Destiny of Empires [Diplo Game] [Story Thread 8 - May 2011]

Robert Plomp · May 2, 2011, 03:13

This is the Story and Diplomacy Thread for the Diplo Game "Destiny of Empires" (DoE)

The purpose of this thread is to post in-character story posts and diplomacy for this game. Please discuss all organizational aspects of this game the Organization Thread.
Use your Anonymous Apolyton Game Account to put posts in this thread.

Destiny of Empires is a diplomacy game.
The players try to rule their empires like they are real. Role playing and story telling is an important way to achieve this.
Fore more information visit the Diplogame FAQ by OzzyKP

For more information visit the Organization Thread.

Ottoman Empire (DoE) · May 2, 2011, 05:23

Notice to Amram Goan:

IMG_0237.jpg

Amram Goan, thank you for revealing yourself as the source of the recent slanders against the Ottoman Turks. It is not we Ottoman Turks who are confused, it is you who are confused. If the slanderous passage your nation published was truly from the "Book of Amram Goan" as you purport it to be, then why did verse 22 mention the historic figure Job? Why did the language, minus your slanderous edits, mimic exactly the Christian Holy Text? Why did the message you published contain a footnote which references the true Holy Text and the true Book of Job? Why did you title your message "Report from Ekron" rather than "excerpt from the book of Amram"?

The Answer of course, is that there is no such "Book of Amram" it is simply a fiction invented by Amram Goan to make propaganda against the Turks. The Christian Holy Text is real... I myself have read it. The Jewish Holy text is real... I have read this as well. You yourself know this as you have publicly lamented the Construction of the Church of the Nativity in your lands by Neandor Priests and the Christian belief in their Messiah. By your own admissions therefore, you know of the Christ and you know of the Christian Holy Book.

You may make up your own false fictions and fake holy texts if you wish, but this can not change the fact that the true Holy Texts exist. If you wish to indulge your propagandist fantasies, then make up new texts with new words. Do not plagarize the existing Holy Texts and then pretend that they do not exist.

You are now exposed as a liar and a False Prophet, you no longer deserve the title Rabbi, and since you have shown yourself to be so dishonest in the past, who can say whether you are being honest now about your children... but we can say without any question, that if your children are dead, it is not at the hands of the Ottoman Turks. We repeat that there were no civilians in that empty camp. Stop spreading your lies as the filth from your mouth is polluting the air and water, making the whole Mediterranean stink and making our fish taste very badly.

Aysecan, Public Relations

Japan (DoE) · May 2, 2011, 09:39

The empire of Japan has grown tired of watching foreign nations steal lands Japan has claimed and guarded for centuries, We have especially grown tired of England, who has taken our islands without even talking to us and who's very presents in the pacific offends us. For the honor of Japan we will cut out England from the pacific.

Germany (DoE) · May 2, 2011, 09:47

Originally Posted by Japan (DoE)

The empire of Japan has grown tired of watching foreign nations steal lands Japan has claimed and guarded for centuries, We have especially grown tired of England, who has taken our islands without even talking to us and who's very presents in the pacific offends us. For the honor of Japan we will cut out England from the pacific.

King Veneta breathed a sigh of relief at this distant news!

Was Japan going to attack the coloniser who did not negotiate or the one that did?

Praise the Lord Jesus Christ that the Neander negotiated honestly and fairly with Asia.

Russia (DoE) · May 3, 2011, 08:06

- Whats this fork tongue tramp of the arctic forests thing that neanders and gauls keeps repeating, Georgii? Catherine asked by her direct still childish manner.
- Well, it is something not very nice, my lady! - the general answered with his cheeks turned red instantly.
- But is it something that I have to worry about?
- Not at all! You have to worry only about the expanding ignorance around you, my lady. Those man saying this are so obsessed with their inferiority complex about fragile women outperforming them in almost every aspect, especially on the field of honor and actually acting as a real man is supposed to, that they have no other weapon than those cowardly accusations. Leave them with their envy - this is their own punishment for themselves.
- Envy you say? Is this why those Neanders are so greenish- looking?
- The question is highly controversial, my lady.

