There's an obviously closeted old Christian guy at work who hits on me

[Asher]

What do I do?

Background: I'm currently on the floor in 'Marketing' which means it's 90% women, and there's only a handful of us tech guys. This guy is some business marketing manager, I don't know what exactly he does and it's unrelated to anything I could possibly do. There's no reason we should ever communicate.

I have a very well-refined gaydar. And he set it off immediately. His mannerisms, his overly prim-and-proper hygiene and styling, his voice and inflection pattern, and his behavior. Specifically, he walks by my desk a good dozen or more times a day, back and forth. Every time he does he looks and smiles (rather gayly) at me. It's obnoxious.

I've heard him talking to the girls he sits near, and he has a wife and a few kids. This is depressing, he's yet another one of those 'not gay, not gay, not gay, I'm Straight I Swear types'.

Last week he started coming by to my desk and randomly chatting about stuff. First it's about wireless works, then it's about how his wireless at home doesn't work. Then it's about previous jobs, current job, corporate style at the company, etc. Just randomly plodding and excessive.

Now he comes by and chats a couple times every day about random stuff, in his trademark creepy style. Every single day he asks me to add him to Facebook (every day I forgot, or didn't get around to it). But before I looked him up, I predicted based off his character type what his profile would look like. Sure enough, I was right. He identifies as "straight", his religion as "Christian", and his politics as "Very Conservative". (Sidenote: "Very Conservative" on facebook has a 100% "pound me in the ass powerbottom boy in denial" success rater from my personal experience).

On top of this guy being depressing as all hell, the conversations are painful and he's very creepy. How do I get him to **** off without telling him to **** off? As many of you know, I'm not one to mince words or hold back, so this is a curious situation...

I am quickly reaching my Ben Kenobi breaking point with him.

Please help.

By the way, by "old" I mean 32. Ancient.

[KrazyHorse]

**** him in the ass and take pictures while you do it.

After you're done, tell him that unless he leaves you the **** alone from then on you're going to expose him to his friends and family.

You can tape a picture of whatever twink you like to the back of his head so you don't detumesce in the middle of the job.

[Asher]

But he's very, very old and not at all attractive. I couldn't do it. I'm very, very picky.

[Heresson]

32 is not "old".
That'd mean I'd be "old" in 5 years

[Asher]

32 is not "old".
That'd mean I'd be "old" in 5 years

Yes. Nearly dead.

[Wezil]

I can't even remember 32.

[Asher]

I can't even remember 32.

Alzheimers. It's a *****.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Ben?

[Asher]

No, this guy is functionally intelligent insofar as he puts his pants on properly.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Ah, just making sure.

[Wezil]

AFAIK Ben is a respectful couple thousand miles away.

[Cort Haus]

You'll be 32 faster than you think, Asher.

Meanwhile, have a word with HR saying this guy is sexually harassing you.

[Asher]

You'll be 32 faster than you think, Asher.

Ain't no thang...

Last year I defined "really old" as 25. I bumped it up 7 years.

[Wezil]

You will keep doing that.

[MrFun]

But he's very, very old and not at all attractive. I couldn't do it. I'm very, very picky.

Tell him you have a boyfriend/significant other and that you are TAKEN. Then flick your hand, saying, "Shoo! Fly away, fairy!"