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Off Topic Posting Guidelines - help for newbies [NOT SERIOUS]
Basic Posting
1. Choose Sides
There are a few common debates. In each of these debates you will be expected to choose a side and stick to it no matter what. It doesn't matter how reasonable or logical an opposing position might be, or in some cases if the opposite side is doing exactly what your side is doing. You must oppose the opposition vehemently on every point.
The new Democrat president is doing something the same as the old Republican used to? Well he's Satan, so it's now bad, even though it was the best thing ever before. Simple really. You'll get the hang of it.
A shortlist of some of the basic categories
Religionist vs Athiest
Democrat vs Republican
Pro-life vs Woman's rights
Science vs CSI
Pro-gay-marriage vs Closeted homophobe
Anti-paedophile vs Catholic
Pro-gun vs Anti-Texas
Eugenics vs Anti-racists
Banana in polls vs No-banana
Rest of the world vs America (see more in point 6)
Oerdin vs temperance movement
etc.
There are many more and many of those entries appear vs. other categories. Keen readers will note I've been provocative with the way I phrased them. Take that as an example.
It can be very interesting to choose seemingly incongruous selections of categories to defend. A pro-rest of the world, anti-texas, pro-gay, atheist Republican? Cool! But people rarely do that. You should be more creative.
Advanced users
Within the categories you can pick smaller sub-categories.
eg. Asher chose to be pro-gay, but anti-lesbian
many posters choose to be pro-religionist, but only pro-certain religions.
It is actually possible to be pro-gun and Anti-Texas. But rare.
It is possible to change sides, but you must make up some kind of life changing event to explain it. Or create a DL (which is illegal).
2. An Army of Strawmen
Each poster has to build and maintain small army of strawmen, your aim is to build as many strawmen as you can to attack your enemies whilst defending your own so they don't get burnt. Straw burns easily.
Don't forget, each poster has an easily identifiable selection of categories that they'll defend unquestioningly, so you really don't need to read what they actually post. Just argue against what you think their categorisation probably thinks about stuff. If you are reading what someone posts, you are losing the argument.
3. Links
Every link you post to support your argument is indisputable truth, every link they post is a complete load of lies written by lunatic extremists. So there's no point even reading them is there?
4. Repetition
The more you say it, the correcter it becomes.
5. You only think that because you are dumber than me
This one is self explanatory. People might have a different point of view, but only because they are idiots.
If for some reason people seem to doubt your mega-brain so keep referring to some important sounding qualifications and your massive IQ score. Except for KrazyHorse. You actually are dumber than him. You might be so much dumber than him that he seems dumb. This should be a concern.
6. You live in the best place in the world
And no redneck hick or euro-*** can tell you different. Everything about your home town/region/country is better than every where else on the planet. This is granular. If someone lives in the next street, your street is better than theirs. If they live in the next town, it's a dive. Unless someone from outside your area criticizes it, in which case it beats the crap out of their dump.
The less important your home is the harder you have to fight for recognition. eg. the Canadians are constantly defending themselves against everyone about everything, the Americans only need to defend their cities or states from other Americans.
Your sports are better, your TV is better, your comedy is better, your landmarks are better, your pizza is bigger, your food is better, your penises are bigger, YOU are better!
Defend your home with your life.
7. Quantity > Quality
Multi-quote pages and pages of text, copy and paste large articles. They can't kill what they can't read. Never use a few words to explain what you mean when you can quote 100 messages and copy and paste a paragraph off the internet to respond to each of them.
8. Ignore list
If someone annoys you put them on your ignore list, then every time they post, quote the ignore message and say "I bet they are saying something dumb again!". It makes you look like a total a*shole, but it annoys everyone else, so it's worth it.
9. Last Resort
If, after following after all these tips, you are still getting hammered. Try crying to the moderators saying things like "personal attack!" and "he'd have been banned for that before!".
Victory Conditions
1. Conquest Victory
Simple. Become the only remaining poster on the forum.
2. Cultural Victory
Become OT Moderator!
3. Domination Victory
Convert everyone on the OT to your belief on a certain topic. eg. get everyone to agree with you (or at least to stop arguing with you) about gay rights, abortion etc. You can win mutiple Domination Victories
4. Religious Victory
Convert everyone on the OT to your religion (or non-religion). Easy.
Loss Conditions
1. Permaban
If you're banned forever, you lose.
2. Administrator
If you become an administrator, you lose.
3. Leaving Forever
If you leave forever, you lose.
That should be enough to get you going, happy posting!
