter, "I put myself to danger in battle, first to remove the rebel (Dong Zhuo) for the country and second to avenge the deaths of your kinsmen (Yuan Shu's uncle was killed by Dong Zhuo). I have no personal grudge against Dong Zhuo. Yet you could believe slanderous talks and suspect me!" The words put Yuan Shu to shame and he immediately ordered the food supply to be delivered.
Sun Jian then led his forces to Dagu, the fortified pass guarding Luoyang to the south, 90 li away from Luoyang. Dong Zhuo himself came out to fight amongst the Earlier Han tombs, but he was defeated and fled to Mianchi and Shan, west of Luoyang. Sun Jian then continued to march into Luoyang, where he met and routed the forces of Lü Bu. Settling in, Sun Jian ordered his men to reseal the tombs of former emperors that were excavated by Dong Zhuo. There, in a well south of Luoyang, Sun Jian found the lost Imperial Seal, symbol of the Mandate of Heaven - and kept it for himself.
Since attacks from the south had ceased, Dong Zhuo returned to his tyrannical rule in the court of Luoyang, which he rebuilt at lavish cost. He had installed all members of his clan and relatives by marriage in high-ranking offices, even his infant sons were enfeoffed as marquises and played with gold seals and purple tassels. Dong Zhuo had also grown more intolerant to desent; his officers would be killed on the spot at the utterance of the slightest offense. Eventually, court officials Wang Yun, Huang Wan, Shisun Rui, and Yang Zan, feeling insecure, plotted to assassinate Dong Zhuo. They managed to persuade Lü Bu, Dong Zhuo's foster son and bodyguard, to join their cause, because Dong Zhuo once threw a hand-axe at him, but more importantly, because he had an affair with one of Dong's chambermaids. That chambermaid was Wang Yun's foster daughter, Diao Chan, and later hailed as one of the Four Beauties of China.
In 22 May 236 AD, Dong Zhuo was on the way to an assembly in his lavish chariot when Li Su stepped up and stabbed Dong Zhuo. Dong Zhuo cried out for his son, but saying "This is an imperial order," Lü Bu delivered the fatal blow. Dong Zhuo's relatives were subsequently executed while Dong Zhuo's body was left hanging in the streets. The official guarding the corpse lit a wick in Dong Zhuo's navel and it burned for days on the fats of the corpse.
The Battle of Jieqiao or Battle of Jie Bridge was a military engagement fought between Yuan Shao and Gongsun Zan in 235 AD, at the beginning of the civil wars in China leading up to the fall of the Han Dynasty. It was the first significant clash of arms between the rival warlords in the contest for dominion of the northern provinces. Neither warlord came out of it with the upper hand, but after the subsequent protracted struggle, Yuan Shao managed to gain it.
Gongsun Zan sent his son Gongsun Xu to request help from the bandits of Heishan in the Taihang Mountains. The idea was to attack Jizhou and cut off Yuan's line of retreat forcing him to abandon the siege. The first stages of the plan went well with Zhang Yan agreeing to help Zan but after that the plan changed to saving Ji. With 10,000 men on the way Zan sent a message to his son telling him to lay an ambush of 5,000 elite cavalry on low ground north of the city. They were then to signal Zan to charge out of the city with his troops, planning to surround Yuan Shao's troops.
Soon Yuan Shao's main army arrived, boosting his numbers to 110,000, including 10,000 cavalry. His general Yan Liang attacked Cao Cao's fort of Baima. Under the advice of Xun Yu, Cao Cao led a battalion northwards. But this maneuver proved to be only a feint, and as soon as Yuan Shao drew troops from Baima to counter Cao's attack, Cao Cao retreated and struck east to relieve Baima. In the ensuing battle, General Yan Liang was killed and the Yuan troops disastrously routed. After this Cao Cao prepared to abandon the fort and evacuated the residents south. Taking advantage of the situation, Wen Chou and Liu Bei, leading 6,000 light cavalry, were sent from the Yuan camp in pursuit. But again, Cao Cao anticipated his opponents' move and had prepared a snare. Horses, equipment and other valuables were discarded and as the enemy troops broke ranks to loot, they were smashed by six hundred elite cavalry. In the chaotic slaughter, the commander Wen Chou was killed. Thus, in the opening moves, Yuan Shao had lost two of his great leaders and his army's morale had plummeted.
In the aftermath, he reorganised his forces and Liu Bei was sent out to attack Runan, and expose Cao Cao's flank. Ever the strategist, Cao Cao recognised this and wary of fighting under disadvantageous circumstances, commanded a general withdraw to Guandu. At the same time, Cao Ren and Yu Jin were sent to harass the enemy rear. Orders were given for administrators to govern leniently to offset any chance of civilian disruptions in the rear. In the eighth month the Yuan army pushed to Yangwu, directly north of Guandu, and began construction on earthen fortifications. The Cao army also began reinforcing their own defences. Both sides harassed each other with rudimentary seign equipment without effective result. To break the stalemate, it was suggested to Yuan Shao that he use his superior numbers to his advantage and outflank the enemy to attack Xuchang. Yuan, however refused, preferring to wait for the food supply in the Cao army to run out.
Indeed the grain was falling short in Cao Cao's granaries and he considered a withdrawal. Such a situation called for immediate action. Shock troops were dispatched to burn Yuan Shao's grain carts, forcing him to send out for relief food supplies. In the tenth month, Chunyu Qiong's ten thousand-strong force returned with large reserves of grain and lodged around twenty kilometres from the main Yuan camp, in a place called Crow's Nest. The wisdom of such a position was questioned by adjutant Ju Shou
, who argued that there were too few troops to guard such an important resource as grain. A defection soon after from Yuan Shao's ranks alerted Cao Cao to this weakness and he seized the opportunity. Leaving the main camp in the hands of Cao Hong, a force of 5,000 elite infantry was led by Cao Cao himself into enemy controlled territory.
urged him to do. Instead he chose to send a smaller force of light cavalry, whilst attacking Guandu with the bulk of his army. By dawn, Wuchao had fallen to the furious attack and Cao's victorious soldiers then proceeded to defeat the small relief force. At Guandu, Yuan Shao failed to break through and army morale dropped sharply in knowledge of the capture of food supplies. Zhang He and Gao Lan
surrendered and their battalions burned their weapons. Cao Cao seized the day once more and attacked when the enemy was at its weakest. 70,000 of Yuan's force was destroyed and he lost countless provisions, escaping over the Yellow River with little more than 800 horseman.
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