What parameter(s) differentiate the winner(s) from the loser(s) in a ****ting contest?

[loinburger]

You just defined size!

I'm saying that "size" is as vague a term as "speed." Do we mean speed as in 100-meter dash speed? Hurdling speed? Marathon speed? If two turns have the same volume but one is longer than the other, then which has the superior size? What if two turds have the same dimensions but different masses? Science demands an answer.

[Felch]

Obviously gases expelled directly from the anus are a different category from those which are gradually released from the fermenting feces. But they all contribute to the grandeur of the shit.

[Kitschum]

Dry weight, color, type

[Felch]

What if the type is watery? Or are watery ****s not even in the contest?

[Kitschum]

I imagine them as separate criteria

[Kitschum]

Judge type, then remove the water and weigh it

[KrazyHorse]

How do you know that there are not other volatiles which will be removed by the drying process?

[Felch]

Dry feces are to fresh as Welch's grape juice is to wine. A true connoisseur would never degrade himself.

[Japher]

I'd have to say mass of what remains after one flush times density

[Tuberski]

From http://www.poopreport.com/BMnewswire/972.html:

Faeces weight = Wf(1 + Hf) + Wb (1 + Hb) + Wm(1 + Hm)

Where Wf, Wb and Wm are respectively the dry weights of fibre remaining after fermentation in the colon, bacteria present in the faeces and osmotically active metabolites and other substances in the colon which could reduce the amount of free water absorbed, and Hf, Hb and Hm denote their respective water-holding capacities.

ACK!

[Drake Tungsten]

The European Fecal Standards and Measurements Institute already exists to both decide upon and measure the parameters used to differentiate contestants in various ****ting contests. This entire discussion is academic.

[self biased]

so are we then bucking the Couric?

[Whoha]

Define "size" in terms of length, diameter, and mass.

By Couric.

[KrazyHorse]

What's with the Couric references?

[Garth Vader]

South Park episode