If anyone has anything to add please do.
1. Choose Sides
There are a few common debates. In each of these debates you will be expected to choose a side and stick to it no matter what. It doesn't matter how reasonable or logical an opposing position might be, or in some cases if the opposite side is doing exactly what your side is doing. You must oppose the opposition vehemently on every point.
The new Democrat president is doing something the same as the old Republican used to? Well he's Satan, so it's now bad, even though it was the best thing ever before. Simple really. You'll get the hang of it.
A shortlist of some of the basic categories
Religionist vs Athiest
Democrat vs Republican
Pro-life vs Woman's rights
Science vs CSI
Pro-gay-marriage vs Closeted homophobe
Anti-paedophile vs Catholic
Pro-gun vs Anti-Texas
Eugenics vs Anti-racists
Banana in polls vs No-banana
Rest of the world vs America (see more in point 6)
Oerdin vs temperance movement
etc.
There are many more and many of those entries appear vs. other categories. Keen readers will note I've been provocative with the way I phrased them. Take that as an example.
It can be very interesting to choose seemingly incongruous selections of categories to defend. A pro-rest of the world, anti-texas, pro-gay, atheist Republican? Cool! But people rarely do that. You should be more creative.
Advanced users
Within the categories you can pick smaller sub-categories.
eg. Asher chose to be pro-gay, but anti-lesbian
many posters choose to be pro-religionist, but only pro-certain religions.
It is actually possible to be pro-gun and Anti-Texas. But rare.
It is possible to change sides, but you must make up some kind of life changing event to explain it. Or create a DL (which is illegal).
2. An Army of Strawmen
Each poster has to build and maintain small army of strawmen, your aim is to build as many strawmen as you can to attack your enemies whilst defending your own so they don't get burnt. Straw burns easily.
Don't forget, each poster has an easily identifiable selection of categories that they'll defend unquestioningly, so you really don't need to read what they actually post. Just argue against what you think their categorisation probably thinks about stuff. If you are reading what someone posts, you are losing the argument.
3. Links
Every link you post to support your argument is indisputable truth, every link they post is a complete load of lies written by lunatic extremists. So there's no point even reading them is there?
4. Repetition
The more you say it, the correcter it becomes.
5. You only think that because you are dumber than me
This one is self explanatory. People might have a different point of view, but only because they are idiots.
If for some reason people seem to doubt your mega-brain so keep referring to some important sounding qualifications and your massive IQ score. Except for KrazyHorse. You actually are dumber than him. You might be so much dumber than him that he seems dumb. This should be a concern.
6. You live in the best place in the world
And no redneck hick or euro-*** can tell you different. Everything about your home town/region/country is better than every where else on the planet. This is granular. If someone lives in the next street, your street is better than theirs. If they live in the next town, it's a dive. Unless someone from outside your area criticizes it, in which case it beats the crap out of their dump.
The less important your home is the harder you have to fight for recognition. eg. the Canadians are constantly defending themselves against everyone about everything, the Americans only need to defend their cities or states from other Americans.
Your sports are better, your TV is better, your comedy is better, your landmarks are better, your pizza is bigger, your food is better, your penises are bigger, YOU are better!
Defend your home with your life.
7. Quantity > Quality
Multi-quote pages and pages of text, copy and paste large articles. They can't kill what they can't read. Never use a few words to explain what you mean when you can quote 100 messages and copy and paste a paragraph off the internet to respond to each of them.
8. Ignore list
If someone annoys you put them on your ignore list, then every time they post, quote the ignore message and say "I bet they are saying something dumb again!". It makes you look like a total a*shole, but it annoys everyone else, so it's worth it.
9. Last Resort
If, after following after all these tips, you are still getting hammered. Try crying to the moderators saying things like "personal attack!" and "he'd have been banned for that before!".
Victory Conditions
1. Conquest Victory
Simple. Become the only remaining poster on the forum.
2. Cultural Victory
Become OT Moderator!
3. Domination Victory
Convert everyone on the OT to your belief on a certain topic. eg. get everyone to agree with you (or at least to stop arguing with you) about gay rights, abortion etc. You can win mutiple Domination Victories
4. Religious Victory
Convert everyone on the OT to your religion (or non-religion). Easy.
Loss Conditions
1. Permaban
If you're banned forever, you lose.
2. Administrator
If you become an administrator, you lose.
3. Leaving Forever
If you leave forever, you lose.
That should be enough to get you going, happy posting!
If anyone has anything to add please do.
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