Any Apolytoners with serious illnesses/diseases?

[Riesstiu IV]

I'm too lazy to Goole this. Does removing in this case mean surgery? Will they ... put you to sleep? I mean that anesthesia thing of course. I find it that the anesthesia part is somewhat uncomfortable afterwards. It makes me feel nausea. Then again there are nicer drugs to counter that

Make SURE you don't do a google image search.

Yeah, I'll have to undergo surgery but they'll be using a localized anesthetic and I've heard it makes you nauseas afterwards. It also takes a long time to fully heal; around 6-8 weeks. For this first two weeks, I can't even sit down.

But the absolute worst part that I will probably have to remove my butt-hair (the manliest of all body hair) for the rest of my life.

[Asher]

Er, why?

[Riesstiu IV]

A pilonidal cyst is basically an abscess near the tailbone made filled with skin debris and hair, so it isn't able heal over. Initially, it is started by having an ingrown hair. Removing the hair around the tailbone area reduces chances that it will reform. At least that's what the CR specialist says.

[Pekka]

Riesstiu, so that'll be annoying, not being able to sit down. It's like being pregnant, my SO had only one position she could remotely consider sleeping in, so she was out of sleeping positions for like .. a good 3 months. Turns out a futon isn't necessarily the best for pregnant women.

So anyways, had my scan today. It wasn't that bad. It was almost exciting, I was in a 3-tesla MRI machine. It means pretty damn powerful imaging technology, pretty modern stuff. I figure it's the most powerful that is available for normal use (pure research might have something better). So it was also twice as fast, took only little over 20 minutes. Not too bad... so now the worse part of waiting has begun - the results! Then again, maybe it's good news and this **** is over for me for a year. I would like that a lot

But this 3-tesla was much better than 1.5-tesla, the 3-tesla one will catch some stuff others would not be able to catch so if the result is good, I'm really super clear I figure... what do I know, I just go into a tube and lie there with my mouth shut. Then they show me a picture and say yay or nay.

edit: but some feedback, I like the way people in here have supported me, which is stay positive, here's some examples of good stories etc etc. None of that quitting stuff. It sucks because sometimes you talk to a person you know and you see from their face how they are not equipped with any sort of strength what so ever and that affects you, it's like a boomerang. Weakness is a spreading disease as well. I've said to my SO to show me strong face even when she wouldn't feel like it as a best way to support me. When she starts to cry and stuff, it's the most difficult way to... like don't feel sorry for me or yourself. We're doing good, we're not quitting.

[N35t0r]

Not Quitting

[Pekka]

If it's back or not, I've learned something. I absolutely HAVE to reduce the amount of stress factors in my life. I can't deal with my company anymore as well as I could before. I'm secure for like few months forward, which is pretty good to be guaranteed but I can't do it anymore. My work is totally dominated by my fear of dying. Entrepreneurs are ****ed by the government in here, if I get sick again, there will be no sick pay because I'm my own employer. Yeah, I pay insurance, tons of money for that stuff but the actual ROI is so low, that it is not nearly enough and I could not support this family then to begin with. The money would not be enough to even cover the rent. So that's the (in)secure state of having a business I guess.

I can't take it. The pressure is too much. I can't control it. I can somewhat control how I conduct business, how I fill the sales pipeline, how I deal with clients and develop the business further but I cannot control if I get sick or not. At this point, we'd be screwed if I got sick and had to be away from it for like 2 months. And in the meanwhile the business would suffer, perhaps beyond repair, who knows.

Business is not the point. The point is that it is way too stressful to think about it.

I didn't get the job I was last interviewed for. I have another one coming though. It sucks. It's a big consulting company and blaablaablaa, it's the exact crap I've been avoiding. I don't like how they work, I mean I think they are inferior in terms of the actual service versus our service. But it would be an easy job, it would be much better, it would be secure. If I got sick, I'd get paid anyway, full pay for... like 2 months, and after that, 75 %. Still a good pay. Tears my heart though... it's not like I set up the business for no reason at all. I'd still be the majority share holder so I guess I could still return when I want.

