Lori's Periodic Whinge About Still Being Single

[Lorizael]

I'm turning 34 this week. From 16 to 27, I was in 3 long-term relationships. Since breaking up with the ex 6 years ago, I've been rejected a few times, gone on a couple dates with a few women, and had one brief but disastrous FWB thing. But mostly I've been alone, and I don't really understand why.

My period of romantic success coincides with my period of being a depressed little **** who pissed off everyone around me and couldn't keep a job. Now I have a degree, the beginnings of a career, significantly better emotional regulation, and a fairly stable life... but no romantic success to speak of. One might think current me would be more attractive to women than past me, but the evidence seems to indicate otherwise.

What am I doing wrong?

[rah]

My only guess is that you're not getting out there enough. You're at that age where woman start getting more concerned about the person than the package.
My daughter (who is just a few years younger) keeps complaining that there are no decent men out there.
Just put in the effort. There are many women out there like me daughter that are looking.

[Docfeelgood]

I think you're doing just fine. Relationships are overrated anyway. I met my current wife on one of those dating web sites. We've been together over 15 years now. Give it a try.
Just don't get down if you don't meet someone right away.
BTW One of those sites had to give my money back because they couldn't find a match for me.

[Kidlicious]

Try harder

[Lorizael]

My only guess is that you're not getting out there enough. You're at that age where woman start getting more concerned about the person than the package.
My daughter (who is just a few years younger) keeps complaining that there are no decent men out there.
Just put in the effort. There are many women out there like me daughter that are looking.

Whereabouts is your daughter?

[Lorizael]

I think you're doing just fine.

I don't. I'm very lonely.

I met my current wife on one of those dating web sites. We've been together over 15 years now. Give it a try.
Just don't get down if you don't meet someone right away.

I've used Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Match.com, eharmony, CoffeeMeetsBagel... and maybe a couple others I can't remember at the moment. Online dating has netted me (1) two dates with someone I had no chemistry with, (2) four dates with a woman who eventually I guess "dumped" me, and (3) a bunch of conversations that never got off the ground or sputtered out.

[rah]

Chicago.
She too has not had any luck on-line dating. Nor with speed dating which she claimed was just a lot of insecure desperate men that weren't really trying.
You best just get out in groups and let women see you being a real person.

[Elok]

Hey, Lori's an insecure desperate man who tries very hard.

EDIT more seriously now that I'm not holding a baby: do you have any interests whatever that are not 90% male-dominated? I met Shelok while blogging, and probably your ideal candidate would get lost in the Tinder noise, or alienated, as readily as you do. Also, did you try my "I promise I won't send you dick pics" avatar sign idea?

SECOND EDIT: Slate Star Codex. There are probably an appreciable number of nerds, some of them female, from the DC area on The Codex. Heck, just post on an open thread asking for advice on finding love as a neurotic introvert. They have experience.

[rah]

Yeah, when I was younger, I took typing classes, Home economics and even volleyball. In almost every case I was the only, or one of two males in the class. I got a lot of dates from those.

[Lorizael]

do you have any interests whatever that are not 90% male-dominated?

Writing, which was of course how I found my last girlfriend. But here's the thing...

In 2008 I decided to do NaNoWriMo for the first time. I showed up to a write-in at Panera and met the group that included my would be girlfriend. We all bonded. After she broke up with her boyfriend, I clumsily swooped in, bashed my head into glass several times, and finally "got" her.

In the 6 years since breaking up with her, I've been to a bunch of write-ins, writing classes, writing groups, etc. but have never managed to replicate the success I had on my very first attempt to do this kind of thing. How did it work then when I was a total mess of a human being but now after I've matured significantly and tried several more times?

[Elok]

Clearly, he needs to change careers to health care. I'm one of two dudes in my RT class of 18. And IDK about you, but I think women look rather nice in scrubs.

[Elok]

Writing, which was of course how I found my last girlfriend. But here's the thing...

In 2008 I decided to do NaNoWriMo for the first time. I showed up to a write-in at Panera and met the group that included my would be girlfriend. We all bonded. After she broke up with her boyfriend, I clumsily swooped in, bashed my head into glass several times, and finally "got" her.

In the 6 years since breaking up with her, I've been to a bunch of write-ins, writing classes, writing groups, etc. but have never managed to replicate the success I had on my very first attempt to do this kind of thing. How did it work then when I was a total mess of a human being but now after I've matured significantly and tried several more times?

There could be any number of confounding variables. It might just be a function of age, for example, or the DC dating scene metamorphosed in the intervening five years under stress from Tinder. IDK, my wife's the second woman I ever dated and the first was a classmate I had two lame dates with.

Unless told otherwise I'm going to post on The Codex for you.

[Docfeelgood]

I don't. I'm very lonely.



I've used Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Match.com, eharmony, CoffeeMeetsBagel... and maybe a couple others I can't remember at the moment. Online dating has netted me (1) two dates with someone I had no chemistry with, (2) four dates with a woman who eventually I guess "dumped" me, and (3) a bunch of conversations that never got off the ground or sputtered out.

Don't give up. I promise you, it's a big, big ocean out there and full of a lots and lots of fish. You will meet someone. Just be patient.

[Docfeelgood]

Clearly, he needs to change careers to health care. I'm one of two dudes in my RT class of 18. And IDK about you, but I think women look rather nice in scrubs.

I became a nurse so I could meet chicks. I just didn't know the majority of them would over the age of 70.

[Docfeelgood]

I knew this guy who put a sign in the back window of his car. Single male looking for single female and his phone number, nothing else. It worked. Personally I think he could have done better but he's happy. That's all that matters.