So what's the best way to get rid of rumors you are doing someone at work?

[David Floyd]

****, I know Imran thinks I'm a douchebag - and by some definitions I certainly am - but damn if I'm not right once in a while!

[Imran Siddiqui]

Problem with your view is - if she was attractive at all, Dis would have mentioned it (being Dis). Since he didn't... well...

[David Floyd]

That might be a solid point.

[onodera]

Do someone else at work.

[SlowwHand]

It's no wonder some of you guys can't find a woman, when your best line is "Hey, baby. Do me." Smoooooth.

[Zkribbler]

DF did not specify that it be the person you are rumored to have slept with. I say sleep with a different girl at work and watch what happens!

Bad idea. It will set off a civil war between those people who support Girl 1 and those who support Girl 2.

[Provost Harrison]

Dis, this has happened to me numerous times at work. I don't think there is any way to get rid of them. If you protest, trust me, it makes things far worse. All you can do is ignore them and let them pass. Also kind of take this advice if you are doing someone at work

[Az]

Bad idea. It will set off a civil war between those people who support Girl 1 and those who support Girl 2.

All the better, all the better. I also encourage the following gambit:

-bussiness info- find out, who's the boss slept with. ( This has happened. Your job is to find out who with )

-Enact peon civil war by sleeping with 2 chicks. it's very important that you make it quite clear to both of them that this is just sex, though ( this way you're not seen for the manipulative piece of **** that you are)

-after civil war erupts, engage the boss very rapidly - important:this must be done while the arguments are strong, yet with the boss not knowing the full picture still.

-explain to boss the situation. when she/he will berate you for this, casually mention boss' office sex adventures ( see part 1). offer to calm the drama down for the meager cost of: promotion. Important: do not berate the boss for being hypocrtical, do not signify any direct connection between your knowledge of the boss sex life and the promotion. That would be blackmail, and can't have any of that, can we?

-with extra cash from your new position, invite both chicks to a cocaine part over your place.

-do not do any cocaine by yourself.

-gradually addict said women to cocaine, trading cocaine for favors, sexual, and around the office. Keep degrading them verbally in a stealth passive-agressive manner, to slowly erase their essence and turn them into empty husks of human beings, totally subservient to you with their paychecks bodies, and minds.

-BONUS MISSION: make said women seduce boss ( if said boss is hetero male/ lesbian woman). record this ( hidden camera works best). At this point it should come naturally what's the next plan of action. Trust your instincts, but don't be blind.

Happy hunting.

[Japher]

Start a car pool with person you are rumored to be sleeping with. Once people see that you are coming to work in the same car they will stop rumoring that they you are sleeping together.

[Q Classic]

Tell them you're fixed down there. That you were originally going to be a castrati for the Vatican choir, but your parents didn't get the memo that they closed that position.

Either that, or just be an Asian male. They'll think you're an asexual who gets off crunching numbers.

Oh ****, is that racist?

[onodera]

Az
Your advice sounded sensible when I started reading it...

[Az]

Az
Your advice sounded sensible when I started reading it...

It is sensible. We are simply a generation of males brought up and raised by women, formed to fullfill their agendas, and had our heads filled to the brim with feminist chauvinist propoganda. You are taught, from a very young age to be pleasant to women, to be kind to them, to not assertively claim what is rightfully yours.

the Straight White Male has truly become, ladies (heh) and gentlemen, the ****** of the world, sort of speaking.

[rah]

PH's advice was probably the best.

But if you want to try something different. Start sleeping with the boss. Then your boss will fire anybody that you're rumored to be sleeping with, and probably not help the career of those spreading the rumors. IF nothing else, after a few heads roll, no one will speak out loud about who you're sleeping with. Win Win

[Felch]

Two simple words, "I'm gay."

Frankly I don't know why any thread continues after loinburger has already answered the question.

[Japher]

for the spam