There's an obviously closeted old Christian guy at work who hits on me

[Kuciwalker]

Sucks.

[Wezil]

Always count on the hardcore religious to have love in their hearts.

[BlackCat]

It wouldn't be like that anyway. It's some sacrifices I make -- eg, I skip Xmas parties and the like as spouses are supposed to be there. Plus I hate them anyway.

Come to Denmark - spouses are the last one that you want to take to our Xmas parties

[-Jrabbit]

I must admit, I'm surprised.

[Space05us]

Maybe your gaydar is broken and he is just trying to be friendly? If the workplace is 90% female perhaps you are the only other guy there that he feels able to communicate with.

[Asher]

I must admit, I'm surprised.

I keep my private life private, for the most part.

Only my immediate family knows as well, not the extended (though I'm not at all close with the extended, don't really care).

All my friends know, though.

Being out at work just fails the basic cost/benefit analysis.

Cost: Potentially career-limiting, running into homphobes.
Benefits: Get to bring spouse to boring Christmas parties?

Note on my HR policies, like my life insurance and for my RRSP (CDN 401K), my partner is listed as a beneficiary but that is processed by HR in Montreal and no one in my office.

[Asher]

Maybe your gaydar is broken and he is just trying to be friendly? If the workplace is 90% female perhaps you are the only other guy there that he feels able to communicate with.

My gaydar is never broken.

He's over the top.

[Flubber]

Asher

I don't know if you would listen to me since I am so beyond ancient that this advice must seem like its echoes from pre-history-- But . . . .


He hasn't done anything yet that qualifies as harassment as nothing he has said or done is beyond what a friendly overly chatty guy might say or do so I would reject any complaining to anyone. I am not saying your gaydar is broken its just his persuasion is irrelevent to what he has done so far.

But gay or straight my advice would be the same when faced with an annoying chatty co-worker-- be busy--whenever he comes to chat say something like " I really can`t chat now-- I`m under a time crunch on whatever``

Do this on several occasions and he will get the hint-- Its never overly rude but it shows you aren`t going out of your way to be nice and are therefor uninterested in him

[Flubber]

The point is simply to get the idea across to him you are uninterested. AS someone else said, he probably has you pegged as guy with a girlfriend who wouldn`t mind a little man on man action on the side.

So your challenge is to show you are not interested without offending-- thats why I simply suggest being busy a lot-- He cannot complain about work diligence and its not a blatant rejection

[Wezil]

Then he'll assume Asher is either playing hard to get or being a ***** tease.

[Asher]

Asher

I don't know if you would listen to me since I am so beyond ancient that this advice must seem like its echoes from pre-history-- But . . . .


He hasn't done anything yet that qualifies as harassment as nothing he has said or done is beyond what a friendly overly chatty guy might say or do so I would reject any complaining to anyone. I am not saying your gaydar is broken its just his persuasion is irrelevent to what he has done so far.

But gay or straight my advice would be the same when faced with an annoying chatty co-worker-- be busy--whenever he comes to chat say something like " I really can`t chat now-- I`m under a time crunch on whatever``

Do this on several occasions and he will get the hint-- Its never overly rude but it shows you aren`t going out of your way to be nice and are therefor uninterested in him

Good call

[Flubber]

Good call

Time will tell-- I assumed he is relatively normal and intelligent enough to take a hint-- if he`s a weirdo then all bets are off

[Asher]

On the contrary, if he's a weirdo I'll start a pool.

[Wezil]

Ask some screening questions.

eg. "What church do you go to?"

[Sirotnikov]

Asher - is there really a risk posed by being openly gay in software business? I would guess in Israel it is considered among the more gay friendly, liberal minded industries.