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  • Alby, please stop using the masturbation facilities

    A notice posted in a port-a-potty on Camp Leatherneck in Helmand province, Afghanistan, tells troops to stop playing with themselves.


    US Military Cracks Down On Troop Masturbation In Afghanistan

    An image making the rounds on Facebook gave us a chuckle — it's a notice posted in a port-a-potty on Camp Leatherneck in Helmand province, Afghanistan, and it sends a clear message to the troops deployed there:

    Stop playing with yourself, or else.



    The notice threatens anyone in violation of this silly rule with legal action, specifically under Article 92 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Affectionaly dubbed the "catch-all" by Marines, Article 92 allows the military to prosecute its troops for "failure to obey an order or regulation."

    The notice, which hilariously refers to a port-a-potty as a "masturbation facility," claims that there have been several cases of illness in the region due to exposure to bodily fluids.

    That sounded a little scientifically fishy to me, so I reached out to the Navy Corpsman who was my medic when I was deployed to Helmand province in 2011. He called malarkey.

    "Unless they're getting semen in an open wound, there's no way," said Petty Officer 2nd Class Eric Dodson, a Corpsman with 2nd Marine Division in Camp Lejeune, N.C. "There's no transdermal infection passable through semen, at least to my knowledge."
    "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
    Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

  • #2
    These have shown up in college showers too. This one's older than the hills, Asher. It's fake.
    If there is no sound in space, how come you can hear the lasers?
    ){ :|:& };:

    Comment


    • #3
      I've seen the fake college ones. Where's your source on this one?
      "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
      Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

      Comment


      • #4
        Why would anyone want to be in a porta potty longer than needed?
        I make no bones about my moral support for [terrorist] organizations. - chegitz guevara
        For those who aspire to live in a high cost, high tax, big government place, our nation and the world offers plenty of options. Vermont, Canada and Venezuela all offer you the opportunity to live in the socialist, big government paradise you long for. –Senator Rubio

        Comment


        • #5
          Does it take you an especially long time?

          Yeah, I don't understand why marines - who have no private accommodations - would choose to masturbate in a private portapotty rather than in their bunk next to other men. A brainteaser for the ages.
          "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
          Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Asher View Post
            I've seen the fake college ones. Where's your source on this one?
            Uh, in your own article? Did you even read it?
            If there is no sound in space, how come you can hear the lasers?
            ){ :|:& };:

            Comment


            • #7
              I don't really take an especially long time to piss or **** and porta potties are generally disgusting places to be.
              I make no bones about my moral support for [terrorist] organizations. - chegitz guevara
              For those who aspire to live in a high cost, high tax, big government place, our nation and the world offers plenty of options. Vermont, Canada and Venezuela all offer you the opportunity to live in the socialist, big government paradise you long for. –Senator Rubio

              Comment


              • #8
                Posting this just to rustle LoneStar's jimmies, since he seems to believe only True Veteran Patriots are allowed to enjoy military humor:

                If there is no sound in space, how come you can hear the lasers?
                ){ :|:& };:

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Hauldren Collider View Post
                  Uh, in your own article? Did you even read it?
                  I certainly did. I also comprehended it, which apparently was beyond you.

                  You're probably referring to the "malarky" comment...the sign itself wasn't malarky, but the claim on the sign that exposure to bodily fluids caused illness.
                  "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                  Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Marines use portajohns?

                    what happened to latrines?
                    No, I did not steal that from somebody on Something Awful.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Why would you dig a latrine when you could bring in a porta****ter? It's much easier to set up and take down and it's cleaner.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by regexcellent View Post
                        Why would you dig a latrine when you could bring in a porta****ter? It's much easier to set up and take down and it's cleaner.
                        Because digging ditches is cheaper? Especially in some third world ****hole? It's the military, dude, not the state fair.

                        edit: THAT'S not *'d out?
                        No, I did not steal that from somebody on Something Awful.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          When you're already hauling in artillery, prefab buildings, fortifications, etc. some portajohns aren't a big deal.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Neither is a ditch.

                            Seriously, if they're really setting up those chemical filled solar ovens in the middle of the desert, that's whack.
                            No, I did not steal that from somebody on Something Awful.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              No it's not you ****ing luddite.

                              Comment

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