My GF has gained weight (~7kg about 15 punds I think)

[Dis]

and didn't we have a Wiglaf thread on the same topic a year or two ago? Just recycle that advice into this one.

[Dinner]

Damn you Miller! You couldn't see anything.

[Imran Siddiqui]

You got owned dis, accept it.

You see worse every day in Vegas.

[Alinestra Covelia]

I hate new poly.

Old Poly didn't let you edit thread titles either.

[Dis]

u could within one minute of posting.

15 pounds to me doesn't sound like a lot. I think you are being picky. But then again, she's a bit young to be gaining that kind of weight (assuming she's not preggie). Something may be wrong there.

Dare I say it? Anyone who dumps someone over 15 pounds is very shallow. Now if you are talking 40 or 50, then I could see it.

[Krill]

It's Hera, a puddle in Arizona is deeper than him.

[Jon Miller]

The question is what do you value.

Actual size (if Huge, which she isn't) is an issue, of course, but the real issue is what are yours and hers values. If they are in agreement, then everything will end up fine, likely, even if she is heavier for a bit (for example). If they are in disagreement, then that could be an issue.

I value health, so no obesity, but don't value fitness to the level that I expect KH does, probably.

JM

[Imran Siddiqui]

It's Hera, a puddle in Arizona is deeper than him.

[Jon Miller]

By the way, I gained like 15 lbs since last November and it has started to really bother me (I thought I would lose it right away or that it was muscle, but now I am feeling like it is all in my gut).

Because of my values, I just spent 1hr on the treadmill, and will try to increase cardio from 1-2 hours per week to 3-4.

JM

[Heraclitus]

Old Poly didn't let you edit thread titles either.

Yes it did, you could change it within the first few min.

[Heraclitus]

It's Hera, a puddle in Arizona is deeper than him.

Can I just ask why do you think so?

[Heraclitus]

I like her a lot and care about her. I don't want to break up with her, and I know it would hurt her feelings if I told her she seemed less attractive to me.


We share the same interests and she is reasonably intelligent, wants kids, great in the sack ect. I still find her attractive, but a bit less so than when we started dating.



I on the other hand look better than ever (lost ~5kg, got in shape).


The thing is I didn't even notice she gained that much, and didn't even mind it since everything else was going so well. But now she's started complaining about it, I first tried to comfort her, then when she asked me "what is your secret?" I made the stupid mistake of actually telling her and giving her advice. She very soon got upset and asked if we could talk about something else. She is under stress and is becoming increasingly difficult to deal with. I am trying really hard to be supportive, but at the end of the day I feel tired and often after we talk (we talk a lot on the phone since we don't live together) I feel sad (she sounds better by the end of the talk and that usually offsets the whole experience to neutral for me).


What should I do? How can I encourage her to loose weight and resolve the other problems that are causing her to be more and more unhappy?

I think some of the people commenting this should reread my original post.

I did't even notice untill she started complaining about the way she looks.


PS The throwing up pic on page four is gross and inapropriate.

[Alinestra Covelia]

Let her know you're concerned for her happiness and that's all that's important to you. (From what it seems, you don't really care that much about her weight gain anyway - it's more of an issue that she's unhappy with how she looks.)

Tell her that you're happy with her, and very attracted to her, and that she shouldn't worry about that issue.

So if she has any issues about exercise or body shape, etc., it should be purely for her own goals and desires - and that she should feel safe in confiding in you about those and you'll do whatever you can to help her achieve them.

Go hiking with her. Take her rock climbing. Sign up for martial arts classes together. If you can get up early enough in the mornings, hit the swimming pool before breakfast. Do whatever. Make it into a shared activity that gets you both out of the house and doing something that releases the endorphins.

[Alinestra Covelia]

PS The throwing up pic on page four is gross and inapropriate.

[Japher]

Just tell her you love her regardless of the 15 pounds and support her efforts to workout more. Get a treadmill or something.

Exercise also reduces stress. If she thinks her stress is the source of her weight gain you should speak to the stress instead of the weight gain.