The Ashes 2013

[Dauphin]

[Tuberski]

The red pantyhose is a nice touch.

THOSE GUYS ARE WARRIOIRS!!!! IT'S SO YOU CAN'T TELL IF THEY ARE BLEEDING!!!!

ACK!

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Why is Bairstow in the team instead of a fifth bowler? He just doesn't look good enough.

[MikeH]

Especially as we have some bowlers who can bat a bit these days. And certainly bat better than Bairstow in current form.

Looks like a washout today, rubbish way to retain the Ashes. Would be exciting to have us need to bat all day.

[MikeH]

Ashes retained, I still don't think we've played anywhere near our best yet.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

And that's the Ashes retained. Well played, that raincloud.

Here's my wish-list for the 4th Test.

1- Bairstow dropped. Preferably from a considerable height. He might be a decent 20/20 player, but he's not a Test batsman.
2- Onions or Panesar in, depending on the pitch. They'll probably pick Tremlett, but I bet one of his limbs will fall off if they do.
3- Cook and Trott to remember how to stay in. They're under-performing and owe us a century each.
4- Shane Watson to stop being crap with the bat.
5- Shane Watson to stop being crap with the ball too. What the hell is wrong with him? There is nothing sadder than an all-rounder who can't bat or bowl.
6- Another Clarke century, please. Best batsman of the series so far.
7- A baggy green to be placed on a broom, and for the resulting abomination to be called "a spin bowler". It won't take any wickets, but right at this moment it looks like the Aussies' best option in this area.

[Alexander's Horse]

WTF?! he was responsible for the turnaround. 8 consecutive test wins, a record, and first ashes win for 18 years. He kickstarted us back into being a top test nation again. He struggled in his final 18 months or so but the first 6.5 years of his tenure were better than the 20 previous years and set the basis for current success IMO.

Ah yes, explains why Fletcher was so irritating to Australians.

Congrats on the Ashes win. I wish we could have made a better contest of it (grrr!!). In fine Australian fashion I expect we shall now use the last tests to blood some new players and behind the scenes have an untidy brawl, rather like the way we started the series.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

England cricket star Monty Panesar has been fined by police after being caught urinating on nightclub bouncers in Brighton, the BBC understands.

The spin bowler, who plays for Sussex County Cricket Club, was fined for being drunk and disorderly outside the Shooshh club early on Monday morning.

Sussex Police said a 31-year-old man had received a fixed penalty notice for being drunk and disorderly.

Sussex County Cricket Club said it was investigating the incident.

It said in a statement: "Sussex County Cricket Club can confirm that an incident took place involving Monty Panesar in the early hours of Monday August 5.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-23600037

By Sikh standards, that qualifies as a "A quiet and uneventful night".

[Alexander's Horse]

Monty was a crowd favorite, no-one could drop a catch quite like him.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

As far as batting and fielding is concerned, he could be seamlessly replaced with a step-ladder or something. But when he's blowing hot with his bowling I bet the Australians start comparing him with Agar and Lyons, and have a little cry.

[MikeH]

[Alexander's Horse]

Monty never fired in Australia iirc.

Another crowd favorite was Phil Tufnell, who when in Australia played like some bloke who had just sort of wandered out on the field lost.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Monty never fired in Australia iirc.

He only played 3 matches in the 2006 Ashes. Took 10 wickets, including one "5 for", and finished the series as England's 3rd-ranked in terms of wickets.

A rather disturbing revelation from Wiki- "Panesar has certain physical attributes that help with his spin bowling. Firstly he has unusually large hands, measuring 14 inches (360 mm),[14] and can also rotate his hand at his wrist through 360 degrees". Freak!

[Alexander's Horse]

You see I was overseas for that series, usually in places where you can't get cricket, hence the gaps in my knowledge. I'm in that situation now.

But last night I was delving into cricinfo and wisden, always a mistake, once I start I can't stop looking people up....

A couple of other terrible fielders - Dilip Doshe, played with Gavasakar's team, a laugh a minute whenever the ball went near him, and Australia's own Jimmy Higgs, a fringe test player, a leg spinner when the craft was out of fashion, who somehow managed to end up a national selector, how, I'll never know.

But Jimmy was better known for his awful batting, not aided by myopia, speaking of which, one guy I looked up, I forget which, possibly lucky Phil Tufnell, admitted he didn't wear his spectacles on the field and therefore couldn't actually see what was going on beyond the length of the pitch. Although in Phil's case it might have just been the lager....Phil was also famous for his naps in the dressing room, or he may have just passed out after too many ales at lunch, who can say.

I was going to say the players of today are less colourful but with people like Warner and Pieterson running around, it's a hard argument to sustain.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Oh, great. An unchanged England side. Just what we need when our top-order batsmen are in such stellar form.