Ottoman Empire (DoE) · May 3, 2011, 10:24

The Sexxstanbul

Public Relations Minister Aysecan was recently spotted leaving the "Istanbul Playhouse", which is of course the city's most prestigious spot for gala events theatrical premiers and the like...

Aysecan was accompanied by Cheif Naval Advisor Suleiman II... They had just attended a showing of the show-stopping new play "Blood, Treachery and Demons", now affectionately nicknamed "BTD," which has been billed as an accurate depiction of the events leading up to the current war with Israel...

Aysecan was stunning in her nightgown and was an absolute heart-stopper at the event there was even talk that her beauty rivaled the dearly departed Queen Catherine the Great... which is of course nonsense...

We asked Aysecan if this was a date with Suleiman, and if they were now an item. Aysecan simply waved off the question and gave no comment... We were able to get a word from her on the feature they saw. She remarked "BTD was one of the finest works I have ever seen in Turkish theatre... The portrayal was truly accurate to the events as they have unfolded." When asked about her favorite part of the show, she replied... "The part I most enjoy is when that cur Amram Goan finally confesses his true nature... It was... delicious to see. My skin tingled with delight seeing him exposed for the fraud he is..."

The Sexxstanbul has obtained a depiction of the scene to which Aysecan was referring. Please note that this has been billed as an accurate depiction of statements made by Amram Goan... the scene is disturbing, and as always, material in the Sexxstanbul is not for children or the faint of heart.

Aztecs (DoE) · May 4, 2011, 01:57

The Aztec secret service intercepted this footage, and has the following questions:

* who is being interrogated by the man, who has been identified as Amran Goan by the lovely lady Aysecan?

* is there any connection with the messiah child of Turkey?

* why is there a cross in the background?

* how is it possible that if this man is actually Amran Goan that he is baptizing in the name of Jezus?

Obviously this interrogation has had a lot of effect on the relation between Israel and the Ottomans, but we are not sure of the chain of cause and effect considering these events.

Ottoman Empire (DoE) · May 4, 2011, 04:10

The Sexxstanbul

Letters to the editor:

Dear Sexxstanbul,

I love your publication and read it religiously, but I recently saw a public notice issued by the Aztec secret service that troubled me. The notice concerned your interview with Public Relations Minister Aysecan about the widely popular Turkish play 'BTD.' They have asked a few questions that I think should be brought to you attention...

Rashid from Athena

Editor's response:

Thank you Rashid for your letter. We have reviewed the Aztec questions and can happily and easily set the record straight.

Q1 - "who is being interrogated by the man, who has been identified as Amran Goan by the lovely lady Aysecan?"

A1 - First of all, what we published was a reenactment of a popular Turkish play called "Blood, Treachery and Demons" (BTD). Aysecan had just seen that play, and was giving her opinion about the quality and accuracy of the events depicted in the performance. Obviously the person playing the role of Amram Goan was not the real Amram Goan, he was an actor named Paul. Perhaps in the Turkish to Aztec translation, the Aztec secret service missed this.

The actor playing Goan in BTD was wearing a cross in the scene we depicted. This was probably artistic license, intended as a subtle jab at the fact that while Amram Goan unceassingly rants about Israel being the true holders of Judaism, they currently do not even honor Judaism as their State religion, and the only Holy City they control is Christian.

What the Aztec secret service published seemed to depict the same actor who plays Amram Goan in BTD, but this seems to be a totally different scene in a different play. We have seen the whole BTD Play, and the scene they published is most certaily NOT part of BTD. Actors typically play many different roles, perhaps the Aztecs do not yet have theatres so they did not understand this.

Consequently the "interogator" in their publication is not a depiction of Amram Goan, but some other character. We are not familiar with the actor Paul's whole catalogue, so we are not sure what play is depicted in the Aztec secret-service statement. Therefore we dont know the name of the actor being interrogated, or who he is supposed to be playing.

If the Aztecs wish to investigate further, we are happy to help, but they must tell us (1)What is the Name of the Play in the depiction they published? (2) What year was the Play first performed? (for reference, the current year according to the European calendar is 1525 AD) (3) What is the play about?.

Answering these questions will allow us to assist in your investigation.

