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Hey fellow Polytubbies.
Unfortunately, my next summer's epic hike is likely to be put off, as my brain scan was worrying. There were some minor changes, appx few millimeters. However, that having had Stage 4 cancer, it means it can be quick and aggressive growing. This is all speculation, but it is most likely I'll undergo treatments during the summer. I hope it will go well. I might go to Spain and redo the Camino instead, or Norway. In EU country, it's safer as whatever happens, I'm fully covered and I can get back home within hours if needed.
I am still working, I have no alternatives than to work or lose my home. Of course, losing it is inevitable, but I do enjoy my current work (I changed to another employer). I thought I'd start documenting more, write, perhaps make short video clips of the stuff I do, in case I do survive for long; it might be interesting. Or if I don't, it might be interesting to the people I know. It would provide me things to do, new skills to learn and quite frankly, I am a bit lonely, too. Some attention whoring.
I have not given up, and I still have all my physical abilities left. Right now this is mental, as certain death revealed itself again. I am most anxious about having to act that I am OK, working hard, paying the bills and making the ends meet so I can be a good dad. It's pretty rough and stressful. Basically, I have no help, my savings are now gone as I changed the job to a more satisfying one (still a good move). Mostly in shock, still, trying to figure out what to do next. There is no way knowing or predicting, I can remain somewhat functional for another year, two years, or just few months. I find it quite disappointing that the end of life stuff is still so mundane. My doctor almost kicked me out as she got nervous telling me the bad news and I said I will lose my home if I cannpt work and I have no support at all. She tried to force a smile and put me to see a nurse and left. I have become a traveller of the last phases of the cancer process and it's tough mentally for its utter lack of personal touch. I've lost all self-pity the last time, this time I am angry. At everything and everyone. (Not you guys
)
I just wanted to let you all know, since we've been interacting for years and I would not disappear without saying anything. So I think I will pick up the hobby of writing and making videos for therapeutic reasons. Don't know what it's going to be about. I guess to let out fear. I shall call it before I go, or something not too dramatic.
That's all for now. Then again, I just might get more good years, no way to know. And yeah, I have a kick-ass job these days
Unfortunately, my next summer's epic hike is likely to be put off, as my brain scan was worrying. There were some minor changes, appx few millimeters. However, that having had Stage 4 cancer, it means it can be quick and aggressive growing. This is all speculation, but it is most likely I'll undergo treatments during the summer. I hope it will go well. I might go to Spain and redo the Camino instead, or Norway. In EU country, it's safer as whatever happens, I'm fully covered and I can get back home within hours if needed.
I am still working, I have no alternatives than to work or lose my home. Of course, losing it is inevitable, but I do enjoy my current work (I changed to another employer). I thought I'd start documenting more, write, perhaps make short video clips of the stuff I do, in case I do survive for long; it might be interesting. Or if I don't, it might be interesting to the people I know. It would provide me things to do, new skills to learn and quite frankly, I am a bit lonely, too. Some attention whoring.
I have not given up, and I still have all my physical abilities left. Right now this is mental, as certain death revealed itself again. I am most anxious about having to act that I am OK, working hard, paying the bills and making the ends meet so I can be a good dad. It's pretty rough and stressful. Basically, I have no help, my savings are now gone as I changed the job to a more satisfying one (still a good move). Mostly in shock, still, trying to figure out what to do next. There is no way knowing or predicting, I can remain somewhat functional for another year, two years, or just few months. I find it quite disappointing that the end of life stuff is still so mundane. My doctor almost kicked me out as she got nervous telling me the bad news and I said I will lose my home if I cannpt work and I have no support at all. She tried to force a smile and put me to see a nurse and left. I have become a traveller of the last phases of the cancer process and it's tough mentally for its utter lack of personal touch. I've lost all self-pity the last time, this time I am angry. At everything and everyone. (Not you guys
)I just wanted to let you all know, since we've been interacting for years and I would not disappear without saying anything. So I think I will pick up the hobby of writing and making videos for therapeutic reasons. Don't know what it's going to be about. I guess to let out fear. I shall call it before I go, or something not too dramatic.
That's all for now. Then again, I just might get more good years, no way to know. And yeah, I have a kick-ass job these days
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