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What parameter(s) differentiate the winner(s) from the loser(s) in a ****ting contest?

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  • What parameter(s) differentiate the winner(s) from the loser(s) in a ****ting contest?

    I think that accuracy is paramount.
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  • #2
    Size
    “As a lifelong member of the Columbia Business School community, I adhere to the principles of truth, integrity, and respect. I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.”
    "Capitalism ho!"

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    • #3
      Define "size" in terms of length, diameter, and mass.
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      • #4
        Volume, stench, artistry. Pure accuracy is secondary.
        12-17-10 Mohamed Bouazizi NEVER FORGET
        Stadtluft Macht Frei
        Killing it is the new killing it
        Ultima Ratio Regum

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        • #5
          Define "accuracy."
          "You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours."--General Sir Charles James Napier

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          • #6
            Define "define."
            “As a lifelong member of the Columbia Business School community, I adhere to the principles of truth, integrity, and respect. I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.”
            "Capitalism ho!"

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            • #7
              Simple linear distance from stated target to center of mass
              12-17-10 Mohamed Bouazizi NEVER FORGET
              Stadtluft Macht Frei
              Killing it is the new killing it
              Ultima Ratio Regum

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              • #8
                Originally posted by loinburger View Post
                Define "size" in terms of length, diameter, and mass.
                You just defined size!


                I think it should be done on volume, easy to measure too. You **** into a liquid filled container that's been calibrated with the volume markings up the side.
                Jon Miller: MikeH speaks the truth
                Jon Miller: MikeH is a shockingly revolting dolt and a masturbatory urine-reeking sideshow freak whose word is as valuable as an aging cow paddy.
                We've got both kinds

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                • #9
                  If the **** has fractal properties then volume is actually difficult to define...
                  12-17-10 Mohamed Bouazizi NEVER FORGET
                  Stadtluft Macht Frei
                  Killing it is the new killing it
                  Ultima Ratio Regum

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I just defined it as the volume of water it displaces.
                    Jon Miller: MikeH speaks the truth
                    Jon Miller: MikeH is a shockingly revolting dolt and a masturbatory urine-reeking sideshow freak whose word is as valuable as an aging cow paddy.
                    We've got both kinds

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      That will be a time-varying quantity, Mike.
                      12-17-10 Mohamed Bouazizi NEVER FORGET
                      Stadtluft Macht Frei
                      Killing it is the new killing it
                      Ultima Ratio Regum

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Would gases expelled be disregarded?
                        John Brown did nothing wrong.

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                        • #13
                          Maybe set a time component eg. Volume of water displaced 1 minute after you sit down to begin.

                          There is also the issue of floaters, the iceberg effect. So it'd encourage denser output, rather than bulking up on lightweight material.
                          Jon Miller: MikeH speaks the truth
                          Jon Miller: MikeH is a shockingly revolting dolt and a masturbatory urine-reeking sideshow freak whose word is as valuable as an aging cow paddy.
                          We've got both kinds

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                          • #14
                            Expelled initially or over time from the fecal matter itself? The latter is precisely my point...
                            12-17-10 Mohamed Bouazizi NEVER FORGET
                            Stadtluft Macht Frei
                            Killing it is the new killing it
                            Ultima Ratio Regum

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              There ought to be bonus points, or a side competition for attractiveness of crap, longest continuous length of poo.
                              Jon Miller: MikeH speaks the truth
                              Jon Miller: MikeH is a shockingly revolting dolt and a masturbatory urine-reeking sideshow freak whose word is as valuable as an aging cow paddy.
                              We've got both kinds

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