Poem about Enzymes

[Al B. Sure!]

What nonsense did I have to write in school

Eddie Enzyme and his brothers are good at construction,
But specialize in certain reactions based on their function,
Condensation, rearrangement, functional-group transfer, they always get done first,
Electron transfer or hydrolysis, like condensation in reverse,
They live in a cell, their home, which they have built and maintain,
Converting amino acids into the domains of polypeptide chains,
And using phospholipids and sterols to build their home’s membrane,
Eddie himself works with fats, fatty acids, and triglycerides,
Especially triglycerides because of the energy they provide,
He concentrates on working with this group, the lipids,
But would like to work with proteins, though he wouldn’t risk it,
See, his brother Earl Enzyme died from denaturation,
Twisted, forming anchors, his jaws gripped enemy agents,
But the brothers got help from ATP and other nucleotides,
Their cousins who are called the Coenzymes,
So now they work forming nucleic acids, DNA, and RNA,
Working on the cell, the home where they stay.

[The Mad Monk]

Pretty cool.

[Elok]

"Construction" and "function" do not rhyme--like most of the other couplets--but they come just close enough to be irritating. This poem confuses and infuriates me. How old were you when you wrote it?

[The Mad Monk]

Oh come on, it's a harmless piece of geekery.

[Elok]

No, it's not. It implies that ATP is a nucleotide. And "fats, fatty acids, and triglycerides" is almost like "wine, fermented juice and immature vinegar." Every time you read this poem, A PUPPY DIES.

[The Mad Monk]

Anything you say, Sheldon.

[Elok]

I'm guessing that would be funny if I watched any TV. I'm dimly aware that it's a Big Bang Theory reference from somebody mentioning that name in that context on here a while back, but beyond that...:shrug:

Anyway, swyve that poem. It's awkwardly phrased, uses not-quite-rhymes and does not adhere to accepted biology AFAICT. For all these reasons and more, I will dance upon its desecrated grave.

That's what listening to rap does to you, BTW.

[Al B. Sure!]

It's funny because I watched the new 21 Jump Street movie several weeks ago and thought the chemistry poems were strange, completely having forgotten I wrote one, too.

[Al B. Sure!]

And the hate on Apolyton for imperfect rhymes is bothering me. They're ****ing valid! Not only do both construction and function end in the same -tion, but they have assonance and consonance in the second to last syllable... the 'uck' and 'unk' sounds (-struc, -func) use the same vowel and share the hard k sound.

I don't know what is the proper poetic term for that since it's more than assonance, more than consonance, but not quite a perfect rhyme.

Regardless, it's ****ing valid in poetics.

[DaShi]

Let your haters be your motivators.

[Al B. Sure!]

Let your haters be your motivators.

Better watch out or someone will tell you hater and motivator don't rhyme either!

[Elok]

Hater and motivator?...yes, they do rhyme, unless you go out of your way to pronounce the last syllable of "motivator" like the word "or." Perhaps that's a Philly thing.

Construction/function is technically a feminine rhyme (last syllable only), which sounds lazy and weak to my ear, but if you insist, fine. "First" and "reverse," however, are not even close, and if you're going to go for simple alliterations you should do it consistently. Doing one and then the other just makes it look like you're trying, and failing, to rhyme. Especially when you seem to give up the game entirely around the halfway point, before doing an actual rhyme in the last couplet.

Also, there's no bloody meter. No, varying the meter (beyond perhaps one or two syllables to prevent monotony) is not a "stylistic choice." It's wanton disrespect for aesthetics perpetrated in the name of novelty. The second-to-last line is almost twice the length of the last. That, sir, is an atrocity against the English language. And the randomly varying rhythm...grr.

[Al B. Sure!]

The second to last syllable in both construction and function are examples of assonance and consonance.

This isn't about this piece of **** poem about biology. It was obviously a half-assed effort. This is about poetics and accepting that imperfect rhymes are perfectly valid!

[Al B. Sure!]

What part of struction and function do you not understand that beyond sharing -tion, they share the same vowel (u!) and the same hard k consonant in a single syllable?

Jeez let's see... a pair of syllables that share the same vowel sound and the same consonant sound... yeah that can't possibly be a rhyme

It's not a perfect rhyme but it's a valid imperfect rhyme one level above mere assonance and consonance.

[Elok]

What's "valid"? This isn't formal logic. I'm saying that practice is ugly and jarring to both eye and ear, and if you give me an example of a published poet doing it, I'll toss him in with Ginsberg in the "you know what? **** him" camp. I know what assonance and consonance are (they're the two forms of alliteration, which I mentioned). If you want to see them used to good effect in a poem, check out the poem about Earendil Bilbo recites in Rivendell in Lord of the Rings. It's done perfectly, was obviously a royal ***** to pull off, and the end result is that you don't even notice from a casual reading. The sounds just pull you along in a smooth rhythm. By contrast, these are a cheap substitute for rhyme, at once heavy-handed and half-assed. Like midget point guards in a basketball game, they serve no function beyond emphasizing their own pitiful inadequacy.

You also mix technical and casual diction haphazardly. Gahhhh!