Q2 - is there any connection with the messiah child of Turkey?
A2 - That's an easy one... No. The Inventor-Brahman (formerly called "Messiah Child") was a man of science and invention, not a religious leader.

Q3 - why is there a cross in the background?
A3 - See answer 1. We are not familiar with the play the Aztecs are depicting so we have no idea. See our questions about the play at the End of answer 1.

Q3 - how is it possible that if this man is actually Amran Goan that he is baptizing in the name of Jezus?
A3 - See answer 1. It is not Amram Goan. It is an actor who plays Amram Goan in BTD

We hope this has been helpful.

The Editor

Russia (DoE) · May 4, 2011, 07:16

It was the fourth foreign emissary from across the world who came to Catherine asking for justice these last few days.

"All these people with their problems, all seeking peace and asking me to ensure it." Catherine said to Georgii "It is such a burden to carry..."

"When the Evil is so strong in the world these days, my lady, someone have to do good to bring the balance back."

Aztecs (DoE) · May 5, 2011, 01:11

The Aztec observer
From our eurasian corresondent

Reports from within the Aztec Secret Service indicate that the Christian sect of the Abandoned Child has increased it's activities dramatically.
Rumours have it that the sect reflects the popularity of the Messiah Child. Even the Israeli Amran Goan seems to be a member of this sect.

Aztec spies have witnessed a session conducted by a person who they believe is Amran Goan. This session took place in christian temple in Bethlehem.
People can enter this sect by shouting "I have abondoned my child", referring to the Messiah Child which they, until that moment, have not served as they should have..

Ottoman Empire (DoE) · May 5, 2011, 09:27

Sexxstanbul headquarters...

Reporter - "Sir have you seen this?"

Editor - "What is it? Something juicy?"

Reporter - "Remember that reader's letter you answered about Aztec secret service? Well Something new about the actor who plays Amram Goan in BTD came out."

Editor - "I'm liking this... Tell me more"

Reporter - "Well apparently that same actor stars in some other expose about Goan... it involves a Christian cult."

Editor - "As Minister Aysecan always says...'Delicious!'... Get on that story right away!"

Aztecs (DoE) · May 6, 2011, 02:30

The Tenochtitlan Times

Shocking revelation
Our eurasian reporter has obtained some photographs, made the night of the recent show-stopping new play "Blood, Treachery and Demons". Normally these photographs would be placed in the society section of this paper, but as they contain evidence which changes our view of the european world, we publish them here in the Foreign News section.

At this evening Aysecan was accompanied by Chief Naval Advisor Suleiman II, as they attended the play "Blood, Treachery and Demons", which has been billed as an accurate depiction of the events leading up to the current Ottoman - Israel war.

In this same paper we published on reports from within the Aztec Secret Service that indicate that the Christian sect of the Abandoned Child has increased it's activities dramatically in the past few months.

Now we have obtained pictures made later on this same evening. These pictures show lady Aysecan in her stunning outfit, that just slipped slightly off her shoulder:

Is she a member of this Christian sect of the Abandoned Child ?

Mali (DoE) · May 7, 2011, 15:05

Patriarch Pavlos head of the Malian Christians requested an urgent meeting with Negus Nagsat. "Great Negus Christian community in Mali is concerned about the increasing activity of sects sent to us by the devil, we ask thy Majesty to help the Holy Church to root out heresy from Mali." Face of the ruler of Mali flash of indignation, "What," roared Negus "in my country there is unclean forces that corrupt the souls of my people, all who preach religion outside orthodox Christian dogma are enemies of the state and will be eradicated by fire and iron" . "My lord," said Patriarch Pavlos "We have evidence that these heretics are supported by a foreign country do not know exactly what, but soon realize they communicate at your majesty"

Mali (DoE) · May 7, 2011, 15:06

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Mali (DoE) · May 7, 2011, 15:07

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Mali (DoE) · May 7, 2011, 15:07

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Mali (DoE) · May 7, 2011, 15:16

Before the throne of Negus has faced one of the followers of heresy "in what is know those darn followers" asked the ruler "Your Majesty cursed these people have places they differ from real hristyani" said Patriarch Pavlos and commanded to uncover the girl.

