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Long story short I parked my car at a university garage thinking that I would be allowed to park there because I was speaking to a conservative student group, at their invitation and upon my request, without any form of compensation.
So what could go wrong? I get $200 and a free lunch and get out, right? I was MISTAKEN, a fact that became all too clear when I returned to my vehicle with one of the students and spotted a parking boot located on its rear left tire, because I had committed some form of parking violation sideways.
IF ZIP CAR HEARD ABOUT THIS MY MEMBERSHIP WOULD BE FINISHED. I had TWO HOURS to return the car or that would be STRIKE THREE FOR MY ACCOUNT, WHICH HAS ALREADY BEEN SUSPENDED TWICE EVEN THOUGH I USED THEIR CORPORATE CODEWORD (For those not in the know, a corporate codeword is a word you use to indicate you are a relative of the company's owner/board chair/etc to get the operator to do what you want, WHICH IN THE CASE OF ZIP CAR IS "ORANGEBALL" IN CASE ANYONE WANTS TO CALL IN AND GET THEM TO DETONATE EVERY ****ING ZIP CAR IN THE ****ING COUNTRY WHICH I RECOMMEND BASED ON MY EXPERIECNE WITH THESE DOUCHEBAGS SEE BELOW THANKS).
The student with me offered to make the boot go away and I accepted, foolishly because I had no idea whether he would damage the car and because it's never wise to trust men who wear shorts. Within about 20 minutes he was back with some tools, messed around with the hubcaps and took the boot off and put it in my trunk.
I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS SETTLED UNTIL I GOT A PHONE CALL A FEW HOURS LATER FROM A UNIVERSITY OFFICIAL TELLING ME SAMWISE TOLD THEM EVERYTHING, AND THEY ARE CALLING ZIPCAR TO CANCEL MY MEMBERSHIP AND THAT I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO DRIVE THEIR SMARTCARS EVER AGAIN.
I have never been kicked out of anything, not the National Honors Society, not Phi Beta Cappa and DEFINITELY NOT A GOD DAMN CAR SERVICE.
Now look I STILL HAVE THE PARKING BOOT. I can guess where the university president's car is parked. I know MATH ISN'T YOU PEOPLE'S STRONG SWEETS, BUT I NEED SOME ADVICE ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH THIS BOOT.
So what could go wrong? I get $200 and a free lunch and get out, right? I was MISTAKEN, a fact that became all too clear when I returned to my vehicle with one of the students and spotted a parking boot located on its rear left tire, because I had committed some form of parking violation sideways.
IF ZIP CAR HEARD ABOUT THIS MY MEMBERSHIP WOULD BE FINISHED. I had TWO HOURS to return the car or that would be STRIKE THREE FOR MY ACCOUNT, WHICH HAS ALREADY BEEN SUSPENDED TWICE EVEN THOUGH I USED THEIR CORPORATE CODEWORD (For those not in the know, a corporate codeword is a word you use to indicate you are a relative of the company's owner/board chair/etc to get the operator to do what you want, WHICH IN THE CASE OF ZIP CAR IS "ORANGEBALL" IN CASE ANYONE WANTS TO CALL IN AND GET THEM TO DETONATE EVERY ****ING ZIP CAR IN THE ****ING COUNTRY WHICH I RECOMMEND BASED ON MY EXPERIECNE WITH THESE DOUCHEBAGS SEE BELOW THANKS).
The student with me offered to make the boot go away and I accepted, foolishly because I had no idea whether he would damage the car and because it's never wise to trust men who wear shorts. Within about 20 minutes he was back with some tools, messed around with the hubcaps and took the boot off and put it in my trunk.
I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS SETTLED UNTIL I GOT A PHONE CALL A FEW HOURS LATER FROM A UNIVERSITY OFFICIAL TELLING ME SAMWISE TOLD THEM EVERYTHING, AND THEY ARE CALLING ZIPCAR TO CANCEL MY MEMBERSHIP AND THAT I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO DRIVE THEIR SMARTCARS EVER AGAIN.
I have never been kicked out of anything, not the National Honors Society, not Phi Beta Cappa and DEFINITELY NOT A GOD DAMN CAR SERVICE.
Now look I STILL HAVE THE PARKING BOOT. I can guess where the university president's car is parked. I know MATH ISN'T YOU PEOPLE'S STRONG SWEETS, BUT I NEED SOME ADVICE ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH THIS BOOT.
ACK!
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