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Working On My Memoir
So, it has come to this: I have finally decided to write my memoir, since if Guynemer can get published then surely I should be able to write too. I am laid alot more and am not an X-Ray technician so people will want to read it.
My memoir will consist tentatively of a discussion of string theory as seen in Hawkin's Brief History of Time (and will include a dedication to him if he dies before it is published), meaning I will need help from physics majors here to help me make such complicated material "readable" for the general public. Basically I will discuss how all of us are really microscopic strings and vibrations in those strings form planets and even people, and how this realization influences my political views. Simplified yes but I think it belongs in there because when I read Brief History of Time back in the day, it made me realize that smart people can make money off talking to stupid people. Sort of like extorting their stupid brains.
I want to move on to talk about my World Series predictions; basically I have predicted the winner of every World Series since 2001, but I am not sure how to prove this. Can I find a fraudulent notary public to say he signed it on those dates in exchange for a blow job? Alternatively, I may be able to find the diary I kept from 2002-2006, but it would be in an addick and IS NOT NOTARIZED nor is it timestamped by man or machine. This is probably my proudest achievement of my life, and I would like to let people know that I am going to start gambling and expect to make millions of dollars in short order simply by predicting World Series winners.
Finally the book will conclude with a chapter on my dog Washington and all he means to me. I did not get him from a shelter because I'm not poor and I have good taste. Washington is an adorable dog who I have trained to attack anyone who approaches me from behind, and I can honestly say I would not survive life in D.C. without his imposing frame threatening away all the militant homosexuals in Dupont Circle. In case I have not mentioned it yet, this book will be very homophobic and I expect major media outlets to emphasize this part, so it must be the most well written.
If anyone wants to be my editor, fact-checker responsible for checking facts (critical job, highest paying), or even morale support please let me know.
My memoir will consist tentatively of a discussion of string theory as seen in Hawkin's Brief History of Time (and will include a dedication to him if he dies before it is published), meaning I will need help from physics majors here to help me make such complicated material "readable" for the general public. Basically I will discuss how all of us are really microscopic strings and vibrations in those strings form planets and even people, and how this realization influences my political views. Simplified yes but I think it belongs in there because when I read Brief History of Time back in the day, it made me realize that smart people can make money off talking to stupid people. Sort of like extorting their stupid brains.
I want to move on to talk about my World Series predictions; basically I have predicted the winner of every World Series since 2001, but I am not sure how to prove this. Can I find a fraudulent notary public to say he signed it on those dates in exchange for a blow job? Alternatively, I may be able to find the diary I kept from 2002-2006, but it would be in an addick and IS NOT NOTARIZED nor is it timestamped by man or machine. This is probably my proudest achievement of my life, and I would like to let people know that I am going to start gambling and expect to make millions of dollars in short order simply by predicting World Series winners.
Finally the book will conclude with a chapter on my dog Washington and all he means to me. I did not get him from a shelter because I'm not poor and I have good taste. Washington is an adorable dog who I have trained to attack anyone who approaches me from behind, and I can honestly say I would not survive life in D.C. without his imposing frame threatening away all the militant homosexuals in Dupont Circle. In case I have not mentioned it yet, this book will be very homophobic and I expect major media outlets to emphasize this part, so it must be the most well written.
If anyone wants to be my editor, fact-checker responsible for checking facts (critical job, highest paying), or even morale support please let me know.
ACK!
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