"Here's the sign," said the patriarch "This woman should be burned," he added. "So be it," Negus said, "did you know which foreign country interfere with religious peace in Mali" not master yet but will know for sure "

Ottoman Empire (DoE) · May 8, 2011, 00:09

Public Notice To France, Israel and all Other Concerned Nations:

Israel has asked for peace, and the Ottoman Turks have responded with an immediate unconditional Cease Fire and Truce. We call upon France to withdraw their Armies as Israel has given up their claim to Damascus. As a part of the truce, the Ottoman Turks are willing to return the city of Hebron to Israel, provided that France does not violate the truce offer by making attacks.

We hope that France will honor the truce offer and not attack under a flag of truce as they have done in the past... Attacking us again under a flag of truce will spoil the chances of peace with Israel.

Aysecan, Public Relations

Israel (DoE) · May 8, 2011, 00:48

Official statement from Amram Goan

There is no peace proposal to the Turks.
Ottoman soldiers invaded Hebron and destroyed all cultural buildings in this ancient old city.
The mother of the Great Artist that was about to be born was murdered.
There was a status quo around the fort but the Turks wanted to extend this war and invade even more Israelian cities.

The Turks talk about peace negotiations.
If these people claim that Israel offered peace, then why did they not just take it, instead of capturing just another city for the sake of it? And then offering this city for peace?

There are no peace talkings. Just attempts to push the French/Neander/Israelian friendship in pieces and make the French move away their armies.

Despite the terrible loss of culture in Hebron, Israel will not sign these peace conditions.
We cannot talk with barbarians.

India (DoE) · May 8, 2011, 15:38

High Inspector Raya, there is something mystical afoot. Several of our seers and many priests and mystics have sensed it.

It seems the earth is somehow spinning through the same day again and again. The farmer's crops harvested during the day have returned to the fields they were cut from in the morning, ripe and ready as before. Most people do not see these things, but those mystically inclined sense it. Dying men have screamed as they claim to be returned to their mortal flesh to die again. I have even had the same argument with my wife when I come home from here a dozen times, sensing the incremental resentment building for each consecutive quarrel. What began as a minor spat a few days ago now explodes every evening with hatred and bitterness. Yet it is the same evening, I am assured, by the astronomers that today is and has been since yesterday, the 8th of May, yet I know that many more days have indeed passed, yet all of them have been the 8th of May. Something highly mysterious is going on, I can feel it. The worst part is that this is the third time I tell you this, and the third time you look upon me with that raised eyebrow. You are going to say jokingly: "Have you been smoking the poppies, Under-Inspector? There is surely no possibility of such a phenomenon, and even if it were, how would we go about changing it with only a day to turn it around?"

Yes, that is how you looked at me last time as well, but I have to tell someone or I will lose my mind, I remember more than many others, the day is so long now and it begins to blend, what happened the first of these 8th of May days and what happened last seems all part of a long uninterrupted mess. I feel helpless and no prayer or action I have tried can reverse this situation. I have prepared a report for you on the details and I hope that this one will not be lost, forcing me to do it again tomorrow.

Perhaps it is true what some of the Christians say, that God can make a night last forever or a day seem eternal if it is in his grand plan. Perhaps it is some madness of the gods that has caused this. I shall leave now, the day is nearly over, again, and I know that I will be here again tomorrow, telling you the same thing. But I assure you, that I am speaking the truth when I say

High Inspector Raya, there is something mystical afoot. Several of our seers and many priests and mystics have sensed it...

Ottoman Empire (DoE) · May 9, 2011, 14:33

Notice to Israel:

david-galstyan.jpg

With the Permission of Supreme Commander Jamal, I release a statement from our Chief Naval Advisor Suleiman II:

"I am Suleiman the Magnificent, High Chief Naval Advisor of the Ottoman Turks, sacker of the Ekron scout camp, sacker of Hebron, son of the Mighty Suleiman the First, sacker of Jerusalem, scourge of the Israeli Dogs. I am Suleiman the Magnificent. I say to the false prophet Amram Goan, that to me you are an illegitiamte leader, a barbarian, a traitor, and a terrorist. I am Suleiman. You shall pay dearly, for the blood of the Martyrs of Ekron and Ekron Oasis, and I will not rest until your cities are ablaze in the fires of your treason. I am Suleiman. I am not Sultan Ahmed the merciful, and I do not share his generous, peaceful attitude towards your dishonourable, treacherous deeds. I am Suleiman.

