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Stumped: what should I write back to 15 yr old son
The point that I was conveying was not that I am not a happy person. What I was trying to point out was that nuclear deterrents never work so to speak. Your sudden awaking or acknowledgement of the fact that you know that I am unhappy, changes nothing. Everyone wants everyone to be happy, a whole world of people holding hands and raising each other up, a nice fantasy isn't it, but not such a pretty reality. People read headlines and assume that its the truth, students are being taught theories that are already outdated, Men working manual labor so that their children can go to some over crowed over priced school run by monks turned business men with knowledge as their trade, the junkies and pornographers have become idols and celebrities in their own right and are wallowing in riches of the depressed and downtrodden. I am unhappy because I live in unhappy world, I don't want to keep this going. I have seen the world, looked up at the sistine chapel seen the beauty and smelled the labour of love that created them, swam in the dying ocean surrounding a island paradise riddled with human parasites, seen the bones of great long dead men and walked through the catacombs of a dead city supporting a living one, and seen relatives and strangers lay stricken by age.
If what I see is considered critical then I truly worry about what people see when they look at me, but perhaps thats part of the problem. What do you see when you look at me? a fool that can't do anything right, a child unaware of whats going on around him, or a stupid youth that you are wasting your time on. Sometimes I wish that I was the fool that my actions make me out to be, as they say 'Ignorance is Bliss'. If there is one perk of being pessimist/ cynical bastard it is that I see the funny side in everything and this often gets me in trouble. My observations on how stupid some of the things we learn in class and the fairy tale of the ethos of the school are what often get me in trouble. You say that my dogma should be forgive and forget, but I hasten to remind you that my mother's motto is and I quote 'I forgive but I do not forget' now I think we can both see how hypocritical that is and I can't shake the image of her some chart she has were she counts up our wrongs. Youth should be fun, and while many of my sport colleges at the school would interpret that as the rush of adrenaline at the height of a sport game or some the seedier people in my year would see that as drugs, personally I think that youth is a mixture of perdition and euphoric heights.
What part in your opinion was over the top? was it the part where you called me a disappointment or was it when you started making threats. When I clash horns with teachers it is all ways an up hill battle and not one on equal footing, but I guess that is why while the class may laugh and I receive some small measure of pride eventually the teacher always wins. Tis true that I cannot bear the burden of the world on my shoulders and now my world is crashing down around me. Hopefully by now you have come to the realisation as many do that my humour is my way of deflecting around any premature probe into my character, my defence against any coup de grace or even the demand to grow up. It does scare me that you let your emotions dictate your actions, but then in many ways the same could be said for me and some of the audacious things that I have done.
If what I see is considered critical then I truly worry about what people see when they look at me, but perhaps thats part of the problem. What do you see when you look at me? a fool that can't do anything right, a child unaware of whats going on around him, or a stupid youth that you are wasting your time on. Sometimes I wish that I was the fool that my actions make me out to be, as they say 'Ignorance is Bliss'. If there is one perk of being pessimist/ cynical bastard it is that I see the funny side in everything and this often gets me in trouble. My observations on how stupid some of the things we learn in class and the fairy tale of the ethos of the school are what often get me in trouble. You say that my dogma should be forgive and forget, but I hasten to remind you that my mother's motto is and I quote 'I forgive but I do not forget' now I think we can both see how hypocritical that is and I can't shake the image of her some chart she has were she counts up our wrongs. Youth should be fun, and while many of my sport colleges at the school would interpret that as the rush of adrenaline at the height of a sport game or some the seedier people in my year would see that as drugs, personally I think that youth is a mixture of perdition and euphoric heights.
What part in your opinion was over the top? was it the part where you called me a disappointment or was it when you started making threats. When I clash horns with teachers it is all ways an up hill battle and not one on equal footing, but I guess that is why while the class may laugh and I receive some small measure of pride eventually the teacher always wins. Tis true that I cannot bear the burden of the world on my shoulders and now my world is crashing down around me. Hopefully by now you have come to the realisation as many do that my humour is my way of deflecting around any premature probe into my character, my defence against any coup de grace or even the demand to grow up. It does scare me that you let your emotions dictate your actions, but then in many ways the same could be said for me and some of the audacious things that I have done.
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