I'm just babbling. I'm very nervous. Wednesday is due soon. I'm afraid, my mind doesn't even function anymore. It's on some kind of autopilot - survival mode. My body keeps itself functioning, it does what it does to keep it going but the pilot is not here at the moment. I'm distancing myself. I'm preparing to hear bad news. I hope for the best though. How can you go there and hear that things are still fine - best party ever, or hear that your prognosis just got a whole lot worse - prepare for other kind of stuff. Damn it! It's a pressure cooker. I have to think I will win. Other people have prevailed, I can too. It's not my time yet. I haven't punched enough people yet. I'm climbing walls. I feel like a caged animal. And yet people have come out victorious from worse positions. I just wish it was somewhere else than in my brain. I think that's the worst part, it scares me the most. Anywhere but the brain. Chop off my penis, I don't care, just be careful with the brain.... it's difficult to explain how scary it is, the feeling of it. Perhaps I should not even try.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Oh, pleeeeeeeeease. You use less than 20% of your brain's full capacity, but anything less than 100% utility of your penis is a crime against nature.

[Pekka]

I'm not using my penis either. I have a kid. The purpose of my penis is pretty much over, I guess.

I haven't had my scary moment of the day yet, I had another tip for a possible job today and I talked to a person hiring. Get this. He said directly "We're looking for young prospects, while you meet all our requirements, we are unable to compensate you to your level of expertise", "Money isn't everything, I value stable employment, I value your position and reputation and I would like to be part of that, I'm sure I can advance within the company should I be given the chance, I'm definitely an asset to you and we should not disregard the issue because of the possibility of low compensation". Then he asked me bunch of questions and was like yeah... dude, the consultant we look for supports writing reports, supports this and that... basically does nothing. So what! I don't care at this moment, I need some money. Of course I couldn't be frank, saying that dude, I might go into sick leave in few weeks, who knows, and you guys should support and pay the whole damn thing....



you know, sometimes I feel like I use this as an excuse to some things I don't do or do. Then I feel so bad about it, that I just don't use it at all, not as an excuse but as a reason either. so I have to push forward, not realizing that it's OK to take a breather, it's OK to talk about it. Like people in real world don't want to talk about it. I have absolutely no one to talk about this. They freak out. "Hey, I'm sort of anxious with the brain cancer and everything". It takes less than few seconds, even with good friends, for them to divert it to another topic. I guess they think that they will make it better by distracting, but what I need to do is talk, to let it out.

I might survive this, I might die from this, but I can't keep it inside bottled up. I've been doing it for a year now, it's too big of a thing, I'll implode soon. That's why it does wonders to type stuff here. I don't even masturbate anymore, I guess that's a sign of depression. I don't think I'm depressed. Just scared and anxious. Climbing the walls. Tomorrow, the truth. it's like the big game, game 7, except the game is everything you know, literally.

[Krill]

I have a great uncle who will die in the next month from brain cancer.

[rah]

Get this. He said directly "We're looking for young prospects, while you meet all our requirements, we are unable to compensate you to your level of expertise",

translated....we're looking for an inexperienced kid that we don't have to pay much money too.

[Pekka]

rah, exactly... sometimes it might be "we don't want you" but I think they were honest this time.

[Pekka]

14 hours until my hearing. Nervous as can be. This is unfair. Not the thing itself, but this, this waiting thing. It's not fair for anyone to have to wait news like this in this way. They can pretty much see right away if there's a problem or not, it takes like 2 hours max. I know. That's how they do it in the emergency section, less than 2 hours I think it was. I've been waiting for a ****ing week now. It's really difficult to ignore the fact that in 7 days, you'll go back and have to deal with the results, what ever they might be. 7 days is too much. Two days would be better. Same day would be fair. But a week? Come on... it's pure mental torture. Especially when it's a control check up, because the person KNOWS there has been something in the past, instead of a suspicion with no prior history. That must be a nail biter, kind of like torture, but to know it's not just a possibility but statistically it is likely, come on, let's not wait for a week to know about it!!!!! 14 hours. It's a long time.... it's like another world, that 14 hours. It separates today and tomorrow, but it also separates two different realities, two paths, two alternatives. Maybe I should take something to calm myself down but I don't have anything. Hopefully some sleep tonight will be possible.

[C0ckney]

hang in there buddy. we're all hoping and praying on your behalf.

[Tuberski]

Hang in there Pekka!

I've got pinkeye. It sucks.

Riesstiu IV seems to be growing a tail.

ACK!

[Pekka]

Time to go and face the truth. I'll let you know in few hours.