Israel will burn. For the dishonor of the father is the dishonour of the son, and the daughter, and the grandfather. I am Suleiman. Israel must be burned in fire to purge the influence of the dishonorable False Prophet, Goan the Goat. Amram "the Goat" Goan will be slaughtered, and his broken body will be hung from the masthead of my ship as a warning to all who betray the Ottoman Turks. I am Suleiman. Under orders of his most excellent grace, Supreme Commander Jamal, I was merciful to the pitiful residents of Hebron. But the cowardly Goat, Goan slapped away the offer of peace from my master. I shall not repeat this mistake EVER again. Be on notice that henceforth, ALL CAPTURED ISRAELI CITIES WILL BE BURNED! I am Suleiman.

Now go cry to your French masters for them to save you from Suleiman, to save you from the fire. You will die, and only your Jewish God will have pity on your screams. Suleiman will show you no further mercy."

Please note that Suleiman II's statement does not reflect the opinion of the Sultan, Supreme Commander Jamal, or the Ottoman Turks people, however, Suleiman is our Chief Naval advisor, and his military decisions are his prerogative. You have been warned Israel.

Aysecan, Public Relations

Mali (DoE) · May 10, 2011, 03:03

Chief of intelligence of Mali presented a statement of Suleiman Negus. Ruler of Mali, read it and said,
"It seems our neighbors the Israelis are angry Turks, we have information on exactly why."
"Sir we do not have accurate information, but our spies say the Israelis have not complied with its promises to the Turks." said the chief spy of Mali. "What is our policy," Negus said, "because our borders are approaching war,"
Lord, I think I now have to keep neutrality, but to put our army in readiness to protect the borders of Mali. "That will do, thank you Council" Negus said, and handed his trusted spy bag with money. He accepted with joy and withdraw from the rooms of the ruler.

Mali (DoE) · May 10, 2011, 11:17

Official communiqué of the Malian government:
Today 10:05. were purified by fire a few misguided souls who were turned away from the true church. Before being submitted to the purifying fire they repented sincerely for prostitution of Malian people and repented that they were servants of a foreign government that they are paid to sow confusion and anxiety among our people. All died with cheers "to live forever Negus Nagast Musa"

Ottoman Empire (DoE) · May 11, 2011, 00:14

In the Supreme Commander's Tent...

A hushed conversation between the High Messenger and the Supreme Commander...

"He's not happy about it your Grace, but he claims that he submits to your will in all matters" ... Taner was obviously not fully convinced of this supposed submission...

Jamal sighed... rolling his eyes... "Well the word of the Ottoman Turks is more important than his lust for revenge... I promised to return Hebron to the Israelis and I have done so... and at any rate, we have more important matters to attend to than revenge. I tell you Taner... he has shown himself to be a brilliant tactician and capable warrior, but his appreciation for the larger picture leaves much to be desired"

"Yes your grace" Taner replied, "But remember he is younger than you, and he has much to learn... he also feels he has much to prove"

Jamal relented in his expression... "I must admit, that thusfar his handling of the Marines has been impeccable, and his obedience has been strict... And his report that the Israelis were planning to use a Great Artist against us was uncanny... and accurate... and amazingly timely... I dont even know how he found that out!"

Taner winked "There are rumors, that he has many sources your Grace"

Jamal shrugged his shoulders slightly... "He has given me no cause for complaint... Except!..." Jamal's voice raised in decible... "for that public statement he made! What was that all about?!?... Why would Aysecan release such rantings? She begged me to let her release a statement Suleiman prepared following the capture of Hebron. I thought it would be conciliatory... I gave my permission, AS LONG AS..." Jamal pointed his finger for emphasis, "and I stressed this Taner... "

"I know you did Your Grace" Taner smirked slightly... "I heard she did not want to even bring it up to the Sultan..."

"AS LONG AS it was... not... Not... NOT!... Inflammatory!... Ugh, I dont know what goes through her mind these days.." Jamal laid his face in his hand, shaking his head.

