Children

[Krill]

Lots of good advice here Lori. Especially, but not only, Mike's. I also think Ben has a valid point.

Listening to Ben is never the right thing to do.

Listening to Ben talking about life decisions is worse. Jumping off the Burj Khalifa will result in a better outcome.

[Nikolai]

Get over your hatemongering.

[BlackCat]

Get over your hatemongering.

Problem is that Ben doesn't have a valid point, so it's quite fair to say "don't listen to BK".

Lots of people that get together find out that they can't continue the relationship, find other mates and happily get children that they wouldn't have done in their original relationship.

[Dr Strangelove]

Mine are pretty much grown. It was fun, Nothing smells sweeter than a freshly washed kid all squeezed in your arms.

I wanna do it all over again, but I know I'm too old.

Fortunately I work in a profession where I care for bunches of kids every day.

If only their moms weren't cat ladies.

[Robert]

Seems like you have some good reasons for not wanting children. (and some imho pretty bad reasons as well).

Let me just list my reasons for why I do love it to have children.
Maybe it'll help you to decide. But first: if you go for children, then please have the decency to stay with your girlfriend till at least they are grown ups. (21+)

why it's awesome to have kids:
pragmatic reason
- being old without kids/grandkids can be pretty boring

emotional reasons:
- you'll love them like you haven't loved anything before. ok, if you want to of course. If you want to, you will.
- they'll love you, at least till they're 12 8)
- kids are very very very interesting! They're not robots. you tell them, you punish them, you yell at them, you tell them again, you punish them harder, and then they still do it! That's awesome! They are self-thinking creatures with a will of their own and you can't program them. Raising kids is very annoying and terrible at times, but it's also a very very very interesting thing to do.
- there's nothing as cool as a laughing kid! If it's your own kid, it's even better!
- you can turn them off in the evenings when they go to sleep. If you never allow them to leave their bed, they'll just turn off around 19.30h. (if you start to allow them to leave their beds once in a while you're toast)
- they are (a bit) like you. All the things you love about yourself can you now find in this little creature.

there's more but I'm too bored en exhousted after being with my kids all day to type more.

My advise is: just go for it! Only for about 5-7 years they need a lot of care. After that they'll start to dress and wash themselves. 8)
What's 5-7 years on a lifetime, especially if you can enjoy their company for the rest of your life?

Good luck deciding!

[Lorizael]

I should add that Lori is IMO the most mature and even-tempered of us on here, the best at accepting other points of view, being fair and not flipping out when things go against him. And that strikes me as the single most important trait for a father, at least for the first year. If you can't say "okay, this situation is stupid and ridiculous and unfair, and I'm tired and worn out and have already done more than I feel I should have to, but nobody else is going to do this and it needs to get done so **** it, I'll keep going," you're toast.

Dude. Thanks.

[MrFun]

It is not until you become a parent that you understand the diversity and universality of feces as a topic for conversation and contemplation.

Really??

[b etor]

I've never wanted them. Girlfriend has always wanted them. When we got together four years ago, it was with the understanding that we wouldn't be together forever, because she eventually wanted to have kids. Now, she's tired of waiting. She wants to start a family.

Why did you guys decide to get together despite this huge difference? Why would you date if you knew it would end? I read a few relationship articles about people who do this sort of thing hoping the other person will change eventually, and something something about the likelihood for the couple to want kids more with time, so usually the one wanting them wins. Were you hoping she would change her mind or do you think she was hoping you would change yours? Legitimately very curious. How old is your girlfriend?

[Dr Strangelove]

Seems like you have some good reasons for not wanting children. (and some imho pretty bad reasons as well).

Let me just list my reasons for why I do love it to have children.
Maybe it'll help you to decide. But first: if you go for children, then please have the decency to stay with your girlfriend till at least they are grown ups. (21+)

why it's awesome to have kids:
pragmatic reason
- being old without kids/grandkids can be pretty boring

emotional reasons:
- you'll love them like you haven't loved anything before. ok, if you want to of course. If you want to, you will.
- they'll love you, at least till they're 12 8)
- kids are very very very interesting! They're not robots. you tell them, you punish them, you yell at them, you tell them again, you punish them harder, and then they still do it! That's awesome! They are self-thinking creatures with a will of their own and you can't program them. Raising kids is very annoying and terrible at times, but it's also a very very very interesting thing to do.
- there's nothing as cool as a laughing kid! If it's your own kid, it's even better!
- you can turn them off in the evenings when they go to sleep. If you never allow them to leave their bed, they'll just turn off around 19.30h. (if you start to allow them to leave their beds once in a while you're toast)
- they are (a bit) like you. All the things you love about yourself can you now find in this little creature.

there's more but I'm too bored en exhousted after being with my kids all day to type more.

My advise is: just go for it! Only for about 5-7 years they need a lot of care. After that they'll start to dress and wash themselves. 8)
What's 5-7 years on a lifetime, especially if you can enjoy their company for the rest of your life?

Good luck deciding!

I agree with most of that except for the punishing harder, the turning them off in the evening, and seriously your kids couldn't bathe and dress themselves until they were 8 ?

[Alexander's Horse]

A rule I follow is if I or Mrs Horse strongly wants to do something, we do that, especially if the other is not sure or doesn't have a good reason to oppose.

[Elok]

Why did you guys decide to get together despite this huge difference? Why would you date if you knew it would end? I read a few relationship articles about people who do this sort of thing hoping the other person will change eventually, and something something about the likelihood for the couple to want kids more with time, so usually the one wanting them wins. Were you hoping she would change her mind or do you think she was hoping you would change yours? Legitimately very curious. How old is your girlfriend?

I wondered something like this, but concluded they simply had different assumptions/expectations about dating. I viewed it as a test run for "do I want to marry this person?" I imagine Lori and his GF see/saw it differently: a relationship is an evanescent thing you enjoy while it lasts. Or something. I wouldn't want that, but hey, it's their call.

[Jon Miller]

I wondered something like this, but concluded they simply had different assumptions/expectations about dating. I viewed it as a test run for "do I want to marry this person?" I imagine Lori and his GF see/saw it differently: a relationship is an evanescent thing you enjoy while it lasts. Or something. I wouldn't want that, but hey, it's their call.

I thought similarly to you.

JM

[Jon Miller]

I wondered something like this, but concluded they simply had different assumptions/expectations about dating. I viewed it as a test run for "do I want to marry this person?" I imagine Lori and his GF see/saw it differently: a relationship is an evanescent thing you enjoy while it lasts. Or something. I wouldn't want that, but hey, it's their call.

I thought similarly to you.

JM