How Can I Kill This Rat?

[SlowwHand]

Wiggy, you're on your own.

[BeBMan]

Wait....is Wiglaf making death threats on the internet

[Thoth]

No, Wiggy is trolling for gay sex again.

[Wiglaf]

I have had it with this site. No one ever has any original ideas, it is all jerking each other off about how Asher is so funny and so bitingly clever and how we'd all do him if we were gay but we're not we're just straight losers who sit around talking about how we haven't had a real job since we left the Navy and haven't had real sex since we hired a prostitute just to feel love. I for one can't stand you idiots.

I am an elected official. I have a rat in my office. By the end of the day tomorrow one of those statements will not be true. It is simple as that. My way or the highway. You are either with me or against me on this, there is no middle ground. Pick your sides now. Just stop getting your jizz on me while you decide.

[Thoth]

Wiggy, you are awesome. Why don't you move to Canada and run for office? I'd vote for you.

[Lefty Scaevola]

Use the precedent of Beowulf. Wrestle the rat while naked.

[DaShi]

And film it to post here.

[SlowwHand]

I guess lobbing a percussion grenade is out of the question.

[-Jrabbit]

Feed it. Make it feel at home, part of the team. Speak to it of loyalty and career paths.

Then do a re-org and eliminate its position.

[BlackCat]

I am an elected official.

I think someone has put a mirror in Wiggys office

[Provost Harrison]

Any self respecting cat would scratch Wiggy.

Wiggy would then need a dog to take care of the cat.

Any self respecting dog would bite Wiggy.

Wiggy would then need a horse, or some such, to take care of the dog, and so on and so on.

From all this I believe we have our first real clue as to who Wiggy is. He is an old lady who is bothered by flies (as well as rats, apparently).

That'll be one of those dog-hunting, carnivorous horses then?

What have you been sniffing this time?

[Provost Harrison]

Feed it. Make it feel at home, part of the team. Speak to it of loyalty and career paths.

Then do a re-org and eliminate its position.

That won't work, it's a rat. It'll be promoted to management

[Grandpa Troll]

Its a gerbil, still high on amphetamines from Wiggies last session with his boyfriend.

[Theben]

And the day a cat steps foot in my office is the day I'll start doing men from behind.

Wait, so from which direction are you doing them now?

And isn't a rat in an elected official's office par for the course? And you have jews, too. What are you, a democrat?

[BlackCat]

Hey, wait a minute - Wiggy an elected official - doesn't that mean that he has acces to governmental credit cards ?

No wonder we have a finacial crisis