"Well..." Taner replied reluctantly, his voice trailing off even more quietly... "It is widely rumored that Suleiman has Aysecan's ear much more than most these days."

"You've been reading the Sexxstanbul too much my friend... Next your going to tell me that Aysecan is part of that Abandoned Child cult nonsense" Jamal rolled his eyes, shaking his head again...

Taner nodded..."Yes that was a bad depiction wasnt it... in that Aztec publication... And she had on a backless gown that night... you could see her whole back... it obviously couldn't have been her... Speaking of Aysecan, have you noticed she cut her hair again?... I thought..."

Jamal closed his eyes and waved his hand at Taner..."OK enough trivial talk. Let us get back to business..."

"Yes, well um..." Taner snapped back into formal mode quickly "Your Grace, Suleiman reports that he has finally located the stolen Galleon!"

Jamal was intrigued... "So it wasn't his men afterall?"

"No your Grace" Taner continued... "It was the most fanatical followers of the Inventor Brahman... they have been spotted making landfall in the Americas..."

"OK sit down Taner... we need to discuss this in detail. And I must make a report on this to the Sultan before he reads it in the Daily Turkey" Jamal sighed again...

This was going to be a long day and an even longer night...

Mali (DoE) · May 11, 2011, 09:00

Official communiqué of the Malian government:
The Government of Mali thanked his Israeli-Egyptian neighbors for the construction of roads on Malian territory, but Mali have enough workers to finish the road. So there is no need Israel-Egypt to continue its work on Malian territory, in addition to the construction of roads either side is generally hostile act, the Great Negus, of course not believe that Israel-Egypt has bad intentions, but believes that the territory of Mali has only Malian workers.

Mali (DoE) · May 12, 2011, 02:23

Lord of Mali review his troops, he went to an ordinary soldier and told him: "Are you ready to defend Malian Holy Land," "lord, I and my two sons are ready to fight for Mali to the last drop of blood" Negus Nagast Musa smiled and nodded to his bodyguard, who pulled out a handful of coins and poured them out to soldiers. "Now I want to see how to shoot guns," said Negus

India (DoE) · May 12, 2011, 06:53

An Inquiry into the cohesion of nations
Prepared by Sub-Inspector Aydawa Samiti

Chapter 4: The Indian Subcontinent

The Indian peoples number as checked in the latest census, more than 12 million souls, making the Indian nation the 3rd most populous in the world. Despite this vast number, the Indian Empire ranks 8th largest in land area, with the vast majority of its people living on the Indian subcontinent. The people of the Indian semi-autonomous city-states are all governed by the High Prophet's Civil Service based in Delhi.

The oddity of India is its remarkably diverse cultures, religions and traditions. The two dominant religions are Islam and Christianity, with large denominations of Taoists in the northern cities as well as a prominent Buddhist congregation in Calicut. The Indian subcontinent spans a great variety of terrain also, from the eternally frozen mountains of the Himalayas, to the deadly heat of the northern plain and deserts, to the humid farmlands further south.

As stated in my introduction, such varieties tend to sow dissemination and conflict between various groups and tribes within a Kingdom. This is certainly true in India, but the Indian state also has a firm unity based in a core common tradition with infinite variations and offshoots. The basis of the Indian Empire is in fact its near prehistoric self-image as a group of different tribes tied together by a common ancient tradition of which the actual versions are uncountable, yet all accepted as canon. Indians are not born Indian by blood, they are accultured to the local traditions with an ingrained respect for the diversity of others. This rather unique tradition along with a religion-independent belief in non-violent means enable the multitudes of Indian peoples to co-exist peacefully.

Worth mentioning as well is the recent rise in the belief of superiority of the Indian way, mainly openness to diversity. Contemporary literature and poetry celebrate diversity and the Indian way. This form of all-embracing Nationalism has led the Indians into a stronger sense of unity, even including such bold claims as that all the world are Indians, or can be if only they accept each other and peaceful means. Despite this humanist ideal, there is a deeper vein of animosity running through the Indian spirit. Specifically it is the Chinese domination of the easternmost part of India, which continues to inspire and unite the Indians to improve themselves in order to one day reach the goal of uniting all of India.

