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O.K., so I was watching T.V. last night, and my 2 year-old decided to stage a sneak attack. I should mention that I was heavily fortified by two large pillows on my sides, and I was in a prone position, which clearly reduced my attackable profile. All told, I think I had the following bonuses:
+25% Couch Defense
+10% Low Defense Profile
+75% Do Not Disturb While Watching T.V.
Also, my sheer size has to factor for something, not to mention my unchallenged rule of the house, particularly of the couch:
+120 % Daddy Fear Factor
And that's before we even look at power ratings. I'm easily in the 60 range (I used to play sports 15 years ago). My daughter, on a good day hyped up on Cocoa Puffs while running with a sharp pencil, maybe has a power rating of 6. She does, though, get an added annoyance rating of 5 when crying, so that's something. And I'll give her the fact that she only recently was produced at the barracks with a few promotions (stealth and almost complete lack of sense of danger).
ANYWAY, there I am watching T.V. when the little bugger jumps on me from behind. Her tiny little elbow catches me square on the nose, and I swear to God I was blinded for 30 seconds. The world as I knew it closed in around my ears, and I found myself praying that I wouldn't start bleediing. Could you imagine the humiliation?
When my head cleared and I could see again, I saw my daughter looking at me confused. She then started to laugh, pointed at me and said: "Daddy, you crying?"
No honey. Not crying. Just planning my post on Apolyton.
FIX THESE COMBAT RESULTS NOW!
+25% Couch Defense
+10% Low Defense Profile
+75% Do Not Disturb While Watching T.V.
Also, my sheer size has to factor for something, not to mention my unchallenged rule of the house, particularly of the couch:
+120 % Daddy Fear Factor
And that's before we even look at power ratings. I'm easily in the 60 range (I used to play sports 15 years ago). My daughter, on a good day hyped up on Cocoa Puffs while running with a sharp pencil, maybe has a power rating of 6. She does, though, get an added annoyance rating of 5 when crying, so that's something. And I'll give her the fact that she only recently was produced at the barracks with a few promotions (stealth and almost complete lack of sense of danger).
ANYWAY, there I am watching T.V. when the little bugger jumps on me from behind. Her tiny little elbow catches me square on the nose, and I swear to God I was blinded for 30 seconds. The world as I knew it closed in around my ears, and I found myself praying that I wouldn't start bleediing. Could you imagine the humiliation?
When my head cleared and I could see again, I saw my daughter looking at me confused. She then started to laugh, pointed at me and said: "Daddy, you crying?"
No honey. Not crying. Just planning my post on Apolyton.
FIX THESE COMBAT RESULTS NOW!
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