Your diagnosis? (Dr. Lovely part infinity)

[Pekka]

Well, I got my therapist upset at me today. She flailed her arms and rolled her eyes. She has the hots for me, I can feel it.

I went to a psychiatrist today so I'll get more therapy, and he got me immediately! He needed more than the brain thing and divorce to ensure the government will pay for it for the next years to come. It was so eerie how he said, "so you will end up in relationships where the women might actually be much much more damaged than you and they will set the pace and you will end up suffering." Well, yes, and how the hell did he know that? We had _never_ discussed relationships. I just told few things about my dad and mum. He knows about my divorce. But that's it. He just figured it all out and laid it right there. I've know idea, he must be listening my thoughts. His diagnosis was I need psychotherapy, no meds needed, break from work, real break, enjoy stuff, be with the kids, stay away from their mother, and stay away from the damaged women. I never told him about Dr. Lovely or my kinky dark side.

[rah]

I hope he helps. But I always get a tad suspicious when someone that provides a specific service tells you that you need it for years to come. I guess someone has to be qualified to make that decision.

[Aeson]

A psychiatrist that isn't trying to pump you full of meds is a rare and wonderous find.

[Pekka]

rah, to be fair, he just signed the paper that allows the compensation, not that I will need it for sure. But just in case, so it will not end in case I do. I liked him a lot. Too bad I can't have him. He related on so many levels, told me about his own father, about him being a father, and the rapport was established and I felt he gets many points on a personal level, not just intellectual. And admitted his own flaws as a dad, just open and honest and smart. I can't have him because he is so fully booked forever. And he paid genuine interest, interrupted when necessary, and explained his thoughts about his obserations, provided sympathy. Quite refreshing.

Whereas the therapist is more quiet, and has been a bit critical few times. That is OK and fine, but I feel she does not understand despite my efforts to explain. She takes things quite literally sometimes. Minor things but adds up as we go along:
I told her I like reading, especially scifi and fantasy. So she commented scifi being my escape, or a tool for my tendency of escapism. No. I just like to read scifi. For escapism, I play video games.

My therapist had to point out that people are not inherently evil nor good, even if it feels like that sometimes. Well, I don't disagree, never did. I feel she is making deductions from my words that are incorrect. Last time, I explained how I try to not give up mentally should I become ill again, as I think I'd be disappointed at myself should I actually become ill. She said this magical thinking, innit? Again, I said no, I do not actually believe my thoughts can cause cancer to reoccur, but rather I'd be disappointed if I surrendered on mental level first, got sick, I know I'd be disappointed that I surrendered mentally first. She told me, "its still the same, really". It is not!

I dunno, maybe she was trying to provoke me and see how I get irritated. At the end of it, she did the rolling eyes how I do not express my anger or getting upset, and she is frustrated how I don't defend myself.

I take her point IF she wants to push me. But I mean am I supposed to start a fight with her? She is already making a whole bunch of deductions that are completely wrong, so I am actually afraid of arguing with her now. Should I tell this to her, she would ask why I feel that way. And I'd explain this once again. I am just frustrated with her, she is not very communicative so I have to do all the talking, it's difficult when she just watches me and gives me no feedback or anything. I think she feels I am stone-walling her, which is absolutely true. I asked my friend if this is something that therapists actually do, and she was a bit iffy. Maybe, maybe not.

My therapist has given me plenty of counter-productive advice, such as maybe I should keep my defences up. I reckon she might've been trying to push me, to get a reaction. I dunno, I'll ask her tomorrow.