Learning Portuguese

[MOBIUS]

Well OK, not really. Just a few words to get me by for my conference in Lisbon next week...

Hey C0ckney, I have to do a short presentation. Do you know any jokey Portuguese one-liners as a sort of opening ice breaker to get the audience on my side?

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Remember, Cockney. Only a bounder would give him the translation of "All of your mothers ingest the reproductive fluids of donkeys!" and pretend it's a example of gentle wit. Don't go there, OK?

[MOBIUS]

Well, I am half expecting that kind of 'help'...

[C0ckney]

what sort of conference is it?

[MOBIUS]

It's a network of partners from 7 EU member states with European delta and estuarine regions concerned with sustainable delta governance. I have to come up with a quick something that addresses the following:

To discuss the ecological sustainability concern on Delta’s Master plans;

To discuss good practices on dealing with economic activities in environmentally sensitive areas;

To present examples of plans/programs for brownfields revitalization on Deltas (economic, ecological and urban planning perspectives)

It would be nice to say something cool and jokey to start proceedings!

[C0ckney]

try "todas as suas mães comem..."

sadly, i don't know any jokes about deltas or brownfield sites in portugues off the top of my head. however, you seem like a story kind of guy, so maybe something like this.

opa galeria!

acabo de chegar no portugal e acho que é um pais muito lindo. a gente é mutia simpatica e amigável, mas a lingua tá um pouco difícil para mim.

ontem fui à padaria para comprar pão [the "ão" is not an easy sound to make, say "pau" while holding your nose to get an idea of what it should sound like], falei com o padeiro "quero pau" disse,
ele me olhou e disse "quer pau?"
"sim" afirmei
"quer pau, tá certo?"
"com certeza [you might replace this with "certinho" but you risk making the audience think you're a bad boy from são paulo ], vim aqui para comprar pau, ouvi seu pau é o melhor da lisboa"

depois ele me perguntou partir a padaria...não sei porque...difícil

translation

hello people!

i have just arrived in portugal and i think that it is a beautiful country. the people are very nice and friendly, but the language is a little difficult for me.

yesterday i went to the bakery to buy bread, i spoke to the baker and said "i want bread."

he looked at me and said "you want dick?"
"yes" i affirmed
"you want dick, are you sure?"
"with certainty, i came here to buy dick, i heard that your dick is the best in lisbon."

then he asked me to leave the bakery...i don’t know why...(it is) difficult.

it's a nice little routine, it just pokes a bit of fun at the misunderstandings that can occur when speaking a different language, and everyone loves a dick joke . maybe it's a bit long, but it's fairly adaptable and with a bit of practise you should be able to pull it off.

[Aeson]

maybe it's a bit long, but it's fairly adaptable and with a bit of practise you should be able to pull it off.

[Provost Harrison]

It's a network of partners from 7 EU member states with European delta and estuarine regions concerned with sustainable delta governance.

Can't they speak English or something?

I have noticed that having a really nasty cold seems to help with speaking Portuguese

[C0ckney]

thanks aeson, i'm glad someone noticed my post knob joke, knob joke. comic genius, me.

[MOBIUS]

Sorry C0ckney, yes it's very good, but a bit long - like my knob!

But I am seriously tempted to go to a baker's and ask for some bread!