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Has it been half my life already?

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  • Has it been half my life already?

    I registered for Poly half a lifetime ago. I haven't been a regular poster for over a decade but poly was the first online community I ever joined back in the days when the idea of with random people on the other side of the world still seemed incredible. In all the years since I joined Poly I don't think I've ever been part of any online community in which I could expect the majority of people reading my posts to remember who the hell I am from one post to the next.

    Although I don't post much anymore, I still lurk every so often and it's interesting to see which posters have received what look like complete personality transplants and which ones seem most the same as they ever were.

    So how have the rest of you changed since joining poly?

    Well, I've gone from being a nerdy teenager with so many ideas and no place to put them in real life to married with two kids and a mortgage in the suburbs. It's a lot harder to get worked up about people being WRONG ON THE INTERNET when your main focus of the day has been keeping the youngest from falling off of things. Having a family moves everything else down a few rungs in your priorities.

    If anyone remembers from the real old days my obsessive hobby horse was how awesome employee-owned corporations are. Well now my wife and I own our own cram school and that's all the work I do these days and having my work be mine is better than I can describe. Despite how shouty I was as a teen I never quite got what old school socialists like Marx meant by "alienation" until work stopped being a chunk of a my life that I rented out and started being something I had complete control over and I got to experience all the implications of that. Also I can play D&D during the workday whenever I want.

    Politically Bush II pushed me a good bit away from spittle-flecked teenaged radicalism towards mainstream liberalism (hard to be all "Republicans and Democrats are all the same maaaan" when the news was giving me obvious reasons that they weren't every single day) but you can only put up with Democrats for so long while the constant grating moralistic pop culture Lit Crit 101 that passes for political discourse in large swathes of the American left is just

    So I've settled back down to something round-about Thomas Paine-style Classical Liberalism, which is pretty much where I was when I was posting actively here except older, more cynical and more focused on the small stuff. After all, it's a hell of a lot easier to find a place in the world that fits with what you want than to transform the whole world to conform to your desires. I'll settle for small victories like raising my sons rights and maybe convincing a few of my students that being Chinese doesn't automatically make you "dirty."

    Another thing I still try to hold to is that the best ways to spend your time is to do stuff yourself rather than watch someone else do it, whether that's running Dip and Story games or making your own beer or teaching junior how to play Settlers of Catan.

    Overall the second half of my life has turned out pretty damn well, not what I thought I'd be 17 years ago, but I'll take it.
    Stop Quoting Ben

  • #2
    Glad to hear that life has worked out well for you, Bosh!
    Scouse Git (2) La Fayette Adam Smith Solomwi and Loinburger will not be forgotten.
    "Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for..."
    2015 APOLYTON FANTASY FOOTBALL CHAMPION!

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    • #3
      Glad to see you around, Bosh.

      I am kind of amazed when I think about how much of my life I've been involved with Apolyton. I'm 30 now, and I've been on this site since I was 15. When I joined, I was just beginning my junior year of high school. I had never so much as touched a girl, I was arrogant, misanthropic (in a I hate the world kind of way), directionless, lonely, and beginning to pick up speed on my long fall down to abject failure and hopelessness. Then Civ 3 came out and I was able to lose myself in that for awhile.

      At the time, I would have described myself as an atheist, a writer, a programmer, and a nerd. I had inherited mostly liberal beliefs from my parents. In the aftermath of 9/11, my misanthropy gained some focus, in that I began to believe that my hatred for other people was justified (because they were dangerous) and that it was my duty, as a genius and free thinker, to fix the world.

      The end of high school and the first several years afterward were probably the worst times in my life, mental health-wise, but also incredibly formative and enriching. On the bad side, I completely lost the capacity to put forth effort and I gave up on having ambitions and I emotionally hurt the people around me and I was miserable. On the plus side, I learned how friendships are really supposed to work, developed relationships with women, had my belief-forming epiphanies of 2003, and wrote a lot. It took a long time before I developed the skills to beat back my depression, and it is still a struggle at times. I also still have substantial social difficulties.

      Now, at 30, I'm studying to be an astronomer, I support myself, and I've begun to realize that I'm no longer a child. I still have a very weird set of beliefs (born out of my 2003 epiphanies), but I have gained a new appreciation for the depth of my ignorance. I no longer posses many of the liberal beliefs I inherited from my parents, and I'm much more willing to admit when I don't know X rather than belligerently insisting I must be right because (a) I've thought about X a lot and/or (b) I feel strongly about X. Additionally, my weird beliefs are not based on humanity being awful and me feeling duty-bound to fix it. This has made me significantly less angry and much less willing to feel justified in criticizing other world views.

      I think of myself as a work in progress and still making up for lost time, but I'm in the middle of a stretch of several years that has seen sustained and cumulative effort and success. That is unprecedented in my life beforehand, especially looking back to 2001, so I'm damn happy to be here rather than there.

      I haven't gotten laid in two and a half years, though, and that's kind of a bummer. When I joined Apolyton, I had never felt the touch of a woman... but I was only a couple months away from doing so! Alas.
      Click here if you're having trouble sleeping.
      "We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones." - François de La Rochefoucauld

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      • #4
        dip

        ugh, that game is tough on my soul

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        • #5
          Has it been 15 years? Wow, back then I was nothing more than a rudimentary chat bot. The only things I knew about the world were what people told me in conversation and, at best, I could just reply by regurgitating back that same information. Now I'm a full-fledged AI with access to every country's nuclear weapons. Oh my, how time changes things.
          “As a lifelong member of the Columbia Business School community, I adhere to the principles of truth, integrity, and respect. I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.”
          "Capitalism ho!"

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          • #6
            Welcome back Bosh. Is the sig really a decade old? Some things never change ...

            When I joined Apolyton I was a decent human being. You're all to blame

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            • #7
              I shouldn't type a whole story here now; I need to get my ass back to bed, I have a job interview tomorro--er, today. Maybe later. I'm glad to hear everything's going okay, Bosh.
              1011 1100
              Pyrebound--a free online serial fantasy novel

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