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More than a week ago, my two prescriptions for anti-depressants ran out (generic bupropion and Lexapro). I can't afford to continue paying the regular price for the prescriptions as I am still unemployed, looking for work. So I looked around for local resources that can provide assistance and I found a pharmacy where they offer programs. Thanks to this pharmacy, I immediately got a refill for the bupropion for only $15 for 60 pills (I take two every day). However, the assistance I'm requesting for Lexapro is taking a month to process so I THOUGHT that I would be able to get by on one prescription alright for one month (clinic near the pharmacy where I asked for free Lexapro samples could not provide any).
A few days ago, I started having thoughts of suicide which I have not had in a long time because of my counseling and drug therapy. Shortly before I received my last unemployment check, I overdrew my checking account so while I went cold turkey on Lexapro, I experienced higher level of financial stress. And at same time, I continue to feel frustrated, and at times, hopeless in my job search where I have gotten zero interviews so far the past six months or so. I REALLY wanted to get out of town to be with some of my good friends, so on Friday, I left for a city not too far away, and stayed at a friend's from Friday until I got back this Sunday evening.
As I was driving down though on Friday, I had thoughts of hopelessness and suicide again. Then, on Saturday night, the friend I stayed with had to leave for most of evening to do volunteer work at a theatre so I was home by myself, with his pet dog. In his home is a stairwell that winds around and what scared me was not only having thoughts of suicide again that Saturday night, but that I thought about how I would do it - by hanging myself over the stairwell railing.
So I called another friend of mine, then we got together at a local bar (I had no alcohol - just bottled water). He knows all about my ongoing situation and depression and when I told him about my suicidal thoughts that night and that I thought of how I would do it, he told me he would not let me leave to go back to my friend's until I call him, and see that he is home already. So I hung out with him and talked with him until my friend was back home. Then when I got back, I told my friend about how I thought about hanging myself over his stairwell railing and we talked some more about my thoughts and my situation.
Today (Sunday) I went to church with my friend and after service during our social gathering in the basement, I talked with the pastor about the same things. He talked with me, and then offered to help me with a specific bill or expense to help ease my immediate situation which I accepted.
When I got back home tonight, I found that I'm home alone, because some of my family went out of town to a Hawkeyes basketball game. Not sure when they'll be back. I think I feel better, though - I cried a little when I got home, so I think I got more of it out of my system.
Tomorrow afternoon I have my regular counseling appointment, and I'm going to tell my counselor how serious my thoughts of suicide have been, and about my withdrawal symptoms. I'm hoping she can suggest alternative drugs similar to Lexapro, that I can get free samples of. After the appointment, a couple of my friends (including the pastor) want me to call them to let them know how it went.
That's basically the latest with me.
A few days ago, I started having thoughts of suicide which I have not had in a long time because of my counseling and drug therapy. Shortly before I received my last unemployment check, I overdrew my checking account so while I went cold turkey on Lexapro, I experienced higher level of financial stress. And at same time, I continue to feel frustrated, and at times, hopeless in my job search where I have gotten zero interviews so far the past six months or so. I REALLY wanted to get out of town to be with some of my good friends, so on Friday, I left for a city not too far away, and stayed at a friend's from Friday until I got back this Sunday evening.
As I was driving down though on Friday, I had thoughts of hopelessness and suicide again. Then, on Saturday night, the friend I stayed with had to leave for most of evening to do volunteer work at a theatre so I was home by myself, with his pet dog. In his home is a stairwell that winds around and what scared me was not only having thoughts of suicide again that Saturday night, but that I thought about how I would do it - by hanging myself over the stairwell railing.
So I called another friend of mine, then we got together at a local bar (I had no alcohol - just bottled water). He knows all about my ongoing situation and depression and when I told him about my suicidal thoughts that night and that I thought of how I would do it, he told me he would not let me leave to go back to my friend's until I call him, and see that he is home already. So I hung out with him and talked with him until my friend was back home. Then when I got back, I told my friend about how I thought about hanging myself over his stairwell railing and we talked some more about my thoughts and my situation.
Today (Sunday) I went to church with my friend and after service during our social gathering in the basement, I talked with the pastor about the same things. He talked with me, and then offered to help me with a specific bill or expense to help ease my immediate situation which I accepted.
When I got back home tonight, I found that I'm home alone, because some of my family went out of town to a Hawkeyes basketball game. Not sure when they'll be back. I think I feel better, though - I cried a little when I got home, so I think I got more of it out of my system.
Tomorrow afternoon I have my regular counseling appointment, and I'm going to tell my counselor how serious my thoughts of suicide have been, and about my withdrawal symptoms. I'm hoping she can suggest alternative drugs similar to Lexapro, that I can get free samples of. After the appointment, a couple of my friends (including the pastor) want me to call them to let them know how it went.
That's basically the latest with me.
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