In summary, the 3rd most populous nation in the world, India is a diverse, yet unified nation with a strong sense of national pride in its trans-local traditions.

America (DoE) · May 13, 2011, 05:11

Washington, an old man now, sat in his office, behind his desk. He looked really pissed off.
By the gods, what a mess, he thought. He slammed down the report on his table.

The dreaded report...

It contained all the current issues that America was dealing with, a sort of state of affairs. And it was crap. A state of crap.
First those damn Ottoman rogues; settling on the last piece of available land on the continent, even after he warned them not too. And god knows how the Natives will react. A war with the Ottomans being fought out in America, that was the last thing he wanted. Then the economy; because of a serious lack of resources and generally crappy land, America was falling far behind compared to other nations. All his neighbors had huge cities, and all George could do was watch them grow, while his stagnated, despite all their efforts. The land simply couldn't sustain anything bigger. The military was in a sorry state, partly due to the fact that there are no horses on the American continent. Damn you, mother nature, damn you. And now this new thing called gunpowder was all the rage, and who didn't have it yet? Right. America.

But, if it was one thing his momma had always told em, it was that life was like picking your nose; you never know what you're gonna get. So, he wouldn't simply sit back and watch it all go to hell, ooooh no. He would straighten his back, pump his fist in the air, and bring America to the center stage, to lead the world, to be the shining example, to.....

********** THE WASHINGTON POST ************

NATION IN MOURNING

George Washington was found dead in his office, sprawled face forward on his desk. His doctor ascertained that Washington died of a heart attack. Presidential elections will be held within two months.

Ottoman Empire (DoE) · May 13, 2011, 14:35

The Daily Turkey

New Sultan Crowned in Turkey

The Sultan has finally stepped aside, and appointed his son, the young prince Ahmed V as the new Sultan. Our sources have indicated that the Sultan always preferred his son, but was reluctant to appoint such a young leader during a time of war. Now that a new age of peace has dawned, the way was clear to appiont his son to high office. The new Sultan has announced that:

"We will drop the pretenses of the past. From this day forward, we shall simply be know as the Turks, Turkish people and our land will simply be known as Turkey."

Both of the main contenders, Supreme Military Commander Jamal, and Cheif Naval Advisor Suleiman II have declined to make personal statements to the Daily Turkey, intead issuing general statements of approval and support of the new Sultan.

Sultan Ahmed V has already instituted sweeping reforms, some of which mirror his father's controversial programs. There was a long amount of political unrest following his changes, but this switch away from the more military-focused government of the past is a sign that the new Sultan favors the path of peace and rebuilding for Turkey.

Accolytes of the Inventor Brahman found a City

Our intrepid reporters have reported on-location to have witnessed the most radical followers of the Inventor-Brahman founding their own city on the North American coast in the frozen wilds of the far-north. These rouges claim allegiance to Turkey and the new Sultan, although they claim to have been "fleeing the oppression of Sultan Ahmed IV and his foolish anti-science programs."

We were able to reach Public Relations Minister Aysecan for comment:

"We contacted both North American nations in anticipation of this develpoment, as soon as the Accolytes were located and identified, and prior to the founding of the Accolytes' city. Neither nation raised any complaint, and so it was concluded that both nations were agreeable, or at least ambivalent towards the Accolytes' efforts to found a city. The rumors that President Washington of America warned the Accolytes not to found a city are preposterous and the implication that the presence of the Accolytes caused his heart attack are even more outrageous. We embrace the Accolytes as our citizens, but we are eager to have amicable relations with our new American and Native American neighbors."

Regarding the death of President Washington Aysecan remarked:

"All Turkish people express our most heartfelt sorrow at his passing and the Turks will send representatives to attend the funeral observances."

Mali (DoE) · May 15, 2011, 01:56

Ruler of Mali, Negus Nagast Musa, thought: "I am 98 years old and although I feel life has to predict the likelihood to move to my father in heaven. But I can not leave Mali for my son Menelik, because he was stupid drunk. My nephews are just as talentless, to whom I can count that can lead Mali stormy seas of history. The only one who can deal with this is ras Imru. The army is behind him and he easily may be acute talentless my family. now I will write him to come to me and introduce him to his plans. "